My father was in the Guinness Book of World Records twice for something called a Journey Run or, crossing the United States on foot. In 1971 he and his brother Joel ran from Long Beach, CA to Long Beach, NY, a distance of 2,958 miles and they ran 27 miles per day. This run was called the “Save America Run” and was sponsored by Adidas and Standard Oil. They were running to fight pollution. It was my father’s senior year in college. In 1976 the two brothers ran again, this time from San Francisco, CA to Washington, DC. This run was 2,957 miles and they ran 42 miles per day. I am at a loss right now (prego-brain) for this cause. They met the president. They were doing something to make a difference and it was no small task. Even today, they are in a VERY small group of people who have completed these runs.
What have I done….ummm…I worked my ass of in high school to get into a good college. I worked my ass of in college to get a job that would pay off my loans from attending a good college. I worked my ass of at my corporate banking job even after I paid off my loans because I got sucked into that strange world where money is more important than anything and your creativity and passion start to die when money starts to come first.
Of course, I came out of this coma when I got pregnant. WRONG. Okay, you say, she must have gotten her act together when she had her firstborn GORGEOUS child. WRONG AGAIN. I was on my blackberry almost until pushing and then again within hours after. I made sure I had Bloomberg anywhere at home and I basically worked a ton during my maternity leave and even more when I went back to work. I did not dig myself out of this stupor until Sophia was almost 6 months old and I looked at her one evening when I had picked her up from daycare and I had nursed her and then I was planning on a conference call. A call I realized was the last thing I should be doing when my beautiful baby girl was sitting up and holding her arms out to me.
A few months later I quit. I had an awful miscarriage that further clarified the absolute miracle of life and brought my focus to an even sharper point. I got pregnant with Miles and since I have given everything that I can to my kids. We sing and dance. We play games. We go on exciting day trips and explore the outside. We make crafts. I adore them. But something in me screams to contribute more and be remembered by somebody else I have helped and I don’t know why.
I don’t need to be famous although I am working on a post where you will find out that I should be a Broadway star! I just want to give to more than my kids. I want to make a difference. I want to leave a permanent and positive mark on the world.
But how do I do this when it takes a lot to get a shower in, keep poop off my kids, get three people dressed and so on and so forth every day. How do I find time to make a difference? Should I wait until the kids go to school? It seems like that is putting off even longer something that I feel I need to do.
I will make my mark. I must find something. I just need to let go of my kids for a moment to embrace something larger than my little family.
I am the Ringmaster of this circus. I have 3 small children who don't know what that means so I just say "Boss" and they get that. I am a mom who loves to write, build things, make things and love on my kids and my hubs. I am also in the midst of a love affair with social media. Always busy, usually laughing and never without words. Thus, Mommy Words. 
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I know the feeling. Although I have to say that my feeling is much less altruistic. I just want to stimulate my mind with something else than ‘the wheels on the bus go round and round’. Just a little bit of grown-up talk would be nice, every once in a while.
Ah yes…that too. Believe me just some conversation with grown ups that is not about kids would be nice! I feeel that I am getting dumber by the day. And that is so sad!
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