I got this bumper sticker in the mail after I had Sophia and purchased one of many slings to wear my precious bundle in. I laughed hysterically then and put it in my office. I still laugh every day. I have said it before – motherhood makes you laugh and cry. It is about a balance between yourself, your marriage and your kids that is almost impossible to find. As I prepare to have and nurse my third baby I know that both of these boobie statements are true – but they do not co-exist in my world. That is the Boobie Trap.
I am a little, okay a lot grossed out by the idea of nutrional nursing and sexual nuzzling happening at the same time when you know – milk comes out sometimes. Neither of us want to know what it tastes like. Seriously my curiosoty does not go there. If my husband did, I am not sure my boobs would ever be fun again. We may never recover. Dramatic but true. We are wooses like that. Also, I don’t have the easiest time breastfeeding and I have always stuck it out but I just don’t get that sassy feeling about the tatas when a baby needs them to eat and they hurt and they are too big and nursing is tiring etc etc.
Besides the fact that boobs are off the bedroom table while nursing – breastfeeding was not easy on my husband. I think he wanted to comfort them more than anything else. He felt bad for all the mastitis that these girls had to endure. He couldn’t believe how painful some days were and how many tears I shed while making it through the first couple of months. I think more than attraction he might have felt a strange sense of pride at their accomplishment. That is not so sexy, you know? Sort of like soldiers for our baby – fighting through the pain. Doesn’t make you get all hot at all.
I will say that what is fun for daddy about the fact that my boobs are exclusive food for baby is that daddy gets to sleep a LOT more than mommy. And he has his hands free a lot more. He does not have to wake in the night to feed the baby or worry about measuring milk intake at each feeding. He doesn’t get the joy of changing all those mid feeding diapers. He just gets to rest at night. And for parents of a newborn – that is the most fun of all – is it not – real rest where it is not your turn? Happens a lot less when boobs are for food.
So, while I am nursing the boobs are food for baby and when I am done the baby is done and my boobs once again belong to me. Or my husband thinks they are his but you get it. When we are done when we are done and they are fun again.
Pretty funny. Pretty sad. Pretty amazing what these babies can do!
They will be fun again soon enough. But in a few weeks – these gals will have a full time job – and breastfeeding ended up being one of my absolute favorite parts of my babies early lives. I am lucky. It is all worth it.
I will keep that sticker forever. It is just a great reminder, funny as it is, of how important it is to give yourself both to your kids and your partner and what a challenge it really is. And no, I am not just talking about your boobs. Get your minds out of the gutter! It is not always easy to be a mom and a wife.
How do you handle both? I can admit that I am not both a peppy mom and a sparky wife everyday. It is something I am working on this year…but I have a couple months after the baby is born to get my plan together. I get a free pass on sassy with a newborn!
Like this post? Don’t want to miss a Mommy Words Moment? Then subscribe via RSS or by email to get all the latest from this Mom’s mouth! You can also use the social buttons below to add this post to your favorite sites or send it to your friends. Please spread the MOMMY WORDS!
I am the Ringmaster of this circus. I have 3 small children who don't know what that means so I just say "Boss" and they get that. I am a mom who loves to write, build things, make things and love on my kids and my hubs. I am also in the midst of a love affair with social media. Always busy, usually laughing and never without words. Thus, Mommy Words. 
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Husband and I are quite “adventurous/try anything once” people anyways and he actually found it very sexy if it was “in the moment” and said he liked the taste. This being said though I remember once when we were at a wedding without Son and I needed to express but forgot my pump and I asked him to “get it going” and he was grossed out by it… vaguely remember him saying he felt like he was milking a cow.
So I suppose for us it depends on if it’s in the right context and situation. But I wasn’t going to miss out on taking full advantage of finally (for once!) having big boobies!
Also btw, love this post. I love it when people talk openly and honestly about breastfeeding.
.-= Eve´s last blog ..Well hello there… =-.
Twitter: mommywords
January 6, 2010 at 9:54 am
Eve that is impressively adventurous. I think he loves you more than my husband loves me
You are so funny that you asked him to get it going. Ross’ mouth would have hit the floor!
I actually had sort of a different experience too because I suffer from hyperlactation and I am just over 5 feet tall and I quickly became a 32E while nursing. Thery were just too big for me to feel sexy and they made WAY too much milk.
Thanks for the love. I will ALWAYS talk openly and honestly.
I agree!! I cannot cross that line of breastfeeding and what my breasts other use is. He was cut off to put it simply. But I also did not feel the bonding and attachment so I did not nurse my babies very long…my first a month, the twins 6 weeks and my last child 3 months.
At one time I would never post that but now I feel that it was my choice and people can keep their opinions to themselves.
Great post.
.-= Bonnie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Twitter: mommywords
January 6, 2010 at 9:48 am
Bonnie – cut off. Police line. DO NOT CROSS. I never thought I was squirmy about anything until I imagined breastmilk on my husband. And that is saying a lot! I have a whole post on what my stomach can handle and how my husband is the real woos!
Good for you being confident that you did what was right for you and your baby. I found attachment and peace with my babies on my boobs and I was lucky in that and I was too lazy to make a bottle in the night. Also, my kids would not eat from a bottle so I just figured what the hell I will keep doing this so they don’t starve and then it stuck. Do not ever feel judged here!
I know I was not supposed to share my opinion but since I think you are awesome I thought it would be okay!
Okay, honesty time right? You were honest with me I’ll be honest with you.
I was kinda freaked out by the whole idea of my husband being anywhere near the feeding machines. He was kinda grossed out by the whole thing too. He had no interest in tasting or how it worked or whatever. But, when we were together things happen and he’s a boob man (Hey, I breastfed for 22 months!). He’s accidentially tasted it, not something he’s proud of. Not something I’m proud of. Still thinking about it freaks me out. But we just worked around it, we tried to leave the girls out of that activity but if I got squeezed and something happened, we just turned red-faced and refused to mention it… Real mature, huh?
What an interesting and honest post. Once I got the hang of it breast feeding was great and I loved it. I don’t recall that my husband dabbled with them much at the time, but I did force him to taste a drip or two. I did as well. It is thinner than cows milk and sweet. Quite pleasant.
It did get painful when full but I was lucky enough to avoid mastitis.
good luck.
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..An Overdue Awards Ceremony =-.
Great post. And it’s so true! I, too, don’t feel that they can work for both at the same time. Just…no.
You did a nice job explaining it. I may have to forward this post to my husband!
.-= CynthiaK´s last blog ..The REAL Ten Best Things About Parenthood. Possibly. =-.
Yeah. Cut off during nursing. It really freaks me out when anything but a baby touches my breast until the baby is several, SEVERAL months old. I believe he has accidently tasted and then didn’t go there again! LOL
Balance is so hard! It’s so easy to be all mommy. Oh well.
I’m thinking of you. Those first few days and weeks of nursing are so hard. People think I’m insane when I say it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve done. (Of course, that all changes once you and the baby get used to it.) For both babies, my husband wanted to just give them a bottle before the milk came in and I stood firm and held out! Thank God. What a rewarding experience!
.-= michelle´s last blog ..Guest Blog =-.
I really loved this post. I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve been breastfeeding my daughter for 9 months now and we’re still going strong. I plan to allow her to self-wean, but I’m getting a little overwhelmed. She’s been going through a massive growth spurt for about a month now and I’m just wiped out! I definitely plan to stick with my plan, but I do miss having my boobs to myself. I wonder when they’ll feel like mine again.
As for my hubby’s relationship with my boobs, he definitely does NOT give them the attention he used to but that’s okay. I have no desire to breastfeed him and I don’t think he’s interested in being breastfed either. I’ve decided to allow him to set the pace when it comes to his interest in “the girls”. Together, we can both figure out what we’re comfortable with.
Love your blog and love following your tweets.
.-= Kristi´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – It’s All Fun & Games Until Someone Gets Hurt =-.
Twitter: bookishpenguin
January 6, 2010 at 11:35 am
Thanks for writing this! Like Eve above, I really appreciate it when someone writes openly and honestly about breastfeeding.
I’ve started to “warn” my husband that he may not be “allowed” to touch the boobs for a few months (at least) if I’m breastfeeding – and that if he does, he might get squirted, it might hurt me, it might be creepy, and so on. I’m still on the other side of this world – to me, the boobs are still all for fun, not yet for function – so I have no idea how it’ll go when/if they achieve their intended function. (I had reduction surgery, so I’m not sure how it’ll all go.) He just said to get him a porn subscription and he’ll manage just fine. LOL
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Another "mighty" list =-.
I didn’t breast feed, but I didn’t let my then husband touch em anyway.
.-= Lee the Hot Flash Queen´s last blog ..The Bitch Is Back =-.
It was a delicate walk that we did when our son was born. I nursed for 7 months! So…being cut off was not an option, I tried to keep my bra on for a while, and he let me get away with it, but after a few months that too had to go & I had to remember that I am WOMAN first and Mom second in the bedroom.
Although at the first cry I was always up and out of the bedroom to see what could possibly be wrong. LOL Such is the life of a mom!
Twitter: ThetaMom
January 6, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I am with Lee! I also didn’t breastfeed and the LAST thing I wanted after giving birth were other hands all over them. I appreciate your honesty throughout this post!
Twitter: ThetaMom
January 6, 2010 at 12:48 pm
There’s my comment luv…it must be a wacky thing between you and I! LOL
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Organization Madness Turned Into a Teachable Moment =-.
Oy. I definitely remember jiggling both roles after having my daughter (no pun intended). It was a challenge. But like you said, in the beginning, they are usually exclusively a food source.
Besides, I was incredibly leaky with my daughter for months and months!
Sorry…TMI?
.-= Momisodes´s last blog ..More like Ms Piggy =-.
yeah, at the beginning my boobies are just for my babies. and I know my hubs agrees b/c the idea of milk coming out pretty much freaked him out. I used to refer to them as Monster Milk Makers which is probably not all that sexy. Nor is watching me hook my tits up to a bunch of tubes to pump milk while my nasty shrunken stretch marky stomach was bared to the world. LOL. This is pretty gross, but we used to have a friend that LOVED it when his wife was nursing b/c he liked to sample the breast milk too – he said it tasted like rice pudding (gag). To each his own I guess.
.-= existentialwaitress´s last blog .. =-.
Twitter: zanditaylor
January 6, 2010 at 4:41 pm
I am soooooo with you on this. Been BF’ing for 18 months and if thats no enough this kid uses them as his personal comfort item… he will stick his hand down my shirt at ANY given moment. CONFESSION: in the mornings he will snuggle in bed with us and then after he BF’s I turn on the TV and he will sit and watch while “holding” my boobs for anywhere up to 30mins – if I try and turn over he’ll freak out. It buys me extra sleep so I allow it , but its really not a great habit to encourage i know…
Poor husband is swatted away frequently…
.-= Zandi´s last blog ..Anatomy of a SuperMom Part 2 =-.
Twitter: gratefultwinmom
January 6, 2010 at 8:13 pm
I think the Boobie Trap exists in other parts of trying to balance our lives, in addition to how to manage the boobies for fun vs. food debate. For example, there’s the boobie trap of how to have a serious conversation with your husband about how to manage your children’s table manners, but you only remember to bring that up when you’re at the table. Or the boobie trap of trying to take time for yourself, like to exercise or read, when you only have 1 hour between helping the kids with their homework and putting dinner on the table. Motherhood indeed makes us laugh and cry, and in working on trying to achieve the impossible, I’m going to continue to not take myself too seriously.
.-= Lynn´s last blog ..As Time Goes By, the Future Glints on the Horizon =-.
Twitter: madatmama
January 6, 2010 at 9:06 pm
The Boobie Trap is in full effect here. We practice child led weaning and I tandem nurse my 2 year old and my 1 year old. The girls are definitely off limits to the husband and honestly I cannot remember how I ever found them to be a turn on in the first place! Once my role as a nursing mother comes to an end I might feel differently but the very thought of it now seems foreign to me. They were meant to be a source of food and comfort to my children. I would be interested to know more about how they came about to be part of the sex equation in the first place.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..First Day of School Jitters =-.
Sassy. Sassy? I am not even sure if I remember how to spell that right. Hold on, there was an afternoon where we had a babysitter and went for lunch, drinks, a walk. I think I even put make up on and dried my hair for the occasion. And I felt a little sassy. That’s once in 9 months. Not bad, eh?
PS: I once tried breastmilk. Accidentally!! Have to say though that it’s quite tasty. Vanilla milk shake like. No wonder babies like it
.-= Metropolitan Mum´s last blog ..Scenes from a Metropolitan marriage =-.