Social Experiment: Ladies Lose!

I warn you that this contains stereotypes about the sexes and about certain ages ranges.  Still, it references these stereotypes as part of a very casual but still scientific study that I completed with Sophia and Miles today.  Forgive me and please keep an open mind, think back on your experiences, observe people over the next few days and tell me what you think!  I am so curious to see if people see similar things across the country!

After hitting Target for the required, and very long, list of things my kids need to start pre-school tomorrow in addition to a substitute pair of tightsfor ballet today, we sat down for a special treat lunch.  Tomorrow both of my babies go to pre-school and while I am saying a prayer of thanks that I made it through the summer, I am also a little sad.  I wanted to celebrate with Sophia and Miles with a kiddo lunch of hot dogs and icees.

We sat by the window in the Target snack bar for an hour and watched the world go by.  Yes, it takes them an hour to finish the tiny icee and whole hot dog while people watching.  I believe I have told you that Miles is not as advanced in anything as Sophia was at his age except maybe cuddling. (She never liked that.)  He really barely has any words except mama, Dora, Daddy (maybe but it might just be Dora), Doggie (also might be Dora) and Bye Bye.  This bye bye is perfect.  He has a great wave that goes with it.  He loves to say it to everybody.

So – the experiment.  We sat by the window right next to the Target exit.  Every person leaving Target has to walk right by that window after they have exited the store but before they get outside.  They are inside two automatic doors for about 15 feet.  My children gave an exaggerated wave and said bye bye to every person that walked by.  I would estimate it was about 500 people in that hour.  The exit was rarely empty.  After about 5 minutes Sophia asked if some people could not see them.  She asked why they did not wave to her.  I started to really pay attention.

Who noticed these two adorable children saying bye bye with their faces plastered against the window?  What did people look like when they were leaving this store?  Did people look approachable and friendly or mean, overworked and busy?

Here are the age groups I use for my findings as well as my results.  I did not have a note book or a counter I am just guessing here.  I have added race information only for women, as VERY surprisingly this was the only area in which race made a difference. I realize these are not standard ages for surveys and that most surveys use more exact data but really, neither are needed to think about the results.  So without further ado, here are the results.

Now my kids are cute (as I am sure yours are) and have great waves (I mean real exuberance here people) so I am not at all surprised by the number of smiles and waves we got from people of all ages and colors.  However, as a woman, I was shocked at how few women, particularly white women, even noticed my kids or anything else around them.   But first – here are my general observations on the other groups.

Children (Under 10): (10-15% of surveyed) All the kids were extremely friendly.  Unless they were in trouble and getting pulled out by an ear or something – they waved.  And smiled.  And tried to stay behind to keep waving.  The girls were slightly more friendly than the boys but to be fair, more of the boys were in trouble.  They also looked at everything around them and were generally happy looking and very chatty.  We could see them talking away.  Kids are GREAT!

Tweens and Teens (10-17): (app. 5% of surveyed) We did not see many of this age range, probably because a great deal of them have already started school.  Those that noticed us said hi in a very friendly manner and gave huge smiles.  Miles is a big fan of girls this age so he was pumped when he got a good hand up against the glass.  This was the age that I could see the kids saying “they are so cute” when they were paying attention.  We all loved that!

Young Adults (18-24): (10-15% of surveyed) This age range included the most people who did not even look where they were going, to be honest.  Now I realize that as I did not take their ages, some may have been older or younger but this is the stereotypical selfish age (Yes, I know it does not apply to everybody and I realize that there are women under 24 who have kids!) and the general population today did not disappoint.  The results did surprise me though.  The young guys – hot or not, fat or thin, black or white or whatever, overall noticed a lot of things around them.  They said hi and bye to my kids, offered help to people on the sidewalk outside (seriously) made jokes with older people walking near them or just commented on the gorgeous weather we are having today.  These young dudes looked and acted friendly for the most part.

The ladies in this age range looked mean, pre-occupied and unable to enjoy a beautiful day.  Whether they were by themselves, with a friend, on the phone or blackberrying away – these gals were not up for a friendly hello.  Gosh – no wonder being this age is so hard for us girls!  The few girls that did say hi were super friendly to all so it was not 100% of these gals.  I was just disappointed in the girls overall.  Sophia kept asking why the pretty girls did not say hi.  Actually, in addition to that I was honestly wondering if all young girls now show that much cleavage at work (most in this age range looked to be on a lunch break from work or college), but that is another survey completely.  The point is these new adults were sort of bitchy – and not just because they did not notice my kids.  To everybody.  It was a little gross to watch.

Grown-Ups (25-50 with kids): (app. 25% of surveyed):  There were not many men in this category with kids in tow, but the ones who did were over the top into talking and looking around and actually stopped at the window to play around.  It was crazy.  These daddy dudes were super friendly.

Now – are you ready – because for the majority of my readers – this is us.  Many women with kids (though not as many as without) looked unhappy and even angry.  For the most part, other than those with only a baby in a carrier, these chicas looked like what all the recent talk shows are talking about – the overworked and overstressed mom.  But really?  I wondered why, even when their kids almost always said hi – the moms did not even look any direction but out and walked WAY faster than little kids would normally walk.  Or they were tripping over their kids, very frustrated and trying to hustle them out the door.  Do I do this?  Don’t I pay attention to my kids waving and babbling at other cute kids?  Is my life with y kids really so tough that I can’t be nice to those around me?  They had a guy who was sort of cleaning up and and re-arranging the carts and making sure all the special carts for kids to sit in went back to the right place and most of the moms did not even say thank you to him when he offered to help.  Or if they did he got a “oh, uh no thanks” without even a look in the eye.  But he was super friendly with the kids!  Maybe the first week of school is stressful.  Maybe all these moms were just having a really bad day.  But my basic survey says:  MOMS WITH KIDS WERE THE MOST DISTANT AND BORDERING ON RUDE SECOND ONLY TO THE BAR HOPPING YOUNG SET SHOWING THEIR BOOBS.  Again, it was not all about the hello.  The general pace and energy was frantic.  I think we moms need to TAKE A BREATH.  We should stare at our beautiful kids for a minute and make ourselves smile.  Then we should make sure we smile at other people and encourage our little monsters to have some manners and look at people when they speak to you!  Just like sometimes I feel bad for myself for no reason  – I am blessed – a lot of these women looked like they needed the same message.  There are lots of people who would give a lot to have those little kiddos around – smile and know how lucky you are!  I will say that us mommas fared better than the ladies under 50 without kids but come on ladies – the dudes scored higher across the board!

In case you are wondering, with my kids I really do generally tend to be joyful and pay attention to the things they do and say.  I find their view of the world fascinating and wish I was so exuberant about things that really are miraculous but just seem so normal to me now.  Yes, there are many times when I am pissed off at disobedience and I am sure display a scowl, but overall I try to be happy, even if it is putting on a happy face, when I am with them.  I feel confident that with my kids I would have noticed two little ones waving frantically.  Don’t pat me on the back here – just wait.

Just as an aside and because I noticed – the Black and Latino women responded to my kids more often and other people more often and were much cheerier overall as compared to Caucasian and other races.  I have no idea why.  I just thought that I would point it out given that it seems strange and I did not expect any difference. 

Grown Ups (25-50 without kids):  (app. 25% of surveyed) Let’s just say ditto for the dudes here.  Even though a bunch were clearly working or busy.  They had their blackberries out or were having in depth conversations.  Funny thing is – they did not look unhappy and overall they stopped to open doors like the younger gents and just to generally look around.  Even while on the phone.  They almost all waved and smiled at the kiddos in the window.  To be honest, I think scores would have overall been in the 90% range if people noticed the kids and the others around them.  The guys walked slower in all age ranges.  They looked around.  They did not look like the world was about to end.  Maybe this is because men are like boys and aren’t easily disturbed and are easily made happy but I don’t think so and this is not most men I know.  When I think about it though - my husband and most men are usually more laid back than me – super freak that I am.  Maybe being able to take it easy makes it easier to be open to the things around us?  I am not saying open to appreciating great art or having an hours long conversation about a great bo0k – just being open to a smile or a hello.  It makes a big difference.

Most of the chics without kiddos in tow looked pretty pissed off.  Like they were on their way to save the world and didn’t have enough time to do it.  And you would think the opposite eh?  No terrible twos tugging at you?  Joy Joy! Time alone – whoopee! BUT – when I am running around without my kids I think I might look mad too.  I was so surprised to see so many lady crab apples that I called my husband and asked.  He told me that I probably usually looked like I had a million things on my mind and was distracted and sometimes, yes, I look annoyed.  This made me sad, but I think it is true.  I am sure that when I am running from store to store doing errands I thinking of the next 8 things I have to do and the amount of time I have before I have to get the kids.  I know that sometimes, when I see 20 somethings, I miss going out and not worrying about a babysitter.  Sometimes, when I see people on their lunch breaks, I miss working with grown-ups.  When my kids aren’t around to make me smile – I don’t think I do it enough.  I am going to really try to slow down a little and say some hellos and do a little less sprinting from place to place.  I am just Brittany and I can start saving the world one smile at a time.

Now, to be clear, there were some women in this category with carts stacked so high they could not see us or anyone else.  But there was also a level of rudeness in general from some of the ladies I saw that I do not think I stoop to even with my nastiest annoyed look on.  Man some of these gals were lit up about something!  Girls – I expected better from us.  Really – who would have thought the men would win this survey.  Not I!

All Grown Up (50 +):  (app. 20% of surveyed)  There was no real surprise here.  I guess I should have put this age a little higher given how long we are working these days and how many women choose to and are able to have children well into their 40′s.  Forgive me on this one – think of this as completely past the school age years with kids either out of the house or already in the over teenage years group.  The older people that we saw were very nice.  Some of the very oldest spent a minute or more at the window tapping it with Miles and playing peek a boo.  I am never surprised by the elderly and the very young bonding in a very special way but it always touched me.  Those who were just older and more mature in general seemed to take the Target trip in stride and had the time to notice my two cutie pies and the rest of the world.  Like I said, not surprising given that supposedly the child rearing years of our lives are the most stressful by far.  Whoever has babies to save a marriage is crazy!

Wrap-Up

So – women are not so nice sometimes.  And we don’t always pay attention.  And we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders.   The crazy thing is I don’t think we want to be seen this way and I don’t think we realize that we wear a scowl some of the time.  I think we want to be seen as open and friendly but we sometimes forget that when we have other things to worry about.  We need to let it go.  We need to smile. 

We need to be as friendly as men so that when random surveys are taken in supermarkets that compare us we win.  I mean come on – this is our bag – being all nice and stuff – isn’t it?

I would love your comments.  Again, this was just an hour of observation.  I guessed at the percentages.  I know that things could be very different tomorrow.  I just wanted to see if other women felt the pressure in their lives might somehow show through on their faces and in their actions at unexpected times.  I also wonder what you see when you look around.  My ears are open – let’s talk!

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