This morning I went to the OB for that mandatory check-up that lets you know your girl parts are okay and you are cleared to get back in the saddle. What saddle, you ask? To be specific – sex and exercise.
I am sure some of you amazing women were pumped for this appointment and rushed home after you got the go ahead to combine the aforementioned sex and exercise in a sweaty passionate workout with your long neglected lover.
I am not in that group of amazing women. Not. At. All. I am sitting in Breuggers Bagels stuffing myself with cream cheese and wondering if I should tell my gorgeous wonderful husband that the doc told me to wait a little longer. That is bad, I know. I adore my very sexy husband. But girls, I have my reasons.
First, I am not feeling so sexy these days. At 20 pounds from my goal weight with a nether region that was last used to birth a baby and boobs that are larger than my baby’s head that projectile spray whenever they hear a noise or feel a nudge I’m not exactly longing to be naked. We spoke at length here about the boobie trap and how these boobs, as voluptuous as they are, are for baby only.
Second, call me crazy but I’m just not, um, feeling it. Breastfeeding saps you of all sexual hormones and doing it every 90 minutes all day leaves little time for me to get all hot and bothered. And, with 3 kids 3 and under I am not sure when we are supposed to do that foreplay thing that is supposed to help. Especially, and this is big, since Violet sleeps not 2 feet from me and sounds like a little car battery with all her snorts and loud breathing. It doesn’t help. It makes my boobs leak – see above.
Third, I am scared. I mean it. I had some scarring down there from an infection after having Sophia that hurt for a long time and while I think it is all okay now, I get really nervous. You need not know more – it used to hurt like a bitch. No joke.
That about covers the sex. Honey, I love you but it might be a little while. And take a lot of wine. I need to be tipsy enough to forget that I am taking my clothes off.
As far as the exercise, well, I just totally hate it. There’s another hour out of my day that I don’t have. I don’t like being sweaty. I can’t ever plan it right. I’m no good at it. You get it. I know I have to do THIS to lose the 20 pounds that will make me the hottie I want to be for my hubby so that I will want to do THAT.
It’s just not going to be today. Or tomorrow. But his birthday is next week, so I really need to pull myself together, huh?
So – what group did you fall into? Please say that I not alone!
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: bookishpenguin
March 4, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Thanks for being so honest. This is one of those uncharted areas that I’ve thought a bunch about during my pregnancy and actually talked to my husband about, too. I wanted to talk about it before it actually happened and we weren’t discussing it in a “I feel neglected/You don’t understand how I feel” set of moods. I even already had a friend tell us both, “And the first time? It’s going to hurt. Just so you know.” So the hubby is aware that it’s possibly not all rainbows at 6 weeks.
We all know 6 weeks is “the norm” but some women are ready at three or four weeks (bless their hearts) and some aren’t ready for six months. Just because your nether region is ready doesn’t mean the rest of you, physically and mentally, is ready. And the breastfeeding hormone thing is very real (and makes sense biologically – don’t want to have another baby if you’re still newly nursing one).
I don’t have first hand experience on this yet, but I’d say don’t give yourself a deadline. You’ll know when you’re ready. And, again, I really appreciate you being open and sharing this.
Candice´s last blog ..Down After Up
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I was feeling the same way after my youngest was born. I really had no desire to jump into the sex and exercise thing.
I had a C-section so I used pretty much every excuse in a book why I CAN’T.
It took few months, but I got back into it and hubs is happy again.
I am sure your hubs will understand.
Bibi´s last blog ..Le Creuset 6-Quart Stock Pot GIVEAWAY
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Your honesty is a breath of fresh air. I was right there with you after I had my daughter. We didn’t get the okay after the 6 week check up, because of complications after my delivery, but when we did a few weeks later I still wasn’t feeling it. Take your time, your husband will understand. You’ll feel it again when you are ready.
Lisa´s last blog ..11 Years: A Sad Anniversary
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No, you are definitely not alone. I wasn’t so anxious about getting back in the saddle either, mostly due to the 4th degree tear I ended up with, but at 10 weeks postpartum, it’s getting much easier for me (mentally and physically). I am still definitely having some body issues with the extra 10 pounds I’m wearing, but what’s worse is that it feels like my entire body turned to mush! I take good care of myself, exercised regularly prior to my pregnancy, and stayed very active throughout my pregnancy, so it’s certainly time to get back to a regular exercise routine. I’ve only worked out a handful of times since my 6 week ob visit, but I’m starting to remember (and long for) how much better my energy level was when I exercised regularly. It’s been a crazy cold and snowy winter for us, so I’ve got cabin fever in a big way and I swear my kid doesn’t know what fresh air or sunshine are yet. But we are supposed to have a gorgeous weekend here and my husband is taking off work tomorrow – so we’ll be tearing up all the local parks with the stroller.
I feel for you though, and love your post. The one thing I’m learning as a new mom is to trust myself, I know when things are right for me and I’m sure you do for yourself. Congrats again on your beautiful new baby!
Dear Sydney´s last blog ..wordless wednesday …
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No you are not alone. I have never really been ready at 6 weeks, things still hurt from tearing. Compound that with lack of sleep and who can be in the mood. Just be honest with the hubby, he has to understand even if they can’t relate.
Heather´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Anticipation
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No idea. But I know that even now, at 15 weeks. I feel utterly un-sexual and, therefore, super guilty. I’m sure you will jump back in the saddle when the time comes. Until then how about some nice, non-sweaty yoga?
Saint Tigerlily´s last blog ..Radiatore with Sausage & Leeks
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Saint Tigerlily Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Oh and to clarify, I am fifteen weeks pregnant, not fifteen weeks after delivery!
Saint Tigerlily´s last blog ..Radiatore with Sausage & Leeks
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Yep I had the same thing while I was pregnant! Poor Ross huh? Are you finding out what you are having? So exciting for a new baby!!!
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I’ve never had children, but a friend of mine was talking to me about this the other day. I googled information and let her know that she is NOT ALONE! I think more women need to write about this!
The Boob Nazi´s last blog ..What’s Worse?
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You are definitely not alone. I to am a little heavier thatn i was when we got together and i feel un-sexy. not to mention im on medicine that kills my sex drive. so having sex with my hubby whom i love dearly is completely out of the question unless its been a while for him then i give in and trudge thorough it. It doesn’t make me feel any sexier because im constantly thinking of the fat roll that is developing in my hips and mid section and how uncomfortable i am to be seen naked. so you are definitely not alone just talk to him and explain that although you love him you just cant bring yourself to that point right now if he loves you he will understand.
Jessica ´s last blog ..Learning to talk….
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Hubs and I joke that it’s not a 6 week check-up, but a 6 MONTH check-up before you can have sex after a baby. No way was I ready to have sex soon after having a baby.
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Girl – I dreaded the 6 week check-up b/c hubs thought it was the green light for the normal business to immediately resume….you are NOT alone…between the drama of delivery on the body and the hormonal imbalance – I was so not ready after baby arrived!
Theta Mom´s last blog ..The Launch of TMC: Theta Mom Community
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Phew – I knew I was not alone! Off to check it out because I have been working on a community concept lately.
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A year later and I still dont know if I am ready, lol. That was the last thing I thought about for awhile…..btw lack of sleep, dealing with two kids and my body not feeling quite right it took awhile. Stopping by from TMC.
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Oh don’t feel bad, at all!!! My son is 3.5 months and hubby and I have yet to do anything post delivery. I had two REALLY bad tears and it took a long while to heal, too. It’s still sensitive from time to time and I’m just not ready to have it cause me pain. Maybe one day,
My Life As Mom´s last blog ..WW: BEES ARE FOR EATING
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that’s too funny – i love ready your posts -
no you’re not alone…. I think mst women feel the same way.
anne´s last blog ..Chocolate Cheerios Giveaway
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I have to agree with you … sometimes it just isn’t there… I would honestly just say to wonderful hubby that despite the doctor’s all clear… you’re just not there yet – a good night’s sleep and less leaky boobs will go a long way to helping… you’ll know when you’re ready… I wouldn’t worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier … am now following you too!
Heather ~ Acting Balanced Mom´s last blog ..Comments on Blogs…
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I didn’t want to but I kind of just wanted to get it over with. It wasn’t too terrible and it definitely gets better. Wine and a dark room don’t hurt either.
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
I am in your camp. Lots of wine (I will have to pump and dump
and a VERY dark room. Of course then I might just pass out!
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You are nowhere near alone! I dreaded that day and when it did happen, it hurt! So, I was never anxious to get back to it. Quite frankly, I’d have paid good money to avoid it for at least a few more months….maybe even a year.
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
Ithink maybe a year and I would be looking for a new husband!
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Oh, man, this sounds hard. I’ve not had children, so I’m not going to be much help. But I wanted to comment anyway, to tell you that I think it’s fantastic that you are being so honest, and I think you should tell your husband the same! Hang in there! Hugs!!
joan´s last blog ..I’m Ba-ack!!
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You certainly are not alone. I remember feeling that exact same with after both of my kids were born. 6 weeks was not nearly enough time for me to forget all my body went through and get back into the mood!
Visit from TMC!!
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Really enjoyed your post.. and can totally relate. I have four children (baby is 19), breastfed them all, and even was reminded last weekend of all the baby sounds an infant makes when I kept my niece’s five week old baby overnight. I think it also might have to do with the fact that it is baby #3 as well. We are more exhausted than after the first, and just not ready yet! That being said, you know it will come back soon enough.. so no worries. Hopefully hubby is patient.. he should be busy (and exhausted) when he is home with 3 kids 3 and under!!!
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I must be the odd one out. I had a 4 week PP visit and the doctor said to wait a little bit longer.. I couldn’t help it. That night, 4 weeks PP, we were at it. It hurt, NO LIE. And I wish I had of waited because I think I tore myself a bit more, but whatever, done and over with.
Spouse was more than ready to go. But that could be because he’s young, lol.
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Bex oh my you are imressive. It hurt like hell both times when we did do it! And hubs is ready and waiting, but he knows the drill…and he read this post!
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I waited well beyond the 6 weeks with both kids. With the first, I tried after the doctor gave me the okay, but it didn’t take long at all for me to realize it was not going to happen. With the second, I bled past 6 weeks, so that was a no go. On top of that, I wasn’t exactly in the mood for that stuff. That soon after having a baby I would take whatever sleep I could get, so sex was on the back burner. I’m sure that your hubby will understand. When you’re ready, you’re ready.
Angela´s last blog ..Guilt-free Broccoli Soup
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Angela I did the same thing the first time – a few seconds and I changed my mind REALLY fast! Ross is totally understanding but I do allow him to mock me just a little bit. If he wasn’t cut off already he grabbed my baby chub today – that would have ended his chances immediately!
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I’ve never done six weeks. It’s more like 9, and I could wait even longer if hubs wasn’t panting like a dog at my feet.
It’s never hurt for me post-baby, but I totally get the “I’ve never felt less sexy” thing. who wants to have sex when you are tired and have a soggy bra? No one.
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Brittany Reply:
March 4th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Yep the soggy bra kills it right away. Already been through 6 soaked pads today – we are so not going at it. Guess I am just not a bunny!
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I am SO in your camp. Why after I had the twins, I don’t think we did it for months — for all the reasons you mentioned above.
Take your time. It will come back to you. Just not today.
Zen Mom´s last blog ..Inquiring Minds…
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Twitter: blahggy
March 5, 2010 at 9:59 am
I can’t imagine having sex so soon as 6 week postpartum! I’m 28 weeks pregnant and it ain’t even happening now! I started letting down and leaking at 5 months (I am apparently very ahead of the game with that one). For my husband, the idea of his daughter RIGHTTHERE and the thought of being leaked on, or worse, accidentally swallowing some colostrum, are, to say the least, NOT turn ons. And I don’t think he has any illusions about after she’s born.
I say just direct them back to the Internet or some magazines. Whatever it takes to get ‘em through so we can be left alone for time being. They’ll be FINE. Besides, you just gave him a CHILD. Through your VAGINA. Hello! What did HE do?! Waited a little longer for sex, that’s what. Not even a fair trade.
Liza´s last blog ..Another Whacked-Out Pregnancy Dream
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With my first, no way! But with our second, we didn’t exactly make it to the 6 week mark…
Amy´s last blog ..More Fabulous Earth Fare Coupons
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Brittany Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 10:20 am
I am impressed and give you the good wife award! I give myself no award for this these days – oh wait – I gave him his children! I get tons of awards! So do you! Woohoo!
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I think most of woman after giving birth had the same dilemma, I- myself too had that, unfortunately, I wasn’t really able to gain the hottie body I had before. It is so damn difficult when you are trying to divided your self as a mother of 3, career woman and a dedicated wife. Those eat all of my time!
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I remember this so well. I love my husband and so i made an effort for him, but it was really tough. Honestly, I still don’t feel that sexy — after four babies my body will never be the same. Every time I catch a glimpse of my saggy muffin-top belly, I want to cover myself up in a nun’s habit.
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After my first baby, I bought Abs of Steel and worked out like crazy. I was determined that pregnancy was NOT going to change me. ha ha, jokes on me. I was pregnant the whole time with baby #2 and wasted all my effort trying to tone my belly (they are 13 months apart.) I learned my lesson. No exercise for me until menopause.
Milehimama´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes vol. 9
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Give it time. All of it. You are working so hard nursing that baby (mine nursed every 90 minutes too) and with TWO OTHERS under THREE!
Maybe you can find ways of bonding with your hubby that don’t involve, well, penetration for a while.
REALLY Hang in there, you will get through this but you need to give yourself a break. And time.
Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..Ramona Age 36
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I remember being raring to go after Fuss was born around 4 weeks, but then ended up with some scarring issues and couldn’t do the deed until closer 12 weeks and it was months before it was truly comfortable. I’m a little more nervous about it this time around, now that I’ve been burned once, you know? There will need to be some good quantities of alcohol consumed.
But there are other ways of making my DH feel good, so I remember doing that occasionally (in return for a back rub or foot rub – that was all I wanted!) postpartum and there will be some more of that this time, most likely.
Christiana´s last blog ..10 on Tuesday
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I am totally with you on this. 6 weeks was never long enough for me. Apologies to my hubby.
TooManyHats´s last blog ..Monday Menu Mania
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I’m in your group!
After 2 kids, my mind and body simply lost the interest of getting a good workout with my dear husband. It has taken a back seat for quite sometime now and hmmm… no idea of when I’ll spring out of this.
Rachel´s last blog ..Strawberry (With White Hair), Anyone?
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Brittany Reply:
March 11th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Rachel I am just so glad I am not alone. As you can see in the comments the overwhelming majority did not just jump back in the sack!
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Brittany,
I was right there with you! My baby is going to be 3 this summer and my big girl is 6…both tiemes, I wished I could say the Dr told me to wait! You’ve already done this twice, you wil be ok! Hang in there!
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