Remember when I played The Name Game and mentioned that we were considering not telling our real life friends the names we are considering for our new baby girl? Well, we screwed up and last night after dinner our neighbors were suggesting name after terrible name that I did not like. So, I quickly got sick of acting like we did not have a name and spit out the two names that I cannot get out of my head. Names that I love. The chances are extremely high that this little girl will be named one of these two names. I even said this, hoping to avoid any commentary on the completely and utterly wonderful names that are now a part of my heart.
No Good. My neighbor actually said no to one of them and sort of giggled at the other. What???? Oh yes, she tried to veto one of my names! My husband barely gets a veto right so this was just unbelievable.
In case you are wondering…
1. These names are not out there. I will admit I would love to name my baby girl something beautiful and natural like rain or harmony or star but I just can’t…I am figuring if they want to be that cool I will tell them very early on that I will call them whatever they want and when they are 18 they may change their name, or preferably just add the new one on, legally.
2. There is no odd story like we conceived her in Myrtle Beach so her name is Myrtle. I always find it a little weird when people tell me that the name is indicative of the conception. I guess I am just uncomfortable picturing other people doin’ the deed. Maybe I am the strange one if I can’t help jumping to the bedroom in my brain. Oops!
3. Neither name is a boy’s name. One could be used for a boy or a girl but really, it is more a girl one. The other reeks of the feminine. I could swear a man was never named this name.
4. The initials, using both names, do not spell anything funny or crass like Ass or Vag or Pee.
5. There are no really bad rhymes or terrible nicknames that could make either name difficult. For example, Sophia would like to name the baby Ruby. I told her we could not because Ruby rhymes with boobie. She agreed that was funny.
So my neighbor comes out with a veto on 2 totally acceptable names, slightly funky but mostly mainstream. Not only was I angry but being pregnant, my feelings were very hurt.
My Response: You know, that is why we weren’t going to tell people this time until after she was born.
Her: Oh, I wouldn’t have said anything if she already had that name. We are just having fun.
My Response: Well we think the names are beautiful and I am pretty sure we are going to use one of them since I can’t get them out of my head. They already feel close to me.
Her: Oh , well how about…..(proceeds with more suggestions).
At this point my husband grabs my knee as if to say “don’t get too upset, it’s not a big deal”. I then swipe his hand off as if to say “yes it is and you better stick up for our names now or risk all rewards for some time”.
Everyone just kind of stopped for a minute and I have to say – I pulled it together! I did not get really mad (again I am 6 months pregnant – anger would have been forgivable) and I even managed to make a couple of light hearted jokes. Still, this was not okay. And no, my husband did not come to my and our baby names defense, for which he will pay, of course! Hubbies - always stand up for your wives – even if you think it is a little silly!
Now, when my baby is born, I will know what she thinks. I know I will not care at that point. I also know that once babies are named, except in very rare circumstance, their names just fit them. I think this is because there is so much love when a parent tells people the name. You see and hear the love and then you see the baby and the name just seems right. I don;t think people will see anything but the beauty on her and her name.
I know lots of people, myself included, whose moms or grandmothers have made comments about their grand kids names and have been very hurtful. I am really able to sort of brush off those comments. It is like me saying something about my mother is totally different than my husband saying something about my mother or even worse, a friend. Not okay. This is a no no. Only certain people can comment on certain things. It is one of those little life rules.
I pick my name. You, as my friend, do not bash it. If I ask for you opinion, I am looking for a soft answer. The only exception is if the name rhymes with or is shortened to something vulgar. I would not want to overlook that.
In the end, for me, this one is worse than rubbing my belly or making a comment about my weight or any of those other things that people say pr do to you when you are pregnant. In the end, commenting on someones baby name in a negative way is commenting about their child in a negative way. And this makes us mommas want to kick some ass!
What would you do, or did you do, in a situation like this? Was there something that was worse while you were pregnant? Tell me, tell me!
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I used to tell people we were going to name our son Ichabod and call him Icky for short. Imagine their relief when I later told them I “changed” my mind and would instead name him Nathan. So that’s how I prevented people from bad-mouthing my favorite name… I told them a worse name first!!
People are so rude when they’re around pregnant women. I’m surprised I made it through pregnancy without killing anyone with my bare and swollen hands…
-Jen
NathanRising´s last blog ..A Mobile Conglomeration of Idiots
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Brittany Reply:
October 12th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Jen you rock! Thanks for the comment and what a great idea!
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Did you not learn from me, silly girl! Sometimes people are just missing a sensitivity chip, but I know how hard it is to keep your act together when it’s in your face.
Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com´s last blog ..Toughskins
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Brittany Reply:
October 12th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
I am a slow learner and I do not remember anything because I am pregnant. Give me time wise leader, give me time.
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Great post! We work with teenagers and they were very opinionated about names for both of our boys. They hated the names we picked out (old school names, but not out there at all.) I had to remember this is our baby and not let it bother me.
Miss Mustard Seed´s last blog ..2 Tiered Side Table Revealed
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Brittany Reply:
October 12th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I know I am not going to let it bother me…for too long. I think it is worse because it is another mom, a friend and a neighbor! p.s. your table rocks!
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Nothing is worse than other people’s opinions about your baby names!
We got lots of “oh…how’d you come up with that?” about both our childrens names. Made me want to SMACK people.
BTW – neither of my babies names are “out there”
I don’t have any great response advice, just sympathy! A friendly warning might suffice…”you’re getting really close to ‘crazy pregnant lady’ zone! Back off the names!” could work
Mandy´s last blog ..Laundry Room Makeover
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Naming a baby is one of the hardest things ever..no wait…naming a baby amongst all the input, adivce, and chiding remarks of friends, family and grocery stork clerks is the hardest thing ever! lol.
Love the blog! Thanks for the follow, I’m following you now.
Richele ´s last blog ..Blind Blogger Tutorial: Attaching a link to an image.
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Our daughter ended up with three names, and decided against hyphenating which was originally my plan, because I was tired of hearing about how 1) I wasn’t “honoring” anyone with her name 2) that her middle name sounded like she was livestock (its Buttercup, and its beautiful and 3) Well, isn’t that an awfully long name for such a little person?
I gave in, but I am SO proud of you for not, it turns out, I love my daughters incredibly long name, and it totally fits her so, (un) fortunately the meddlers were right, except about the hyphenated last name, i really wish I had done that.
Good luck, and I’m sure your names are fantastic!
Amy´s last blog ..Things I am too Old for Vol. 1
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My sister is due in two weeks and has been telling me the same thing – that it’s best if you keep it to yourself because you just can’t believe how much people feel it’s okay to tell you those are terrible names. I totally plan to keep the baby names a secret until the birth. It’ll be hard, but I totally don’t want to deal with comments.
I adore GGC’s girl’s name: Fable. ADORE. But I just think I’m soooo not cool enough for that.
Candice´s last blog ..7 Quick Tuesday Takes
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I’m still sitting here stunned that your neighbor behaved in such a way. I can’t keep my mouth from dropping open. We had very mainstream names for our boys and actually changed our minds at the last minute for one. I’m with Jen on this one – tell everyone it’s (fill in the blank) and then once she’s born say, oops we changed our minds. Shoot – you can use my name, Jane – it works for me!
Jane´s last blog ..Tunes for Tuesday – Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
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Thanks for visiting my blog! I’m so happy that it led me to your blog! Great post on names, I can’t wait to check out the rest of your blog!
Joanna´s last blog ..What’s in a Name?
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i put up with SO MUCH CRAP when i told people i was naming my son HENRY STRADLING (family name) and people don’t even THINK that what they are saying is hurtful but it really is – so even if someone tells me they’re going to name their kid BUTTFACE i just smile and say – ISN’T THAT LOVELY? keep your opinions to yourselves you manner-less gnomes!
speakingfromthecrib´s last blog ..THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT – AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT MY NOGGIN AGAINST THE HEADBOARD WHEN MY 80 LB LAB JUMPS ON MY BED AT 3 AM
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People can be insensitive asses. What is that: Oh we’re just having fun? It snot fun if it is making people tense. Whatever. The names people are assigning to their children to try and make them sound distinguished or wealthy or cool or worse yet, different/unique. The trendy names are over the top. Who wants to be in a class where you share a name with anyone, much less 4 or 5 others and therefore get a nickname or use your last initial to indicate which one you are. We had some friends use the name of our 2year old boy, without asking how we felt about it. I thought it was pretty lame since it is not at all a common name. I don’t think we own it but I think it is worthy of mention. Like: Hey I know its seems weird but we really love that name and may name our baby the same. Apparently a very sensitive topic to some and not at all to others. I can’t wait to hear your baby’s name.
magda´s last blog ..Influence or Control…What is your goal?
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Typo:
I meant “it is not”.
Not” It snot”.
sorry
magda´s last blog ..Moments Like This
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Brittany Reply:
October 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Ha Magda its all snot in my house!
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People have commented on our girls names since before each one was born. They both have long names, Grace Annmaire and Kendall Mary Faith, but we love all their names and it was our choice. I really don’t understand some people. Why do they feel it is ok to pass judgement or opinions on what is going on in my life? I try to be ok with what other people do–especially when it comes to children & parenting (as long as it isn’t harmful or dangerous), and expect the same in return. I think you were very nice not to lose it, especially with your hubby. I probably would have been pleasant & polite to hubby while we had company, but he would have HEARD it from me afterwards.
I put a link in to my “other” blog. It’s the one I keep anonomys & private from family & most real life friends and think of it as my “Witch Blog”
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I totally agree with you on this one. We need to get the word out that NEVER EVER say something negative about someone’s baby names. It is soooo tacky and thoughtless and is almost as bad as asking someone when their baby is do when you haven’t even been told the person is pregnant. SOOOOOO not ok. Didn’t happen to me but has happened to people I know and it is crushing. There are just some things that are big No No’s and people need to get some manners. To that end we didn’t tell anyone we were naming our daughter Nola Jane. Which I think is the most badass name ever yet I am sure that we would have gotten comments so I told NOBODY. Cause after the the baby is born nobody ever seems to have the nerve to say a word.
amie´s last blog ..Cold Turkey
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U have mentioned names to me and the ones i think you are talking about i love! I know being prego can cause more emotional breakdowns then necessary but prego or not i would have been upset as well if someone laughed or made fun or was not respectful of my choices. I love you and i cant wait to meet my new neice no matter what her name is!!
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That would certainly rub me the wrong way too. You are so right. It really is along the lines of an outsider saying something negative about your mother, and it not being you who said it. Good for you for not losing your cool. I’m sure it was like keeping the lid on a shaken coke can.
Momisodes´s last blog ..Cloudy with a chance of flying pigs
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Many people always asked me why I didn’t pick “normal” names. Made me so mad! I say if I carry the baby in my body for nine months, it is my business! I’m sorry you were treated this way! I’m sure your name choices are beautiful!!!
Misty´s last blog ..Business Cards Giveaway…
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People were so rude about our choice for our first baby, Monty, but I cannot imagine him being called anything else, and when strangers in the park or shops get chatting and ask his name they always love it, so, can’t be that bad. I think aslong as you guys like it, do not give a stuff what others think! xxx
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Brittany Reply:
October 14th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Thanks Bec and hey I love the name Monty!
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Names are tricky for me. I have a very unusual name complete with an accent. I don’t know what my parents were thinking, it’s created many awkward social situations for me where I’ve gone back and forth with people about the pronouncition of my name. One boss even asked me if I made my name up! The nerve of some people. I don’t know why people don’t watch what they say sometimes. I think you are right though, once the baby comes, the name will fit her and you won’t think twice about what your friend said. Your other childrens’ names are beautiful and I’m sure this one is too.
I like your blog. I found you through Mom Bloggers Follow Group. I am now following and looking forward to reading more.
2 Toddlers and Me´s last blog ..How To Keep Two Toddlers Busy
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Brittany Reply:
October 14th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Oh I will be by your blog tonight! Thanks so much for the comment and support. I know she will be beautiful and her name will fit her! I just can’t wait to meet the little one. Thanks for the blog compliment it is always much appreciated.
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My daughter is going through a similar thing. When she was pregnant with her first she said “If it’s a girl I want to name her Abigail” Well, my niece, who is the same age as her said “You can’t! That’s MY name for a girl”. Now, two years later (my daughter had a boy first) she is expecting again. She talks to me and says “I can’t use Abigail b/c Jess wants that for her girl” so she comes up with Lillyanne. I LOVE IT. She tells the cousin and the cousin says “you can’t use that that’s my other girls name!!” OK… here is my MAIN issue. The cousin… is not married, is not in a relationship. What if she has ALL boys! I told my daughter to name her child what she wants to name her. I named my daughter a name that one of my other cousins also used. In fact, there are three on that side of the family. UGH! Funny how picking a baby name can cause such drama. I’m sure what ever you decide will fit your bundle of joy.
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Brittany Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Julie – I am so of the opinion that there is some sort of time limit on names if one never gets pregnant and someone else is mid baby making – particularly if you are not Jewish. In Ashkenazi Judaism you are not supposed to name a baby the same thing as a living relative so that makes it a little sticky. In this case though I think Abigal is up for grabs and if they are both named Abigail – who cares??? They are cousins not sisters! Thanks for coming by!
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I have had much much worse happen…I have 2 sets of grandparents be disgusted that we where having another child,and they verbally told us we needed to sleep in seperate rooms from then on..imagine not being happy about your future grandchild?????…..So to names ,we choose slightly more unusal names but all biblical names..we have got alot of screwed up noses etc blah ..whatever I carry it,birth ot raise it i call my kid moonbeam of it so pleases me
cute blog btw (1st time reader)
joyfulhomemaker´s last blog ..Cakes
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Brittany Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Oh my gosh I cannot believe they said that to you! How terrible! And hey – moonbeam is a beautiful name. Like you said you carry it you name it! Thanks for coming by – it’s so gald to have new friends. I am off to your blog now!
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The things people say and do around pregnant women boggles the mind. Why does the world at large feel like they have personally knocked you up and now retain 50% ownership of your belly and its contents? Very frustrating. I admire the way you talked yourself through it as your friend was making this common mistake. I’m guessing that had this happened during your first pregnancy, you would have gone all Kill Bill on her, but now that you’re a seasoned veteran, you knew how to breathe and think your way out of an ugly confrontation. (Pregnancy Faux Pas Lamaze? We may be onto something here – I can see the DVD series now, for just three easy payments of $19.95 each, plus shipping & handling.)
Anyway, thanks for finding my blog – this was my first time checking out yours, and I’m hooked!
Kelley
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Brittany Reply:
October 17th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Thanks Kelley you are one funny chica and was I not dying of this cold right now I wold be heading back to your blog. It will wait until tomorrow. Breathe and think – that was one of my better nights. Lately the pregnancy has been a lot more CRELLING. Cryng + Yelling = Crelling.
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My mother named my little sister Buforina.
Yes.
I am being serious.
Sometimes women NEED to be confronted by others about the name picked out for their baby. My mother wasn’t, and my little sister was stuck with that FOREVER.
Now, I can’t imagine her as anything but “Buforina.”
Having said that, my advice is to let it roll of your back and, in the future, simply recommend that your friend name his or her next infant the names he or she has recommended, if possible. Alternatively, you could, if this person is your friend, just tell her everything you have said in this email and ask for her support of your decision, instead of alternatives that she might use on her child. She was insensitive. People are. It’s when we can rise above and be gracious at those times that our character develops in ways that improve our souls.
In my opinion.
Caroline´s last blog ..My Six Month Old Infant and Personality
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Brittany Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Okay in the case of Buforina I will agree something should be tactfully said but I do not know how to say that tactfully. Again, I would say something (somehow) if the name rhymed with vagina or ass or penis or even boobies (as in the case of Ruby, which was suggested by my daughter Sophia.
Again though, I stayed calm. She asked me again last night at dinner about the names and I calmly told her that I am now dreaming about MY name and that is probably going to be it. Once your name is in your dreams – it is kind of set!
I am happy to hear that maybe my character is improving! Woo Hoo!
Thanks for popping by. Could you see my google friend connect? Iask bc everyone is having trouble? Thanks!
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Caroline Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I could not see it. I see “Follow Me” but no google friend connect. I’ll try to go through my blog.
Caroline´s last blog ..My Six Month Old Infant and Personality
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Brittany Reply:
October 19th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I can see it in Internet Explorer but not firefox or chrome. Sorry it is so hard!
Luckily, we never have this problem. We didn’t name any of our four kids until the day we were leaving the hospital. No lists. No preparation. No ideas.
On the positive side, we’ve always felt their names were perfect matches for them since we got a glimpse of their personalities before we bestowed a name upon them.
The negative is there’s a lot of pressure trying to come up with a name in a couple days at the hospital.
James´s last blog ..I’ll Explain Later
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