It has come to my attention time and time again that many people assume I (and many other women) stuck with breastfeeding because it must have just clicked for me.  I hear things like “I wish it had been so easy for me” and I want to respond, but I know whatever I say will come out sounding like I am obsessed with other women’s lactation decisions.  I am not.

I have no problem with mothers making the choice to breastfeed or formula feed.  I totally get that some mothers cannot breastfeed and wish they could.  I understand that certain work scenarios make it almost impossible to maintain a milk supply.  There are so many reasons why breastfeeding may or not work for a woman.  I am not commenting on or judging those reasons.  I promise. 

Here’s the thing though…

Please don’t look at me and assume this breastfeeding thing is all easy and sweet.  Because breastfeeding is the one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.   It is also one of the things I am most proud of and I will never regret going through what I have in order to nurse my children. 

I, like many people, said I was going to breastfeed my children.  I was sure of it.  My mom breastfed all of us and never mentioned it being hard.  I figured it might take a couple days but then everything would be wonderful.  I did not fully understand it all or what it would take, but I read the books and went to the classes and said “I’m going to do that.”

No matter what happened, I did that and I am still doing it.  Some days I can’t believe it.  I thought about giving up.  It was that hard.

In the Beginning…and After the Beginning

In September of 2006 Sophia was born.  My milk came in right away, so fast that she could not latch on when I held her in the moments after she was born.  She would simply slide off.  I spent the days in the hospital crying through the night while lactation consultants came in and tried every position to help my firstborn to eat.  She got some milk while I was in the strangest positions and while it was painful, I could actually squeeze milk into her small mouth.   My lactation consultant advised me to come in 2 days after we went home.  Everyone thought that I just got my milk early and that after the normal engorgement everything would work itself out. 

When I got to the LC’s office I had a low grade fever and my breasts were as hard as rocks.  I had a small red area on one side and as I cringed in pain while holding Sophia’s mouth to my breast to eat, the LC informed me that I was most likely already experiencing mastitis from being unable to empty the milk and from the strange way that Sophia had to eat so that she would not drown in milk.  I am not kidding, if she did not clench down and take one gulp at a time her little face would be covered in milk.  It was terrible for her as she ended up choking and spitting and upset.  It was awful for me as I wondered what to do and felt completely embarrassed.  The two of us were constantly dripping.  I went home with a call into my OB for antibiotics and a scale to measure how much milk Sophia was actually getting.  Turns out if you cover the baby in milk not a lot goes in.

It did not take long to figure out that I was struggling with hyperlactation.  I had weekly appointments with the LC for a couple of months.  I made WAY too much milk.  It’s funny because some people find breastfeeding hard because they have to nurse or pump so much to keep supply up.  I had to do a crazy routine of block feeding combined with minimal pumping and then a once a day pump out to keep my supply from building up and getting me sick. 

Sophia and I finally figured out our own little complicated routine.  I cherish the moments I have spent nursing each of my children and do not regret at all my decision to stick with it.  However, my overproduction was not improving.  I had mastitis multiple times, constantly struggled with plugged ducts and was completely exhausted and overwhelmed by breastfeeding in my first few months of motherhood.

Besides being sick, I never really thought about the fact that my husband could not breastfeed.  No one’s can, unfortunately.  It was all my boobs…all the time.  We could not get Sophia to take a bottle and with our crazy weighing and recording and pumping schedule there was little Ross could do to help.  Why take a bottle when the milk came so much faster from the boob?  Nothing worked.  There is a joke that Brittany does nights.  I have been up for so long at all hours of the morning that it is true.  I do nights. Ross does give backrubs, bless his heart.

Back to Work

When Sophia was 14 weeks old, I went back to work with my pump.  I never went anywhere without a pump.  I had the hand pump for my purse (still do) and the big double electric for work.  My team and boss were aware that I was breastfeeding, but man was it hard.  I had to pump every three hours or risk a very embarrassing situation at work.  I took calls from the little room I pumped in.  I sat attached to those plastic cups with my blackberry in hand, trying to keep up with my days.  At the end of that day I had two coolers full of small bottles of milk.  We all thought that with me at work she would learn to take the bottle quickly.  We were all wrong.

Sophia did something called reverse cycling, where instead of learning to sleep through the night and eat during the day, the baby holds out during the day, content to get all of their nutrition directly from their mama.  She would have only a few sips at daycare and then nurse every couple of hours all night long.  She ate almost constantly from 6 to 10 p.m. and then every 3 hours until I left for work.  Honestly, it was grueling.  Also, our freezer was completely full of milk that she never drank.

I told everyone I knew that I was devoted to breastfeeding 100% and not to give me the option to give up.    Things were so hard that even my husband Ross, who fully supported me, told me he would still be proud of me if I gave up.  He was worried about me.  I was too, but each day things got a little tiny bit easier and I told myself that motherhood would require many battles and many sacrifices.  This was just one of them. 

Finally at around 7 months old, Sophia took a bottle.  Finally, she was drinking all that milk I pumped.  It felt like a miracle.  She started to sleep through the night and I started to feel like a human being again.

I ended up quitting my job.  I am so lucky that I was able to do that, but it made me so sad.  I love working and I was good at what I did.  I just needed to focus on being a mom and on feeling better.  Very soon after leaving my job I was feeling like a human again and I was pregnant again.

While I never wrestled with reverse cycling again, breastfeeding did not get easier the 2ndand3rd time around.

All My Children

As it turns out…none of my kids were big bottle fans.  Miles started learning to drink from a sippy at 6 months old and Violet has actually never wanted anything to do with one.  Yes, we tried it right away and kept trying.  Yes, we had babysitters try.  She is a no go.  She would not even try standard sippies until recently.  Just the boob.  Always the boob. 

All of my kids had to be weighed at each feeding to see how much milk they were getting, much like babies nursing from low milk supply or with latch issues. 

I continue to struggle with hyperlactation andhadmy last bout of mastitis just a couple months ago.  My LC is my friend now.  We got close.

I continue to leak milk each and every day.  I had to put pads in to write this post.  Violet is 14 months old and the furthest I have been from her is a party we went to 15 miles from my house.   While I have gotten the crazy spray under control (it used to shoot across the room) this is not ideal in any way. 

All of my children learned to nurse with a lot of work and patience.  It is a beautiful thing for me to feed them.  It just didn’t come “naturally” at all.

Breastfeeding Blues

I don’t think this is an actual term, but man do I feel like a fish out of water sometimes.   I have a lot of friends who had babies at the same time as me and a few that breastfed and a lot that did not, at least not past a month or so.  When you are breastfeeding, especially with a bottle hating baby, there are no breaks.  I am not invited to girls weekends.  We have missed couples getaways and anything that involves not bringing the baby.  Sometimes I just want to stop, but I don’t feel like it’s the right time and honestly, if Violet is my last, I am not ready to give up this time we have together.  I do want a night away with Ross or with friends, but we are just not ready.

Right Now

Things are easier now.  Violet is a good eater and my hyperlactation is as under control as it can be.  For the first time, I do not have to pump anymore, and I couldn’t be more excited to feel less like a cow and more like a lady.  While Violet still eats throughout the night we have a schedule and hey, she’s a cute addition to any blogging conference.  We will go on vacation alone at some point.  My other children self-weaned.  I think perhaps it was because things change when you are pregnant and my supply diminished, allowing me to cut out feedings.  I’m not preggers so at this point she is still getting lots of yummy milk.  Why wean?  As she gets busier I think she will drop some daytime feedings and I do hope that she starts to sleep through the night.  All in all, we are good. 

My Choice

I know that this is my choice.  At any time I could be done and say goodbye to breastfeeding.   I’m not looking for anyone to feel bad for me, just to share my story.  For me, as long as I could nurse my children, I was going to do it.   Many people are shocked that I kept breastfeeding.  Even my pediatrician suggested it was okay if I stop.  I never asked for anyone else to approve of my choice but I did ask them to support it.   While I make jokes about my struggles I have never really expressed how hard it was.   Most breastfeeding moms I talk to have struggled at some point and know what a challenge it can be to stick with it until it starts to feel natural and fit in your life.  I know I am not alone.

Breastfeeding my children is a gift.  Despite the battles, I would not make a different choice if I could.  Believe me, there are parenting areas in which I take the easy road.  This is just one where I decided to fight for my choice.  And I was lucky enough to win.

My Point (If there is one)

Yes, this is my story.  All moms have one.  It sometimes feels like because of the formula vs. breast milk war breastfeeding moms are not allowed to express their story for fear of offending a mom who could not or chose not to breastfeed.  Motherhood is hard no matter what choices you make in breastfeeding or anything else.   Motherhood is not a competition.  Sharing our different choices and journeys is important.    Maybe telling my story will allow another mom who is struggling to stick with it.  Maybe it will simply make people aware that the pride a breastfeeding mom feels is not because she is looking down on anyone else, but because she is happy with herself and this accomplishment.  Maybe my story will upset some people.  I sincerely hope not. 

I am that mom who is really proud of myself for sticking with it.  Because while breastfeeding my kids is one of the most amazing things I have ever done, I have something to tell you.     

It’s not all nips and giggles.

With Violet already 13 months old, I had no idea we would use this machine every single day.  I have found so many different things I can make and so far – the kids really like what we make!

How It Works: 

Well, it could not be easier.  You simply fill the cup to the line and pour water into the opening on the top.  Then you put your chopped ingredients in the cup.  Plug in the Baby Brezza and hit Steam and Blend.  Select the number of minutes.  Then hit start.  After the steaming has completed the machine will automatically blend your ingredient into a yummy puree for baby!  This is perfect for a new baby who is mainly eating one ingredient meals.

I actually usually steam and blend separately because I am using more than one ingredient and actually trying to get a little fancy with my flavors.   The kids all love apples and applesauce, for instance.  Now we make Avocado Cinnamon Applesauce and it is yummy.  All my kids eat it!  So I steam the apples and then open up the cup and throw in the avocado and cinnamon.  Then I hit blend.  When I get the consistency I want, we let it cool off and we eat it!

I also use the Baby Brezza just to blend food for Violet.  She is old enough to eat what we are eating so I will simply put the meat and veggies and potatoes into the container and hit blend until I get to a consistency she can eat.  This is perfect for helping her adjust to big kid food.

I received the grain basket and storage containers so if I am making a little rice I just throw it in the basket and steam away.  All of my kids can eat rice now so there is no need to blend.  I love not having to take out the big pot to make a small serving for them.  If I making food for baby Violet and I want to store some I use the little storage cups and simply pourin my puree and throw the cups in the freezer or fridge.   If I want to use the purees I simply put them back in the basket and can defrost them using the baby Brezza!  I love this!

Mixing it Up:

With a young baby, food is simple and the simpler the better.  The Baby Brezza can give you confidence that you know exactly what you are feeding your little one.  As babies get older, they appreciate new flavors and mixtures and the Baby Brezza can do it all.  There are recipes included in the Baby Brezza manual and thousands online and in baby cookbooks.  Older babies will try almost anything and like most flavors, so this can be a great chance to use the Baby Brezza to introduce your baby to some of your favorite spices and flavors.

One of our favorite things to do with the Brezza is make our own yogurt flavors.  While I have actually tried making yogurt in the past it is not easy enough for me.  But now I like to make my own natural fruit purees and mix them with plain organic yogurt (whole milk for Violet and Low Fat for the kids).  We made Apple Blueberry with Cinnamon today and it is yummy!

I put the apples in for 5 minutes and then added the blueberries for the last 10 minutes and switched the Brezza to the Steam & Blend setting.  Isn’t it pretty?  When we took the cap off it smelled amazing!  Then I simply mix the puree with the yogurt and let the kids help stir.  Voila!  Our very own yogurt flavors for a fraction of the the cost every day!  Here you can see the storage containers in their basket with the puree inside and the mixed yogurt. 

Well, I saw the fruit purees and realized that they could not only be used for baby cooking but for lots of grown up desserts or breakfast spreads.  Yes, I am just a little in love with this tiny machine.

The Nuts & Bolts:

The Baby Brezza is small and cute and I allow it to sit on my counter.  This is a privilege.  Not many things get to just hang out there.  The basket and accessories and lid are all dishwasher safe.  The water compartment is very easy to clean out with a brush and easy to empty into the sink.  The machine has little suction cups on the bottom to keep it from moving.  I love this little detail.  So far everything has been very intuituve with the machine.  It seems well made and very well thought through.

Overall:

I really like the Baby Brezza and given that I use this every day and I never kept up with using pots and pans and food processors to make my baby food, I say this is a pretty impressive little machine.  It costs $99.99 and will pay for itself if you use it anywhere near as much as I do.  I would highly reccomend the Baby Brezza if you want to make your baby’s food and you want it to be easy.   It is indeed the One Step Baby Food Maker.

Giveaway:

You can win your very own Baby Brezza One Step Baby Food Maker here!  It’s easy!  Follow Mommy Words publicly by joining through Google Friend Connect and tell me you are and tell me what you can’t wait to make in the Baby Brezza!  Google Friend Connect is on the sidebar where you see all of my lovely readers’ faces.

Extra Entries:  You must leave a separate comment for each extra entry to count and extra entries won’t count unless the required entry is done.  If you already subscribe  or follow Mommy Words this counts – just let me know!

1.  Subscribe to Mommy Words via RSS reader or Email and tell me you are .  You can find the buttons at the top of the site or use the links I just provided.

2.  Follow @mommywords on Twitter here and leave me your twitter name.

3.  Follow @BabyBrezza on twitter here.

4.  Tweet about this giveaway 1 time each day and let me know you tweeted!  Please tweet – Win the Baby Brezza – the best little baby food maker out there from @mommywords. http://bit.ly/eYBS90

5.  Post about this giveaway on your blog with a link back to the post and get 3 entries!  Just leave me the link in 3 comments.

Would you please consider liking Mommy Words on Facebook here and Baby Brezza on Facebook here?  We would love to connect with you!  Remember to share this giveaway with your friends – it’s the nice thing to do!  Just Like this post below or share it on your wall!  Thank You!

Giveaway Rules and Disclaimer: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only. It begins on March 5, 2011 and will end on March 19 , 2011 at 9 pm. One winner with a valid entry will be selected at random using the And The Winner Is plugin.  The winner will be contacted via email if I have his or her email and must respond within 48 hours to claim. Otherwise, another eligible entry will be chosen. Good luck!

I received the Baby Brezza to facilitate this review.  My opinion of this product is all my own.

You are 1 today baby girl.  Happy Birthday! 

It has been quite a year.  A year ago I went into the hospital praying with every part of me that you would be okay. You were breech for most of the 38 weeks you spent in my body.  I tried everything to get you to flip but I guess you were just happy being right side up, with your head towards my heart.  I had extremely low amniotic fluid and you did not or could not move. I had hoped you were just lazy. We got you checked every single week with ultrasounds and NSTs but no one really knew why you didn’t move.  It was lovely to see your beautiful face so often, but some very scary diseases were mentioned.  Your daddy and I already loved you so much, we just wanted to meet you and hold you and show you we loved you no matter what.  When I got to the hospital I was prepped for a c-section and told that the chances of flipping you during the ECV procedure I elected were slim.   I was really scared, baby girl, and wanted to have you naturally and not add the risks of surgery to all my other fears.  After 3 terribly painful tries, my Dr. and 2 nurses were able to physically push you around and move your head down.  The relief I felt is indescribable.  You were stubborn like your mama but in the end you came out the easy way, and I want to thank you for that.

Violet, you were 5 pounds 12 ounces of perfection.  We were scared of so many things but you came out kicking and screaming and pink and I cried huge tears of joy.   Actually, of all my babies you came out the healthiest.  Sophia was born with all these holes in her heart.  Miles was born with plagiocephaly and his noggin was shaped like my pelvis.  You were a tiny little spitfire who came into this world ready to play ball.   It felt like a miracle.  I introduced you to the world right here on the day you were born.

Every day I fall more in love with you.  You are a fabulous cuddler.  You love to sing.  You love to kiss and clap and click your little tongue.  Violet, your brother and sister play rough, and you can take it.  Even when you were tiny and got stepped on or pulled or rolled over, you usually laughed and started kicking.  That’s my girl.  You are one tough cookie.  These days you are a rough one yourself and love to roll around with the big kids.   You are also the sweetest thing.  When someone is crying, you go to them.  When I am crying, you put your cheek next to mine and hum and honey, it helps.  Thank you.  Having a big heart will bring you more joy in your life than having anything else.  That gift is priceless.  You, my sweet girl, are priceless.

Violet, you laugh and smile the most when you are jumping or dancing.  So for you honey, Happy Birthday.  I hope you laugh and dance forever.

Love and Kisses,

Mommy

Well, I found the time to thwart her incredibly fast crawl and nimble climbing skills.  I am, after all, a mother.  If there is one thing more important than just loving my kids to bits and pieces, it is keeping them alive so I can do the aforementioned loving.

Meet my new best friends.

This is the North States Superyard.  It is the only gate I have ever found that will work with my wonky high molding and very narrow original to the house stairs.  They did not send me this gate for free.  I bought it and I love it.  It comes with 6 panels and I only used 2.  It can also be used as a playpen and of course it could save lives or just your sanity too.  I just love it. I’m going to order the extra 2 panels and make a play yard out of the 4 I have left.   I love it!  Even better…it is also blocking the bathroom from sneaky Miles who loves to fill everything he can find with water.  And it is super safe because to place a gate on or against the stairs would allow a toddler to use the stairs to climb over it and get some serious injuries (Yes, this has happened to us with previous gates – not the injuries but the toddlers launching themselves over the gate).  With this that is not an issue.

And this is the smallest fireplace screen I could find for my tiny little fireplace that I adore.  Violet seems to love it too.  She was scooping up the fake embers and trying to eat them.  She was trying to get on the logs.  She was probably fascinated by the pilot light.  She was making me nauseous just thinking about possible outcomes.  She started out confused and then got bored.  It was exactly the reaction I was looking for.  I then proceeded to terrify Sophia and Miles, telling them that they could get burned if they touched it and to tell me the minute anyone stepped on the tile.  It might have been overkill, but I like that they believed me.  Again, saving lives can be tricky.

With these two fancy little numbers, not only did I save my baby from 2 possible death threats, I also kept buckets of water from being poured on my floors thanks to Miles.  And another plus?  Without worrying about the grim reaper visting Violet I was able to actually clean the kitchen, fold the laundry and spend 10 minutes tweeting with the kids in the house.  It’s not sexy but it was oh so good.

All in a days work!

1.  Flammable

2.  Covered in glass and death by choking on ornament thingies

3.  Wrapped in electrical wires with a pool of water on the bottom

on our floor .

If you can manage it, more power to you.  Also, please check your smoke alarm battery and bone up on the Heimlich maneuver.  Just in case.

Our tree is up off the ground at at only $12.00 reaches almost the full 10 feet of our ceiling.  I also had less light strands to battle with and fewer ornaments to find a place for.   Those light strands are my nemesis people.  My arms are all scratched up just from this!  Also, clever present storage underneath.  I am putting a table skirt on today and they will be fully hidden from the kiddos.

It’s a win win win.

Have any Christmas tree horror stories that forced you into a new plan?  Let me know!  I love to hear how others were unable to handle toddlers around a tree covered in flammable needles with electricity running through it and water in the bottom.  Just makes my day!

I might be over it.  I am writing through a foggy haze of exhaustion as I try to figure out what to do about my dear, sweet baby Violet.   I need some advice.  I really need some sleep.

Just days after I got all mushy about our nightly cuddles Violet started waking up just 2 hours after she went to bed.  I thought she was just teething and I went with it.  I nursed her and cuddled her and put her back to sleep.  She would wake every few hours with a whimper and I would go to her, letting her know that Mommy loves her and that everything was okay.  At first she fell back asleep, leaving me with 3 hour sleep intervals.  That was enough…I thought it would pass.

That wimper turned into a wail in the past week and the baby who used to fall back asleep now wakes up at 10:30 p.m. and after nursing, she screams when she is put back in her crib.  And she won’t stop screaming if she is in that crib.  I got so tired that I began to fall asleep in a chair with her in my arms.  I would wake and find her in a dead sleep, but as soon as I placed her back in her crib the hysteria would begin again. 

I cannot bear to hear a baby cry like that.  Maybe it is a weakness but between my boobs leaking and my head pounding and my heart aching I must go to my crying baby.  We are so far from Ferberization it isn’t even funny.  Again, I thought it would pass.

I was wrong.  When we were at my in-laws house for Thanksgiving it just got worse, but because the crib is in the room where all the cousins sleep, I finally had to take her out and bring her into our bed.   She was waking everybody up and I felt terrible!

Guess who sleeps like a baby next to Mommy?  Yep.  Now guess which Mommy does not sleep at all while worried about crushing her child or having her husband’s pointy elbow knock her out or having her crawl right off the edge of the bed?  Right again.  It’s a no win here people.

And, it gets worse.  Violet started waking up – for good – at 5 a.m. this week.   Happy and bubbling with joy she sits up in bed and starts pulling my hair, crawling around and playing peek-a-boo like it is a decent hour in the morning.  To be clear, around here, it is not.

What are my options here?  I can’t co-sleep and I can’t no sleep and I can’t just let her cry.  What’s a girl to do?

Seriously, I know that I may have to either figure out how to co-sleep or I need to let her cry but if any of you lovely readers have any suggestions please share!  I can’t be alone in this, right?

These stairs…the ones I was so worried about last week when I called them my enemy.

13 stairs, and I heard her hit each one.   We don’t know how it happened that the gate was not closed.  We will never know if we just forgot or if one of us had to run downstairs for something or if one of our other two children opened it.  It does not matter at this point.

We were picking up our rooms and the play area and were alternating playing with Violet.  At some point Ross went into our bedroom and I was picking up play food with Sophia when I heard Violet fall.  I heard a few thumps before she cried out and I realized what was happening.  I screamed and launched myself at the stairs.  I saw her go down the last 4.  She was rolling. 

I can only thank God that she is only 10 months old and was too scared or confused to reach out, to extend her arms, to change her fall.   Her simply rolling down probably saved her from major injury.  Her little body uncurled at the bottom of the stairs as I was halfway down.  I saw her start to kick her legs and wave her arms and burst out into a full blown scream and I was there a second later, so thankful that she was moving.  That she was awake and wailing. The alternative is almost incomprehensible.

I scooped her up and cradled her as my body began to shake and tears rolled down my cheeks.  What-if’s ran through my head.  I waited for her to calm down as I realized that she was grabbing me, holding my neck and face and kicking.  I ran my hands over her head and felt no bumps. None whatsoever. She was okay. I replaced the what-ifs with a litany of thank yous to God and to the universe in general.  I know things could have turned out differently. 

We are so lucky.

Our baby girl is okay.

I am a complete and total mess but I am not the important one here.

Violet stopped crying and stuck her head into my shirt.  She’s not subtle about the boob.  I sat down with her (I was still crying) and she looked up at me and smiled. I did not want to let her go, but like I said, she is okay.  When she was full, she squirmed out of my arms and crawled directly towards the now closed gate and pulled herself up, gurgling and smiling at my foe.

My heart skipped a beat.  The stairs remain my enemy and my daughter’s great delight. 

Let’s just say I may have issues ever letting her out of my sight again. Stairs, cars…boys…I never want her hurt. And we came way too close.

Miles thought he was at the home of Peter Pan and The Lost Boys.  He was stoked.

Sophia is pretty convinced she is a fairy so it was no problem getting her to pose for the camera.  It was hard to get her to look forward because she swore she saw fairies.

I am determined to get our holiday picture on this tree but it turns out baby Violet is only 10 months old and has no idea what the hell a fairy is so this impressive fact did not sway her opinion of the tree.  Being only a baby, she could not get past the rough bark under her tush. 

Miles tried to be a gentleman and hold her, but it looks like she is quite a handful. I have no idea what Sophia is doing here.  She did not volunteer to help.

So, we will go back to the tree next weekend and try again for a holiday picture that includes all 3 of our children smiling.  I will bring a little blanket for Violet’s sensitive behind.  And maybe a little bit of luck and pixie dust I can get the picture I want…3 happy kids…and not overexposed.

That’s probably asking too much, right?

They called to her with their evil voice covered in candy sweetness and she crawled to them.  She looked to me for approval and I said NO.  Sweetie, those stairs could kill you.

Yes, every mother knows when this day comes it is the end of peace.  I am at war with my stairs.  Each day they pretend to be doing nothing when really I know they are plotting my daughter’s demise.

She did not listen to me.  Like I said, she is in love. Like each of my children, and probably yours, danger must be exciting.

Looks fun doesn’t it?  She has such pride in those sparkling eyes, like because she has reached the first step she can conquer them all.  I know the truth.  I tell her.  Violet honey, the stairs are evil.  They are dangerous.  Mommy knows.  It is not hard to fall down them.

For the first time in her little life – she completely ignores me.  Then again, this is one of the first direct orders I have had to give to my 9 month old.  Those fancy stairs are so enticing she moves ahead.

I have to pull the plug at this point because at stair two my little mommy brain freaked out.  I am not such a crazy blogger that I let her continue her attempted climb up into the arms of extreme danger.  Whoa there little baby.  Slow down.  The first floor works just fine for hanging out.

It is the first of many times she will ignore me and plunge into waters for her uncharted, but for me a known threat.

I won’t always be there to stop her.  I won’t always be there to catch her.

The stairs are just the first thing.  So simple.  So carpeted (after a near death fall with Miles).  So evil.

From this, my dear girl, I will protect you.  Because I can.  For so many other things I will only be able to give you my advice and send you out to learn on your own.

But I will vanquish those stairs.  For you, baby girl.

Even though you love them.

p.s. They really are my enemy.  They are very steep as they are original to my very old house and used to lead to the old attic.  They are not to fire code at the bottom and are “grandfathered in”.  I am assuming this means I am getting grey hairs just having them in my home.

p.p.s. I have fallen down them.  I am a little clumsy.  I am often in a hurry. 

p.p.p.s If I wasn’t so afraid of sleeping downstairs I would own a ranch house.

p.p.p.p.s. Doesn’t she look cute on the stairs.  Like, the candy coated voice is calling to me to let her climb them just to see that smile.  She can’t clap and end up with her arms in front of her face on the stairs.

p.p.p.p.p.s.  I know the stairs are nothing compared to high school.

These days, it might just be hormones, but why wouldn’t I want more of this? 

Me and Sophia in the Hospital

And this…

Mommy and Miles

And of course this…

Brand New Baby Violet

I adore babies and despite some awful pregnancies my heart and soul and body are calling out baby.  Baby four will probably never happen but I can’t help how I feel.

They are so precious and gorgeous and fantastically kissable and cuddleable.

Who wouldn’t want another?  And yes, I know they poop…a lot.  And also yes, I currently have a 9 month old who nurses throughout the night…still.

Do you and your partner agree on babies?  Or does your body cry out to you like mine does?

p.s.  No,  do not want to on a duggar-esque baby frenzy.  I just want one more.  I pinky swear.