Privacy and Pooping

We have tried to tell Sophia that we “keep our privates private.”  You know, don’t pull off your underpants and run around naked.  Don’t show people what is in your underwear.  Don’t touch your privates in public.  Everyone does not need to go to the bathroom with you. You get the picture.  However, I have never told her that Mommy cannot go to the bathroom with her.

I have encouraged her to take certain steps on her own.  These are:

1.  Getting on the potty herself

2.  Pulling down her own underpants

3.  Going to the bathroom

4.  Wiping (only if it is pee pee)

5.  Pulling back up underpants  (sometimes I need to help with this and re-adjusting clothes).

6.  Flushing the toilet.

7.  Washing hands (I always help in public bathrooms).

Notice that this list does not include closing the door on her mother or wiping herself when she has poop.  In fact, I have said just the opposite.  When you are a little girl your mommy has to help you when you wipe number 2.  You should not attempt to get off the potty yourself until mommy has wiped you.

This worked perfectly until about a month ago.  Sophia decided she wanted to play with her toys without Miles.  This was an understandable request as she does have some things that she considers special like her jewelry box and some of her princess figures.  She also has some mad skill with blocks and builds wonderful houses and other architectural wonders with her Lego Duplos.  Miles is the destroyer.  His greatest joy is throwing her princesses down the stairs or throwing himself into her houses or towers.  His evil genius really upsets her.  I explained to her that what she wanted was some privacy from Miles sometimes.  That was the word for when she wanted to be alone. (side note: like when mommy wants to go to the bathroom).  Sophia agreed.  So now, she asks for privacy, which must be in her room, to play with her toys and I give her a certain amount of time to NOT SHARE with her brother.

About a week ago, she started asking me to sit on the tub across from her when she went to the bathroom.  Then she started asking me to leave until she was ready to wipe.  I simply did not anticipate the problems that this might cause when we were out of the house.  It seemed like she was growing up and that soon, like she would have her privacy, I would have one less in the crowd of observers when I am in the loo.

Not so.  On Saturday we were in the library and Sophia needed to go potty.  Since Miles can walk and we got the best space right by the door, I did not bring the stroller.  So we all got into the bathroom and Sophia picked a stall and for the first time ever got herself onto the big, tall public potty.  Then Miles, of course, walked in and Sophia screamed “I need my privacy!”  What?  Huh?  We are in a public bathroom.  I will not leave.  She reasoned with me. “You stand by the sink with Miles.  I need to be private.  I will tell you when I am done.”  I never should have believed her.  As soon as  I walked away from the door she jumped off the potty and locked it.  Then I heard her get back on the potty.  I still did not see what was coming.  Miles thought it was hilarious to crawl under the door so I tried to get him out before attempting the door.  He got in while she was pooping.  She started screaming at Miles that he was a boy and she was a girl.  She yelled the words “don’t look at my private vagina” in a public library.  I told her she needed to unklock the door so I could help.

Then I realized my mistake.  Oh shit.  She slid off the too high potty to unlock the door so  I could rescue her private parts from the view of her brother.  The  door unlocked.  There was poop all over the potty from where she slid off and on her legs from I don’t know how.  I think she had tried to get off and then got back on before.  Miles hands were on the potty.  His hands were in the poop.  I wanted to die.

It took me 10 minutes to clean up the poop from everything while trying to keep Miles out of the potties with no lids.  Thank God no poop got on Sophia’s dress.  It would have been a complete meltdown.   Poop did get on my shirt.  I narrowly avoided the same sort of meltdown.

I think I was mad enough that she knows now not to lock public restroom doors.  She also hates poop on anything so that scared her pretty good.  In the case of an almost 3 year old – privacy is over-rated.  You need to keep an eye on the privates.  And the poop.

Yes, when Sophia was potty training I would bring her into the bathroom with me to sit on her little potty and we would wait for the poo poo and pee pee.  We sang potty songs.  We made potty noises.  This went on from when she turned 1 and we started the  poop training (best idea ever by the way) to about 18 months when she could come in if she wanted to 2 years old, when I started telling her that grown-ups like to have some privacy in the bathroom.  While she seems to love that idea of privacy for herself, not so much for me.  I have an audience in the bathroom.  Every time they figure out I am going (our downstairs bathroom does not lock).  Sophia asks questions like “are you pooping or peeing” and really waits the details like “is it a lot or a little”?  She also gives a play by play and announces when anything comes out.  “Oh there is the pee-pee!  Oh – Mommy is pooping!  Do you hear it Miles?  Can I pee pee on your pee pee?” This seems to be some kind of prize -going on top of Mommy’s. Then she makes the noises.  During all of this, Miles is trying to get his hands in the potty – in the space in the back.  I am short.  I can’t sit back or I wobble.   It’s the same on couches.  My feet do not hit the floor so I am unstable.  So there is a space.  My solution?  I now use Sophia’s stool to go to the potty, keep myself balanced and keep my son’s hands out of anything that might be in there while answering questions and providing details about my private parts and business.  Sound familiar or do you just pity me?