When you have kids – a lack of privacy seems to become the norm. Some people are better at preserving this precious privacy better than me. For me – it flew out the door the minute I got to Labor & Delivery to have Sophia in 2006. Whenever I think it can’t get any worse – it does. Perhaps you have similar experiences – let’s review the 3 MAJOR things I have left hanging out there for everyone to see.
1. My life. My innermost thoughts. I started a blog for heaven’s sake and while I try to keep other people’s secrets I pour mine out on a regular basis. I never felt the need to spill my beans and find an additional community before I was pregnant. I will share my journey to becoming a blogger in the nexy few weeks. It is actually an emotional journey and deserves its own post – not to be shared with words about my nether region you know!
2. My Boobs. Before I had Sophia only a handful of people had seen or touched my boobs. My mom (but not in a long time), a couple of boyfriends over the years (okay maybe a few more than a handful of people but not a lot), my doctor, my OB at my annual exam, a friend who got her boobs done to my size and we decided to see how they felt after a LOT to drink and my gorgeous husband.
When I was in labor with Sophia I got really sick and off came my soiled gown and for minutes I think anyone who came in saw my tatas. Then, after Sophia was born, the lactation consultants all saw my boobs. They also poked and prodded and squeezed them in a way I had never imagined my boobs being handled. I was a little shocked at first, but then I had a new baby for the first time and you kind of just let everybody do what they will with your bod because at least I had no idea what was going on.
After I came home and the neighbors started coming by the whole world might as well have seen them. Learning to breastfeed is hard and it was nearly impossible to do it discreetly at first so the boobs just kept popping out. Not only did my mother see my boobs again but worst of all my mother in law did and I don’t know why but that just killed me! I just couldn’t hide them from anyone! Sophia would pull her head away and there would be a boob. I would try to adjust and whoops another boobie shot. Thank God my neighbors are cool because they ALL saw my goods. When I left the house to do errands the number of boobie sightings went up exponentially. I was just not good at nursing for awhile and if it wasn’t for the Bebe Au Lait nursing cover there might not be a soul left in Charlotte without first hand knowledge of my chest.
Now, I am an expert at nursing. I can use my cover, I can do it in a sling, I have found the perfect shirts, I can hide them with the baby’s head. But who really cares…everybody has already seen them.
3. My VaJayJay. There is nothing like the last few weeks of a pregnancy and then labor and delivery to make you feel completely exposed in a way you never thought possible down there. I was actually a little weirded out by it. I NEVER let my husband come to my OB appointments after that first ultrasound where dumb old me had no idea that they used that phallic thing to see the baby. I was mortified. I just did not feel that was my best look – you know – I felt like it took some of my “sexy” away. Then, in labor & delivery, against my wishes for the privacy of my vajayjay and the maintenance of SOME sexy, my husband watched Sophia come out. I am not mad anymore – I forgave him – because he understood right away why I did not want him to look. But still – a room of random people plus my husband and they are seeing IT just totally out there. This, I got over. People have babies. Everything will go back to normal.
Nope. Today I reached a new level of exposure. I did not want to be shaved at the hospital in case they have to do a c-section so I got my first bikini wax. Oh. My. Holy. Hell. It. Hurt. And laying on table with no pants on not having nookie or having a baby I felt more exposed than I ever had before. I may never subject myself to this again. Ladies who do this regularly – I salute you. I thought I might die. And I added another person to the list of those who have seen IT and up close. UGH!
The Final Straw
So, in pain when I got home, I got in the bath. I had some new bubbles that smell like orange tic tacs and the fantabulous smell must have distracted Sophia from her Max and Ruby because she came in and insisted on washing me. I was too tired to resist. So, instead of reading my romance novel and soaking in a lovely bath I was washed, by hand, head to to, boobies and all, by a three year old. She said I was dirty and she had to clean me so that I could sing in her concert. She said there are no dirty girls allowed. She talked and talked and washed and washed.
I laid in the tub and realized that for the next few years, I am giving up on privacy. It’s those kids! They are there in the bathroom, they run in on my showers, they comment on me whenever I am naked. Sophia lifts up my shirt to show strangers the baby. I am having another baby and the boobs will be out for awhile. I have no chance. I am defeated.
You are lucky I have some semblence of sanity left and did not just post a nudie pic for the world and be done with it.
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I am the Ringmaster of this circus. I have 3 small children who don't know what that means so I just say "Boss" and they get that. I am a mom who loves to write, build things, make things and love on my kids and my hubs. I am also in the midst of a love affair with social media. Always busy, usually laughing and never without words. Thus, Mommy Words. 
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
this is such a funny post! I am terrified of all of these things (maybe that is why I haven’t had kids yet)… I literally think I may be THE MOST MODEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!
ok, i only wear a swim suit when i am pregnant because i am too modest to reveal, well, anything. but i feel the big belly bump shields my body from true scrutiny. i had elective c-sections to avoid having to have all of the additional pelvic exams and stuff that comes with regular style delivery. i swore i would not breastfeed b/c again with the modesty. but i did it. i still like to hide my body. i am a weirdo about any sort of adult nudity/exposure in my presence. i want to see as little as be seen. glad i have little boys who i cannot ruin with my hangups. i love for them to be nude as much as possible.
.-= magda´s last blog ..Path Of Least Resistance =-.
that is too cute, your daughter taking care of you. At my kids ages they insist on their privacy but do I get mine……….NO
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..Special Saturday Post =-.
PS…good luck with the delivery
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..Special Saturday Post =-.
Love it!!!!!!!!!!
.-= Brandi´s last blog ..Old Dreams, New Dreams =-.
You might as well just have someone film the whole birth complete with the no-top kangaroo care, the nursing, etc. and post it on your blog. I guarantee at least 3000 hits.
.-= Holly´s last blog ..Caleb’s Birthday =-.
Oh Dear, I remember all that. My girls are teens and still walk in on me in the bathroom. But your little girl washing you is one of the sweetest things I ever heard. She obviously was returning the love and care you show her, by caring for you. How precious: )
Love it. Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Can’t wait to see some pics of baby!
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Before I Was Momma… =-.
Well I’m not modest at all – I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many people have seen my breasts, but I’m right with you when it comes to my vajayjay.
Pre-labor, I had a rule that NO ONE would see any part of me from the waist down. After my epidural didn’t work correctly, and I couldn’t move, my planned modesty quickly became a joke! After my c-section, the remaining bit of my modesty went down the toilet. Who knew the underwear I’d packed wouldn’t work with my incision? Who knew so many people would need to check my nether region?
Luckily breastfeeding went well from the beginning, so I didn’t have a ton of people checking my boobs. But at that point, would it have mattered?
Twitter: gratefultwinmom
January 17, 2010 at 11:10 pm
You are so right! The twins are 7, and the they still come in the bathroom when I’m in there. Last night they wanted to see my put on the “pretty bra.” Oy.
.-= Lynn´s last blog ..Discipline–Part 2 or "this bird’s gotta sing a different tune" =-.
Twitter: bookishpenguin
January 18, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I’ve had a bunch of bikini waxes and I think about them the same way I think about the GYN – this is what s/he does for a living and s/he has probably seen better or worse. You haven’t lived until a waxer has made you get on all fours so she could be “thorough.” Oh boy. lol
I had a breast reduction a few years ago and you haven’t lived until you’ve had a man who could be your father draw a surgery map all over your breasts, with arrows showing where your nipples will end up – and then take a picture. LOL (No face in the pic, of course.)
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Cake or death? =-.
oh goodness. AMEN! My gosh, my favorite is when Jackson and I are in a public bathroom. I already have to go potty in front of him…so let’s make it worse by him asking (most times rather loudly), “are you going pee pee or poopoo?”. Ugh.
.-= Becki´s last blog ..January =-.