Before I got pregnant I was all about surfing the web, but I never shared anything about myself on the Internet. When I got knocked up and was going through that LONG 12 week wait to tell people, I figured out pretty quickly that I could spill the beans online and chit chat about my little fetus to my heart’s content.
It started with What to Expect and Baby Center message boards. I met so many incredible women and felt a sense of comfort and complete lack of embarrassment sharing my feelings as I progressed through the months of my first pregnancy. I had a forum to ask and answer questions, whine about aches and pains and husband stuff and generally just be myself. With no fear. I dove in and have never looked back.
After I had Sophia I stayed on my boards and just gabbed away about life with a newborn and very mundane daily living. Everyone was talking about the same stuff. Boobs, Babies, Poop…the usual. It was comforting to have a place to share all the little stuff. But really, it ended up being so much more.
When I had my first miscarriage at 10 weeks in the hospital and had one of the worst nights of my life laying cold and alone and bleeding in the hallway outside the ultrasound room, I was emotionally depleted and completely at a loss. I turned to my message boards and was given an amount of love and compassion that amazed me and was so happy that I had made these friends. I am so thankful that I had these women. No one knew I was pregnant other than my husband, my sister and my mother. The only friends that I could share my grief with were online.
The girls I knew referred me to a miscarriage and loss board that saved my life, emotionally speaking. This is the point at which I began to pour my guts out online, and I will never regret exposing myself to these women. Without them I would not have known how to talk about my feelings and really work through my grief. I don’t know what I would have done without their support. This was more than 2 years ago and I continue to include these women and their angel babies in my prayers. Having women who understood what I felt was so important at that time in my life. This was the first time that I learned that my online friends were my real life friends. We shared phone numbers and email addresses. I got text messages sending hugs and pick me up notes. I am lucky I had that support system.
When I started TTC ing (Trying to Conceive) again I found a group of extraordinary women called The Luckies and I can’t even express how fabulously awesome these chicks are. They support each other through years of fertility treatments, through BFP (big fat positive) hits and misses, through fertility charting and so much more. They are there for the whole process – from tryingto get pregnant to having the baby to breastfeeding to going back to work to trying for another baby. I met so many wonderful friends on the Luckies boards and believeme – I share everything with them when I am on. Now, years after I found them, many of us are on our 2nd or 3rd pregnancies and the girls actually met in Vegas for a weekend! I wish I had been there! Luckies – I know I am not on as much anymore but I am sending you TONS of baby dust and lots of hugs and kisses!
When I look back, I see that my babies brought me online. My babies helped me to make friends with other women and join the cyber community before they were even born. I did not even glance at blogs at this point, but I had found the tip of a very amazing iceberg in these communities of women. It was only a matter of time until I started to read blogs…and just a bit longer until I would start my own.
How did you first start sharing yourself online? Are your online relationships as important to you as mine are? I would love to hear from you!
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I am the Ringmaster of this circus. I have 3 small children who don't know what that means so I just say "Boss" and they get that. I am a mom who loves to write, build things, make things and love on my kids and my hubs. I am also in the midst of a love affair with social media. Always busy, usually laughing and never without words. Thus, Mommy Words. 
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
I started sharing myself online when I started couponing a year ago. Prior to this, I was NEVER online. As a matter of fact, I hated being online. If you go to my blog, I have the button to my favorite coupon site. The people I’ve met on there have always been really great. There are many different forums on that site that don’t necessarily have to do with coupons. If I’m going through any hard times, I know I can post about it on there, and they will give me advice or just say something positive to comfort me.
Because of them (many of them had blogs), I started blogging to post about great deals and coupons. However, when I started reading other people’s blogs, I just really enjoyed learning more about others and wanted to share more about myself and my family instead. I’ve met many great people on online, and I have to agree that they are very important to me.
.-= jackie´s last blog ..Mama Guilt Mondays =-.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Isn’t it craxy the need to share and to be a part of other people’s stories??? I love the community I have found! And p.s. love having you as a new bloggy friend!
Cute blog!NEw Follower from the Friday Follow! Debi
.-= Debi (Truthful Mommy)´s last blog ..What did you say, Willis? =-.
You and I have a similar story. Going through the process of TTC and having miscarriages (i’ve had 10) – i found a lot of support online. I find it is a difficult subject for my friends IRL to talk to me about and I needed to have someone to talk to about it (other then just my husband)- and someone who understands.
Thank you for sharing!
.-= Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Orange Beef with Fried Rice =-.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 12:17 pm
I found it really hard to talk to my friends IRL too. Like I was a burden or something. It was actually worse after my next miscarriage. I had 2 kids then and some people actually made me feel like it was no biggie because I already had 2! I was floored – I went running back to my online buddies for the real support I needed!
Hugs to you sweetie – 10 miscarriages must be devastating! Our angel babies are together!
Twitter: bookishpenguin
April 6, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I always kept a journal when I was growing up, so it felt natural to me to start keeping an online journal. I started with LiveJournal and made friends through there. Eventually, drama ensued (LJ is a magnet for that kind of thing) and I ended up making the journal friends-only. While I enjoyed being able to write about absolutely anything b/c I knew exactly who was reading, I missed forcing myself to write more generally and in a way that would be interesting to someone who didn’t know me as well.
So I started my Bookish Penguin blog in December ’08 after being on LJ from about ’04/’05 – ’08. I haven’t delved too much into message boards on sites and things, mainly because I find them to be really time-consuming and it takes me a lot of skimming to find things interesting enough to me… but it’s amazing when it happens.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..7 Quick Tuesday Takes – 34 weeks =-.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I got lucky with message boards – I never got lost because I always stuck with one group. I alwasy found that the birth boards got really snarky and mean but the luckies were SO positive! Now they are on iVillage and not babycenter and we keep getting new girls to welcome to the baby making club.
I am so glad I found your blog and that you started something outside of your LJ friends. I can;t wait to meet you IRL at Blogher!
Pregnancy brought me online – but its the friends I’ve made that keep me here. Even when I’m so exhausted I can’t stand up straight, I make time to blog and visit blogs, because that’s my support network.
I don’t know what I would do without it.
.-= amber´s last blog ..She is One. =-.
Mine was because of my kids, too. When my oldest was born, I stopped working and then had NO friends around. I joined a few message boards and am still close with some of those ladies 5 years later.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 1:59 pm
I had a big lonely feeling that online has helped fill too!
After I had my first child, I posted a ton of pictures on facebook. My parents weren’t on facebook, so I thought I’d start a blog when we moved away from them. I’ve tried a few times and always ended up more depressed than I wanted to. So far, I have really enjoyed these past few months and can’t wait to have online friends like everyone is always talking about!
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Editing Makes me Happy =-.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Christy – I think family is the reason for a lot of people and then the friends you start to make become addicting! It is so great to have such open and honest realtionships – especially with other women. Thanks for commenting!
this is going to sound silly after your heartfelt post but I was searching the internet for information on a pop star I had seen on the Brit Awards. I found a brand new forum dedicated to him and jumped right in.. it has been around four years now and I know these, mostly woman, as well as anyone. I even flew to London to meet a lot of the woman [the pop star was Robbie Williams who is British]
Blogging was a place for me to post my poetry and it has evolved from there..
Great post
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..I’m a Snickerbar Addict Martini =-.
Twitter: mommywords
April 6, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Not silly! You can come online or anything! I also got into Geneaology around the same time and was all over that online…just did not fit into the post! I’m trying to shorten things up.
Great post and sharing. I love having online relationships since it can be hard to foster the in person ones, especially when you get a group of folks you really connect to. The hard time I am having is really trying to manage the ‘friends’ on blogger. I love twitter for this reason, it’s easy to see a quick one line and go check it out. I am still working on making sure I appreciate and develop those online friendships the best- in the midst of two kiddos it can be a challenge. God knows the more talking I do here the less nuts I drive my hubby
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.-= Bree Anderson´s last blog ..Mommy & Me Link Up; In wait for the big hunt =-.
Twitter: gratefultwinmom
April 6, 2010 at 3:51 pm
I was inspired to come online and share about my life as a working mom because of my friend whose blog is amazing (clueless but hopeful mama). Being an English teacher makes me a frustrated writer, and blogging is such an incredible journaling tool. To make friends through commenting, though, has been the real reward. I’m still new at this, but I thoroughly enjoy it. Thanks for asking us to reflect.
.-= Grateful Twin Mom´s last blog ..Who’s this game for anyway, them or me? =-.
I first started talking/sharing with people online back in early 1999 at a discussion forum. I’ve been a member and moderator there ever since.
I first started blogging in 2005. I’ve always liked to write journals and such and having a blog just seemed like it would be fun.
I was an active member and participant at the Baby Center name polls for a few years and made good friends through there about 5 or 6 years ago. We started our own private group at YahooGroups in 2004 or 2005. We’ve talked about everything under the sun. You name it, we’ve probably talked about it – religion, politics, sex, babies, TTC, our husbands, our bodies, current events, our dreams, etc. We’ve talked on the phone, sent each other cards, gifts, flowers. I consider them true friends, though I’ve only met two of our group of 20+.
.-= Niki´s last blog ..Tennis Shoes and High Grass =-.
I love my online friends. I started sharing myself on Myspace. I met some people who are currently on my speed dial. We’ve met in person. We can talk to each other as if we’ve known each other all our lives. It’s a beautiful world, having online friends.
I was unable to sleep the other night, processing worries and thoughts about getting our house on the market and selling it quickly so we don’t have two mortgages. I got on Facebook and saw that only my friends on the other side of the Atlantic were online. Friends I wouldn’t normally see online when I’m usually surfing.
I chatted with one in India. She told me her dad just died and she’s home alone now. In India you live with your parents into adulthood. She was really lonely and needed a laugh. We talked about her plans and joked about guys. When I got offline and went back to bed I thought about her and sent her good vibes to support her through this hard transition.
I think my online friends do that with me as well. I feel very supported with all my 2D friends.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Love is Never Having to Say I’m Sorry, I Met an Old Lover on Facebook and I Want a Divorce =-.
Twitter: mommythisnthat
April 7, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I started a blog right around the time I got married. I didn’t update and found it hard to get into a rhythm, so I let it go. Blogger probably purged it, if they do that sort of thing! Then we decided it was time to add to our family and try for our first child. That was all the motivation I needed to start a new blog and chronicle this new chapter of our lives. I was reading blogs about fashion prior to TTC and was amazed at all the mommy bloggers out there and the rest as they say is history!
.-= Melisa´s last blog ..Toddler Bed =-.
I’m so glad to hear how you started in on this crazy blogging thing! I wish I would have known about this amazing community of women when I went through my miscarriage. But I’m here now and love it. It started as a way to document my sewing and to learn more about it, but it has become so much more! So glad it has.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Goal In Sight! =-.
I’m proud to say that I was briefly one of the “Luckies”
Once a Lucky, always a Lucky, I hope?
It’s funny but miscarriage also drove to start a blog. I set it up on Wordpress and tried to actually put words on the page many many times, but nothing ever came out. I also had a very severe case of preeclampsia when my son was born, which prompted me to think about writing my experiences down again, but once again nothing came out.
Then out of the blue, the idea occurred to me to start a blog about the most unlikely topic: eBaying. I think part of what stopped me from sharing my pregnancy experiences before was that it was just too raw, and I didn’t really have anything to teach. But I’ve become pretty good at making some supplementary income on eBay, and it’s actually a really fun hobby, so I teach people how to handle some of the most common eBay seller situations in a non-douchy way, for free. I like to teach, I love to write, and I think even those people who don’t do the eBay thing enjoy the voyeuristic aspec of what I’m doing.
Maybe one day my blog will be as cool as Mommy Words, but for now I’m happy just having an outlet.
Oh yes! I love those Luckies! I think they kept me sane through the TTCing times and I missed them terribly when my girl was born and I had to be away from the computer so much (that whole checking the internet 30 times a day while you’re in the office vs. a newborn who doesn’t let you type with 2 hands…) My blog started when I was ready to TTC and my husband was not and then has followed my TTC journey, my first daughter’s birth and growth, trying for the next one, a miscarriage of my own and now another pregnancy. It’s a diary, a conversation, a batch of memories… I love my blog. (and I love yours, too!)
.-= Christiana´s last blog ..Picture post =-.
Twitter: zanditaylor
April 10, 2010 at 11:34 pm
I do not know how i missed this post till today but naturally I LOVE it. Luckies have kept me ( almost) sane from the moment I started trying to get pregnant and on my less-than-sane-days they are there for me to realize that I am not abnormal . I’ve met many of our Luckies but am fortunate enough to get to hang out with you on a more regular basis since we live closer together than most! I have made seriously lifelong friends through the internet as well as meeting my husband on here… to me, a LOT of good things have come through the computer screen. Being a South African ex-pat I have friends and family all over the globe so from the moment I left home to see the world at 19 I have been online as its my lifeline to all my peeps, RL and OL . I thank my “Lucky” stars that we live in an era where communication is so easy, coz that allows me to have more and more friends, and you can never have too many