Folks, My Belly Ain’t Half Full

My outrageous fluid intake over the past week and painful contortions of my pregnant body have neither increased my amniotic fluid levels nor flipped my baby right side down. Let’s just say I am less than thrilled with this information.

I have an AFI (Amniotic Fluid Index) of 6.5 at 32 weeks. Anything above 10 is okay. Normal is 12 to 18. Below 5 spells some serious monitoring and potential problems. In my mind it seems that I am closer to the problem area than the safe zone so I am decidedly not feeling very belly half fullish.  Now granted I am not Suzy sunshine or I might be able to focus on the fact that all of my gorgeous fetus’ other signs are excellent, giving her a Biophysical Profile Score of 8 out of a possible 10.   She seems to be thriving in my arid uterus.  A bit small, but working on all the right things.  I am so happy that she is kicking ass in there.

If they did a Biophysical Profile Score on me, however, results would be different.  Each parameter has a possible score of 0,1 or 2. 

Amniotic Fluid:  Score 1 

It almost sucks.  I actually think that my OB might have given the baby a 0 here.

Second:  Mommy (Fetal) Movement – Score 1   

I can barely move these days without pain.  My legs are almost useless and whatever happens to them while I am pregnant seems to go beyond RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome).  Let’s just say they hurt like a bitch – all the time.  S0metimes tears come to my eyes.  It is most unpleasant and gives me a walk far beyond the prego penguin waddle.  I look like they should just take my legs off completely if I try to move when the pain is at its worst.  Seriously, it looks like I would be better without them.

I have been twisting my body into inversions while hugely pregnant in order to get the baby turned around and avoid a cesarean section that I do not want.  I already have scarring on the va jay jay that I can blame on Sophia and the infected stitches from my “tiny” tear that healed the wrong way.  I am not begging for abdominal surgery as well. 

What contortions am I doing?  Well, some of the poses are just nice yoga poses getting your pelvic area above your boobie area.  The one that is ridiculous is where I gracefully bend backwards off the couch or stairs, nearly dying in the process, to get the sharpest angle I guess.  Can you even believe it did not work?  I could have sworn God would bless me and unbreech the babe with all my efforts.  And I know you wish I had a video, because my husband has been out of town since last Friday and I have to get myself in and out of these precarious positions by myself.  I have slipped more than once and my language is more than colorful.

As a Side Note:  I have chosen to blame the breech nature of this baby on Miles.  This way if I do have to have a c-section each of my existing children will carry the blame for one scar.  I think that is fair.  Turns out breech can sometimes be caused by constant carrying of a toddler on one hip, putting the uterus in an unbalanced position.  Guess which side the baby is on?  Not the side I carry my giant toddler on.  I have been saying that Sophia was always independent and Miles is attached to my hip.  Turns out I should have put him down and let him cope a bit more.  I’m not the only one whose style he cramped eh?

Third:  Fetal Tone – Score 1

Can I say this is measuring movement as well – the active extension and flexion of the limbs and hands.  I have already mentioned my pregnancy Carpel Tunnel.  I type alright but man could I use a little help on the squeezing and small motor movements of my hands and feet.

Fourth:  Fetal “Breathing” – Score 2

I am still breathing.  Thank God.

Fifth:  NST (Non Stress Test) – Score 1

On a fetus this is measured by heart rate.  Baby girl in there is not stressed at all.  Let’s just say I almost gave myself a zero.  I have not slept more than 3 hours in a day in more than a week because I do not take anything while Ross is away.  I do not want to be groggy if anything happens in the night you know?  Coupled with my lack of sleep I have already gone into detail about all the crap I have to get done.  Now I am told I need to have a pre-term labor plan as well.  Great.  Fun.  She told me to try to relax.  I almost used the f word to my OB.  *IMF%$#ING* possible babe.

Conclusion

What’s my total?  I think I was generous with myself and based on these numbers I get a 6.  What would this mean if I were the baby?  6 is closely monitoring.  5 or below would indicate delivery.

Told you…I am just not feeling like a belly half full kind of girl today.  I was told to go ahead and schedule a massage.  Thank you dear husband.  I love you, and I’ll take a hug and kiss when you get home, but right now the only rubbing I need is from my massuese.

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