I am not one to curse on my blog or out loud much really.  In my head it is a whole different story, but that is beside the point.

There is no other word but shit for our weekend.  It was everywhere.  Literally.

Violet is all good with pee pee in the potty and she just LOVES wearing undies.  She even potty trained her doll.  How sweet is she?

What she doesn’t relish is putting her nasty poop in that potty and it is driving us crazy.  It doesn’t matter if she has undies or a pull up on, she goes right in it and then takes it off with shit going everywhere and then sits on the potty, spreading the nasty all over everything.  Of course, I thought, the solution is simple.  She can be as naked as the day she is born and I will follow her around like a hawk.  When she makes that very obvious shit face, I will place her on the potty and she will learn.  It is not rocket science, right?

It could have worked, but Miles got sick this weekend. He came into my room late Friday night saying his body hurt and I heard the sound of his stomach turning.  In order to save my bed I sacrificed the carpet.  I spun him around (that’s the gentle way of putting it.  We have a brand new bed.) and he threw up all the way from my bed to the bathroom and to the potty.  He had nothing left.  It was all on the carpet.  We cuddled him and cleaned him and changed him and then I spent an hour cleaning our carpet, but I knew that this stain, like the ones in the other bedrooms, would be nearly impossible to get out.

On Saturday morning I was performing my hawk like observation of Violet when I head Miles cry out, “Mom, my toots are exploding!”.  I glanced at Violet and ran to see Miles trying to run down the hall with diarrhea running down his pant legs.  He started bawling and Ross and I were at a loss for a moment.  Don’t be shocked, we love him but that was just a lot to take in and we had to figure out a plan for getting him out of his clothes.  It turns out there is no good way and we all ended up covered in shit.  Thank God I rolled up my sleeves.  Miles’ clothes were not salvageable.  In fact, we have sacrificed 3 pairs of pants completely this week.  They were not worth saving, I promise.

This whole horror story lasted only a few minutes when we remembered Violet.  We looked in and she looked fine and happy.  Then we saw the floor.  Littered amongst the logos and the figures was a bunch of scattered turds.  One she had stepped in.  As gross as this was, it was better than the previous accident.  She looked at the poop and started to pick it up to put it in the potty.  At that moment I almost threw up too.

Needless to say, I cleaned a lot of floors Saturday morning.  I cleaned a lot of body parts.  I cleaned a lot of toys.

Let’s just say Miles got antibiotics and they have made him feel better but his toots keep exploding.  And he keeps yelling “exploding toots mom!”.

It’s been a long few days.

You might be wondering about the sunshine?  Well, first, we are getting there on the potty training.  That will be a big amen moment! Even better though, after 6 years in this house with carpets that have always needed replacing, we are getting new carpet!  My big wish got moved to the top of the list when we surveyed the damage of the past few days coupled with all the stuff that came on the carpet from the previous owners with 5 dogs.  It’s hard to move “not needed” things up the list with my husband, but this few days of shit totally did it!

I will totally be posting the whole before and after on Tip Top Nest, so I hope you can check it out!  It is my brand new home blog.  So there’s some sunshine too.  I love it!

I am off to continue moving all of the furniture out of the bedrooms.  I hope you are having a much less shitty time than I am!

Image Credit: Safe Network

Perhaps we think our children are simply fighting back, or learning to stick up for themselves.

Perhaps we think kids will be kids and shrug off something that may seem like no big deal.

Perhaps we can’t imagine our child being the one who hurts someone else, and may or may not do it deliberately.

There may be many reasons we ignore early signs of bullying, but none of them are acceptable.  Without addressing mean behavior early, children learn that bullying is in some way normal and those that are bullied learn fear and loneliness and even at some point, self loathing.

Remembering

I remember being in 5th and 6th grade and being the girl “out” for a day or a week.  There were a few leaders of the pack and I suppose they chose whose turn it would be and for the one chosen to be out, life was miserable.  It was as if you had no friends.  The girls talked about you, made things up, said things to boys….and I, we, said nothing.  In fact, I am ashamed to say that when I was not out, I was confused and scared and did not stick up for other girls when it was their turn to be excluded.  I didn’t know what to do, and at that time a lot of adults said girls will be girls.  Soon this shall pass.

For some girls, it did not pass.  I remember girls transferring out of school for being mocked.  I know girls who tried to take their lives.  Bullying was the cause.

I remember the boys who got pushed around too.  For them, in my school, it was less an in or out thing.   Those who couldn’t cut it physically just seemed out.  For good.  There were some physical fights, but more, it was just a general lack of acceptance that I am sure broke their hearts.

Reflecting

Looking back on the childhood bullying I saw or experienced, I am thankful that for me, it went away.  I also look back further in my mind and know it started far before I felt it.  While we cannot always nip things in the bud, with bullying of any kind we must be vigilant.  Ignoring warning signs of your child being a bully or being bullied is simply not okay.

Yesterday I became one of the millions of people (5.7 million now) who watched 8th grader Jonah Mawry’s Video on YouTube.  This young man shared with the world the pain he experienced since his youth and the physical hard he caused himself as he contemplated suicide at a young age because he was mocked and hated at school and felt like he hated himself.  Then he shared that his life would not end and showed his last index cards reading “I am not going anywhere.  I have a million reasons to be here”.

Those million reasons and the bullying that almost moved him to take his life moved me to write about my own children.  We all have a million reasons to be here and should never be made to feel like we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not straight enough or not anything enough to live.

Reacting

I wrote a post in March of 2010 titles That Mean Girl is Mine in which I shared my then 3 year old was being very mean and excluding one specific girl at school.  It broke my heart to hear about it and to write about it, but I felt it was important.  Sophia has a strong personality and one that leans towards being a leader.  Leadership brings power over other people and in that nugget lies my fear.  Any power should be used for good, but we all know how easily cliques are formed and how very nasty they can be.  I simply will not allow actions of exclusivity to pass as anything other than unacceptable in my home.

Last week I overheard Sophia telling her brother about a club at school when he asked her why some people were mean to him on the playground.  Miles is 3.  Sophia said she could help him with whoever was being mean to him because she was in the “Bad Girl’s Club”.  He asked her why a certain girl was always nice to him and she told him that if they told her to mean, she would, because she always listened to them.  She proceeded to reveal who was in the club and that they planned things to do to people.  I was in shock.

I called her in and asked her to explain the club to me.  She blushed a deep and revealing red. I asked her how she would feel if someone was mean to her and she started to cry.  Thank God, she started to cry.  She said the club was new and that they didn’t actually do anything.  She said she did not make up the name.  She said it was not her idea.  It was no joke, I said, to make other people feel unloved.  Still red, she admitted she knew that, and said she was very sorry.

I asked her to tell me everything and I told her we needed to talk to the other parents and to her teacher.  She asked me not to tell Daddy.  I told her that we could both talk to Daddy and to her teacher.  I called the other mother that I knew and talked to her teacher the next morning.  Sophia’s teacher talked to the girl’s that day.  We talked with my husband later in the evening.

After speaking with her teacher, it became clear that this was not Sophia’s idea and that she did not plan the one attack the girls executed.  They chose people and attacked them with leaves.  You may giggle, but it all starts somewhere.  These girls are 4 and 5.  It doesn’t matter to me whether or not she did that one thing.  The fact that she would be in such a club warranted a serious response.

Now, there is no club.  All clubs in the 4′s class must include all kids or there will be no more clubs.  I guess they have a thing with clubs right now.

I thought for the moment, this was behind us.  The bullying stuff.

Then Miles became upset.  I picked him up from school and he said that he was sad on the playground.  He said there was a boy, the same boy who tried to pull his clothes off him on Halloween, who still tried to pull his pants down and also pushed him and his 2 best friends.  He said he got pushed down a lot.  Most revealing, I asked him if he was friends with this boy, as that can sometimes tell me if this is a playground thing.  Miles likes everyone.  He said they are not friends, that this boy is mean to him.  I did not leave carpool until I had spoken with a teacher.  I will talk to Miles’ teacher tomorrow.  You see, Miles could easily be bullied.  He is open-hearted and kind and not aggressive at all.  He does not thrive on competition and gets upset easily.  He could easily be picked on.  I will not let my son think I don’t care.  I will not assume this is a little kid thing and ignore it.  I have to address it.

I have to not only teach my children but protect them when I can.

Resolution

Whatever age your children are, please consider this an area of immense importance.  Bullying can go unnoticed by adults because it becomes so hidden in schools.  Listen to your kids if they still talk to you.  Let them know how much they are loved.  Speak to your kids about bullying from a young age.  Share the real value of kindness and inclusive behavior and model it at all times.

We need to do all we can to love our kids and show love to others.

Then, we need to work on preventing childhood bullying by teaching our children it is absolutely not okay to be mean physically or emotionally to others.  We need to teach our kids that people are different and that is good.  We need to prevent bullying when we can by being pro-active and responding to situations as soon as they develop.  Talk to your kids in words they understand.  Everyone knows what hurt feelings feel like.  These conversations aren’t always easy, but they need to be had.

Please intervene.  Whether it is my child or your child or a stranger, please get involved when you see or hear of bullying.  It is never okay.  Please understand that in bullying, kids often cannot work it out by themselves because there is an imbalance of power.  A dominant adult must step in – or guess who wins?

Be vigilant – follow up.  Like a hawk, I will keep my eye on this.  We will talk to our kids about their days, we will ask questions, we will care about their friendships and relationships.  I will talk to my kids and I will talk to their teachers.  When I hear something, even if it does not involve my kids, I will mention it to a teacher if it involves bullying.  This is not prying or tattling.  It is protecting.

It may not be a resolution but I resolved to fight childhood bullying with everything I have.  As my kids get older, it will only get harder.  As much as possible, I want them so see those million reasons to be here all the time and have the strength to see them even when things are hard.  I want them to see that others have a million reasons too.

Parenting is not easy and bullying may be one of the hardest issues we face.  I resolve to be on a campaign for nice with my family.  To show it, to talk about it, to reward it.

As I said before, make room at the the table.  Include others.  Be a friend.  This never goes out of style.

Here’s to acceptance, kindness and friendship.

Please share your own thoughts on raising kind children and dealing with the issue of childhood bullying.  It is real and terrifying what happens as our kids get older.  I would welcome any advice or comments.

Also, I do not ever ask, but please share this post.  Put it on Facebook, Stumble It, Tweet it….anything.  There are just too many parents who let this go too long.  It is critical that we help our children grow into respectful, kind, open-hearted people of the world.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Sophia is intensely interested in my doodles and has started doodling herself.  She is self-conscious about her shapes and her color choice.  She worries that her drawings do not look like mine.  I tell her I have been practicing my doodles since I was a little girl, and I still have room to grow.  I also reveal to hear that doodles are perfect because they are from you.  They are your feelings laid on paper.  They are colors and shapes and emotions.  In short, they are what they are and they are a part of you.  It is personal art and there is no right or wrong.

Today I was doodling as the kids and I practiced drawing the famous Mo Willem’s pigeon.  I am simply faster at drawing the pigeon and my nature makes me immediately start to color while I wait.  We try to draw or color every day.  Usually we have some time where the coloring books are out and some time where we practice drawing something.  This is not forced by me, they want to learn to draw.  I am no great drawing master, but my prowess with basic shapes is advanced to them, so I will do as a teacher for the time being.

I doodled my usual mix of colors and shapes with Sophia’s new glitter gel pens.  I loved the smooth ink and the sparkling result and continued to doodle after the kids had finished, wanting to complete my tiny picture thought.

When I looked up, Sophia had a new piece of paper and was beginning her own tiny doodle.  My heart swelled as I realized she was imitating me.  There will only be so many years she will do this, I know.  Soon she will embrace her independence in every way and have her own inspiration for drawing and everything else.  But today, she wanted to draw like her Mommy.  She was disappointed, but I was so proud. A doodle is never a disappointment.

These shapes are tiny and something about my crazy type A personality loves fitting the colorful puzzle together.  These entire drawings are about 3 inches wide.  It is hard for Sophia.  She has never made a puzzle of shapes before.  She has never worked in such a tiny area of a blank page.  She is fast becoming an expert at basic shapes, but this is something different.  I think she rocked it.  It may not look like much, but for a 5 year old with a tiny area and ultra fine point pens, this was no easy beginning.

After a few minutes, she asked me if we could trade pictures.  She said my doodle made her happy.  I told her I usually tape my doodles into my journal.  She has recently started her own journal and said she thought my drawing would be beautiful in it.  I asked her if I could per her drawing, her first real doodle, in mine.

A doodle for a doodle and we both have what we wanted, a beautiful piece of each others hearts.

We love keeping a journal and for kids a doodle journal can be a great thing!  We write the date at the top of each page and then the kids are free to draw or write words or feelings throughout the day.  There are pages that Sophia says are private and there are many she shares with me.  I feel honored.

What do your children want to imitate?  Are they nervous about their art or excited to try new things?  Do you journal or doodle still?  I can’t be the only one!

I must confess we thought Sophia was totally ready to ditch her training wheels this past spring, but we held off. She wanted to focus on getting her swim band and all the kids on our block were obsessed with scooters.  Her bike was really abandoned for a few months.

We knew she had the balance, strength and coordination to do it.  Her training wheels were way off the ground (this helps them learn to balance the bike) and she could ride like the wind.  Training wheels are not fun.  The are awkward on turns and honestly, she could not go as fast as her friends without training wheels.  Still, she wasn’t focused on riding a bike at all.

Then one afternoon we saw a Sesame Street clip on the computer of a little boy learning to ride a bike and the same day saw a Max and Ruby where Ruby does the same.  While I have no powers of persuasion, Ruby is a real leader.

Sophia begged to take those wheels off right after dinner and we obliged.  I hate those training wheels.  The first time I thought she did great, but we were all afraid of our street and her falling.  Also, dude, it totally sucks to run behind a child on a bike as they almost kill you with swerving.  It is back breaking.  The next night was easier.  We sort of just helped balance her as we jogged along side her.  Still, she had not fallen and we knew that to really learn full balance, we had to let go.

We went to a big museum parking lot with a big field next to it.  Ross gave her a push on the grass and she pedaled.  Finally, she fell.  But she got it.  They say three times a charm, right?  In that empty parking lot she totally ditched the training wheels.

Last weekend she went on a bike outing with her 7 year old friend Sean.  They were gone for almost two hours!  We were worried.  She was fine.  She can totally ride a bike!  She is working on some mean turns now.

I am proud and I am scared.  She can now crawl, walk, run, scooter, swim or ride away.  I am not going to think about driving.  It is just too much.

* I am linking up to the awesome Liz and Kristin for iPhone Photo Phun.  The pics were taken with my neighbor’s blackberry.  Yeah, blackberry people, your cameras are like doo doo.  I know, I had one.

Well, we use a lot paint, collect a lot of dirt, dump a lot of toys and miss a lot of toilet bowls but hey – I am teaching these kids to clean.  Sophia is 5.  Miles is 3.  Violet is 21 months.

How are we teaching them to do these dreaded tasks?  I have a couple of tips and I would love to hear yours!

First – taking responsibility for themselves and their things.

Have you ever said “I am not your slave?”  I have.  My mother did.  And guess what, sometimes I feel like it.  I get dragged around picking up after messes I did not make and it can make me mad.  Well, I told my two older kids to take care of their stuff including their beds, their clothing, their art boxes, their backpacks and their messes.  I was very clear and kept instructions simple.  I am not a total witch about it, especially since they are young, but we will delay play time until they have put their items in the laundry and yanked their sheets up.  I will always help as long as they are working.  You know what, this works.  They can do these things and it takes a little pressure off me.  These are not like allowance chores – these are just the basic things a person does to keep from living in filth.

Second – actually teach your kids to clean.

If you need to, teach your husband at the same time.  Today I gave him a toilet bowl lesson.  Kids cannot get excited about doing something well if they do not know how to do it.  I find that most little kids ask to help with what they consider “grown-up” tasks.  So, if you can pick out a few small things and show them the right way, you could end up with one less thing to worry about.  For example, my kids LOVE to dust.   I showed them everything that needs dusting and does not require them to climb on anything and they go at it.  I am impressed.  We gave them those swifffer wands and they are in heaven.  Some possible tasks for little kids include dusting, wiping off the kitchen table, sweeping with a small broom and anything else that is non-toxic and easy.  Oh – also – little kids can wipe pee off the toilet seat and / or the floor before they wash their hands.  It is just the right thing to do, you know?  Just teach them how and watch them do it and in time they will learn and be confident that they can help out.

Third – give them some cleaning goodies!

I already said how much the kids like dusting.  A big part of that is the dusting wand they use to do it.  It is not expensive and means they don’t need to spray anything to get the job done.  They each also have their own spray bottle that we usually fill with just water.   I am happy to go back over a wiped down surface with cleaning fluid.  They are over the moon when they are spraying down a table and then wiping it off.   Everyone is a fan of the little broom we have and they have tiny dustpans with brooms at Ikea for a couple of bucks.  So. Worth. It.  Sophia is 5 so she is allowed to help with the floors and the spray mop if I am there.  She also has an actual job.

Fourth – give them a job and hold them responsible.

Depending on their ages, kids can have a job or  number of jobs that are totally doable.  Sophia, at 5, is officially our Bathroom Counters Girl.  She also does toilet seats.  What a dear.  Basically, after teeth brushing is done Sophia takes a wipe and cleans the bathroom counters, sinks and faucets in the kids’ bathroom.  Miles can help at 3, but this is her job.  This way you never have any toothpaste buildup and believe me, small kids like to wipe things.  You could use a bath wipe or a baby wipe or the trusty water spray bottle with a sponge.  Your counters will be clean.  The key to this is its simplicity.  It is short, we need it done and she can do it herself with no frustration and no distraction.  We do it before bed so that there is no play time looming over her head.  You could have your own countertop kid or laundry sorter or baseboard duster extraordinaire in no time!

Fifth – make it fun!

When we are actually picking up a whole room mess (which happens all the time) or cleaning the whole house (this rarely happens) we like to shake it to some music on the old ipod.  My kids like to dance and sing as much as I do and it helps the time pass.  We also like to tell them how awesome they are when they do clean.  You know, brag on them a little.  They beam and we have made them happy to help again.   We do have rewards and are starting to offer Sophia some moolah for extra jobs.  The chore charts we have are not the most helpful for us, but simple rewards for a job well done are much appreciated and easier for us to manage than a big chart.  They know what jobs they are responsible for and they do put their little magnets on the chore chart, but we dole out rewards in more of a potty training type way.  Treats or stickers for a great job or extra playtime or an extra book for being extra helpful.  Incentive, however you choose to implement it, will help.  I have head with teenagers it is basically mandatory, so I am starting early.

Finally – manage your expectations.

Kids are kids – not professionals.  Small children can’t make a bed with nurse’s corners.  I am okay with them putting any blankets and pillows back on the bed and pulling the sheets and blankets up.  If I want a perfect bed, I will make it.  When my kids make the ugliest bed I have ever seen, I will gush and hug about how awesome they are.  In fact, Sophia has asked me about my special corners and baby, I cannot wait to show her how!  Small children may not put everything away in the perfect place, but if they are working at it who cares if some of the legos are in the dinosaur bin or a few pairs of socks are in the underwear drawer.  Set yourself up for small victories and rejoice in them.  You are teaching them to respect their home and their possessions and take care of things.  You are not trying to teach them to be perfect, because no one is, and then they are set up to fail.  If your small children are helping at all – consider this a big win!

Hopefully these tips will help you teach your little ones about keeping a picked up and clean house.  Now, just in case you have ever wanted a real professional to clean your house (angels are singing, right?), you have that chance right now!  Maybe you could have your kids watch them and learn a few tips!

Share your tips on teaching and encouraging kids to clean and win!

Want to hand over cleaning to the experts? Of course you do! Tell us how you have taught and encouraged your kids to clean and be entered to win one of two prizes!

• First Prize: House Cleaner for a day plus $100 in product from GreatCleaners.com.
• Second Prize: A Copy of the Book Over 100 Helpful Household Hints

With GreatCleaners.com Clean Club, you’ll never have to shop for cleaning products again. With the simplicity of automatic shipments that fit your schedule and free shipping on every order, plus 25% off your first order, you’ll never have to be without your favorite, essential cleaning products. Click here to join the Clean Club today!

You need to respond in the Blog Frog Community box below and you will be entered to win!

Sophia’s birthday happens to be just 20 days after the kindergarten cutoff here in Charlotte.  We have been thinking about this since she was moved from the 2′s to the 3′s in pre-school a few years ago.  We knew she would finish the 4 year old class and then watch her friends go to kindergarten.  We worried about it.  We watched her befriend kids a year or more older than her with ease.

So we called the elementary school.  We asked about early admission to Charlotte-Mecklenburg schools.  It is possible.  With a birthday so close to the cutoff we would have to get her tested in IQ, reading and math and then have her evaluated by the school.  She would not have to be a raging genius, she would have to score in the 98th percentile for kids her age in IQ and then in either reading or math skills and have the recommendation of the counselor who administers the tests.

We watched Sophia and asked her 4′s teacher about her “place” amongst her peers who would be attending kindergarten.  With no red flags and a little girl was begging to go to kindergarten, we decided to have her tested.

She was actually excited when we walked into the office for 2 hours of testing.  I was nervous.  Almost nauseous. As a parent, you know your kid has got something, but you never know what.  It’s just crazy to send a 4 year old for IQ testing.   We prepared ourselves for everything from major learning issue to genius to crazy unexplainable to average awesome 4 year old girl.  If I am being totally honest, after years of thinking she was just a little ahead, we actually did remind ourselves that having any expectations was unfair to her and not right as a parent.  Still, you always want the best news. She came out happy and chatty but we did not know anything for a few weeks.

When we met with the counselor we left with the knowledge that Sophia was in fact intellectually and socially ready for kindergarten.  She was fine in IQ and far above her peer level in math (we had no idea) and above average in reading skills.  However, there was a big but.  In Charlotte a good number of parents specifically hold their children, usually boys, back a year.  I don’t know why other than worrying they are not ready or wanting them to be bigger, but it raised concern for our Sophia going to Kindergarten.  You see, with all the kids being held back there would be an almost 2 year age difference between the youngest and oldest kindergarteners and the counselor wanted us to think about this not just in terms of elementary school but as she aged.  Would we want our 13 year old in class with 15 year old boys?  What about having a 19 year old pick our 16 year old up for a date?  You know I am all kinds of afraid of sex so this really got me thinking.  I should have thought more about Sophia and less about the other “stuff”.

At the end of the day, we decided to find her a transitional kindergarten and told her it was because her birthday was extra special and that she would be super ready for kindergarten when she went.

We have had a month of school and we regret our decision.  Not only is Sophia unhappy that she is not in kindergarten, she says she is bored all the time both at school and at home.  Her TK has not even started the workbooks she was so exited about.  At home, you know we always have a million art projects and fun things around here.  She wants to be in school with friends for a full day.  Those were her exact words.  At first, my feelings were hurt.  I wondered why she did not want to spend more time with me.  She said she loved me very much, but that she was just as grown up as her friends and she wanted to be with them.  I get it.  Sophia has been a social uber extrovert since she was a baby.  She thrives in large groups and likes a challenge.  She is friends with 7 year olds already.  She can hold her own.

I don’t know why we underestimated her.

Now, it seems that our school district has added a K1 class to help deal with the age issue.  The older and more advanced kids have been placed in a kindergarten / 1st Grade class and the younger normal kindergarteners are in regular old kindergarten.  Had we known this, our decision would have been different.  We would have met with the school to send her this year.

We are now faced with a decision.  Do we leave her in her TK class and try to find extra activities in the afternoon?  Do we proceed with trying to start her now, since it has only been a month since school started?  Do we find and pay for one year of private kindergarten and then send her next year with the possibility she will then be in the K1 class?  We honestly feel like she should be in “real” school now, but is it too late?

Right now I am exploring all of our options while the thought that I failed my daughter tickles my brain.  These cutoffs are meant to send the kids to kindergarden who are supposed to be there, and we knew that is where she belonged.  We knew she would love it.  We knew our own daughter.  At the end of the day, as parents, we know our small children better than the counselors or the schools.  I need to remember that as we enter into the days when our kids are gone as much as they are here.  It is my job to pay attention and be an advocate for my child.  As a parent who plans on sending my children to public school, it is my job to be as active as possible and make sure that she and her classmates are getting what they need.  It is my job to fight for my kids when 20 days on a calendar keep them from what is right for them.   I want to listen to my kids and take them seriously when the matter is serious.  She told us what she wanted, she tested appropriately to move ahead and still we doubted her.

It is a mistake I hope we will not make again.

Question:  When do your kids go to kindergarten?  Do you have similar issues with age gaps due to holding kids back?  I am curious as to how the world works for school aged kids outside of Charlotte.  Thanks!

As this new school year starts, I know many of you are nervous about sending your precious babies off to school.  I know that many kids are terrified at first.  I know that the drop off can be an emotional train wreck for mom and baby.  I also know that for almost all kids, it gets better.  Much better.  I say almost all because there are a very few children who, in my opinion, are ready later than others.  They just aren’t able to handle the stimulation of a classroom or the separation and the mornings do not improve. There are some tips to getting the most out of pre-school and helping your child to be ready and to be excited.  The first few days or weeks may still be tough, but in the end your child should have a wonderful time making new friends, learning to listen to teachers and taking their first jump into education.  You might just make a few new friends too!

I am not an expert with a degree, but I have sent three kids to pre-school in 4 years and I’ve got some of the basics down.  I would love to hear any other tips or suggestions too!

1.   Find a Pre-School:   To be more clear, find a pre-school you like and can afford.  These two things do not always come together, so be sure to talk about a budget and what you are looking for before you start looking.     There are a lot of checklists out there but for me, I want to like the location, the play areas, the director, the classrooms, the curriculum and the teachers!  Also, because we are interfaith and many of the pre-schools here are part of a church or synagogue, I need to make sure I am comfortable with any prayers or other religious lessons.

2.  Make a commitment:  Most schools will ask for a minimum of 2 days for 2 year olds, 3 days for 3 year olds and so on.  They are not doing this to take your money.  They learned the hard way that kids need to be at the school more than just once a week to feel like a part of the class and make the adjustment.   While some kids are fine with 1 day, they often don’t get the same interaction with the class or make the same friends.  They also take longer to adjust to some time away from home.  While it may seem like a lot, the hours go fast and the kids do make friends, learn colors, letters and numbers, work on communication skills and on being a part of a group.  It helps to make your kids a full part of the class.

3.  Get excited: Even if you are terrified and nervous, make school sound exciting.  Talk to your child about what they will be doing and ask them what sounds fun.  It is a great idea to prepare kids by getting part of the reading list and reading those books.  Kids love to see something familiar in a class.  The most exciting things for us have been the first backpack, picking out their water bottle every year and for Sophia (my 4 year old) choosing her outfit for the first day.  Whatever sounds up your alley, pitch it!  While you can and should acknowledge your child’s fears and agree that it is totally understandable to be nervous, focus on the cool parts and let your child see how excited you are.  It helps, I swear.

4.  Get ready and then stop: Get all your basics in gear but wait on stocking the entire list until the school year starts.  Everyone will bring wipes and sanitizer and Kleenex and crayons.  If you send in your change of clothes and a lunch and then ask the teacher what they need after a week or two, believe me, he or she will need something that was not on the list.  Also on getting ready, if you work full time and will not always be the one picking up or dropping off your child, I think it is a good idea to have your regular nanny or sitter meet the teacher (perhaps at the open house or with you one morning) so all of the primary caregivers for your child know each other and know the school’s routine.   Make sure that person’s name is on all the paperwork too.

5.  Get some sleep: School is new and exciting but it can also be tiring.  Your child may change his or her nap schedule and he may need a little more shut eye.  When fall comes we roll bedtimes from 8 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. and some nights even 7.  If your mornings are full of the crabbies and you are barely making out the door, getting a little more sleep in your little genius may help.  It helps to start a week or two before the end of summer, but this is tough.

6.  Go to school but…keep goodbyes loving and brief:  Goodbyes are never fun but for kids, the longer they are drawn out the worse they are.  Trust that you have chosen good teachers for your kids and when you read in the handout that they prefer for you to say goodbye, give hugs and leave, they mean it.  These people understand that kids get upset and they are ready to calm them down.  It is easier for them to do it if you are not there.  I know it can be scary and sad to leave them, but stay perky and tell them how much you love  them and that you will be back and go.  If there is ever a real problem, believe me, the teacher will call you.

7.  Keep up with your child and the teacher: Read the newsletters, talk to your kids about school, read the books they read if you can and most of all, be sure to keep up with your teacher.  Whether it is a quick update in carpool or a conference or an email, you can talk to your teacher about your child.  Believe me, you can learn a lot.  The teacher sees a whole new side of your child and as they prepare for going off to Kindergarten pre-school can be a great time to identify early strengths and weaknesses.  Besides the early learning benefits for my kids, this has been one of the best things about pre-school.

When you talk to your child, make sure to ask about activities and names and keep up with all the ups and downs.  Finally, if you have any concerns about bullying or aggressive teasing or rough behavior, talk to your teacher.  Kids will talk about these things and this is a time to stop this behavior before it takes hold and before your child either becomes afraid or becomes the mean one.

8.  Tape up that artwork and make some play dates: Your child is a pre-school rock star.  They are learning and growing and gaining just a little independence.   That’s okay.  That’s good.  They will always love you and you will get the best hugs when they come home!

I am sure there are a million suggestions and I’m curious to know: What advice do you have for moms prepping for preschool? Guess what?

Commenting here will give back to supporting literacy! 

KinderCare will choose one lucky participant and make donation in their name to the Reach Out And Read chapter of their choice!  How cool is that?  So hold back nothing moms and do what you do so well…tell us your advice!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of KinderCare. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Contest Rules.

Sophia my love,

5 years ago you were swimming in my body, just 20 days from being in my arms.

4 years ago you clung to our necks as we swirled you around in the pool and splashed in the ocean.

3 years ago you leapt off the side of the pool, your laugh filling the air, as you flew into our arms.

2 years ago you held on tight to our necks as we pulled you through the water.  We held you as you learned to kick and stroke.  You wanted to swim.

1 year ago you were proud of your skill with a floatie.  Without one, you began to swim.  From a short distance, you would swim into our arms, into safety.

We told you we would never let anything happen to you.  We told you that you could swim.  We made sure you knew you were strong enough.  Still, you wanted to swim to us and always back to where we were.  That was okay by us.

This summer you learned to swim away.  You cautiously let go of our necks, let go of the concrete walls, and embraced your new ability.  You worked hard, you had a goal.  If you could learn to swim across the pool without any help from anyone, you would earn your yellow band from the YMCA.  With that yellow band, you could go down the water slides.  By yourself.  Into water deeper than you are tall.

It took all summer, but you earned that band.  We are so proud of you.  It took strength and bravery and a new independence to finish that test.  And you did it.  You are amazing.

We just want you to know, as you swim away from us more and more each day, that we are  here for you.  No matter what, please know that we miss holding you tight and you are always welcome in our arms.  Even if you are getting all grown up…

We love you baby.

Mom and Dad

* I am linking up to the awesome Liz and Kristin for iPhone Photo Phun.  The first pic was taken with my husband’s blackberry and the second with some awesome camera app for my iPhone where pictures look almost as good as with my big girl camera.

Then, last week, I heard a bloodcurdling scream.

Sophia:  Mom!  Come here!  Help!

I ran to her room, afraid something terrible had happened.  I found her sitting on her bed, staring at a brush.

Me:  Sophia, is everything okay?

She looked up.  There were tears on her cheeks.

Sophia:  Mom, look at my brush.  It is taking my hair away.

I looked at the brush and observed the few shiny strands that so upset her.

Me:  Sophia, the hair that comes out when you brush is leaving the good hair to grow longer.  That hair in the brush will not grow anymore.   Don’t worry, it is normal.

Sophia:  Normal?  To lose hair?  Uh uh.  That is not okay.  I do not want to lose any hair.  That is ridiculous.  (Yes, she likes this word.)

Me:  Ridiculous is a bit dramatic sweetie.  What is your plan?  I don’t want you to cry over your beautiful hair.

Sophia.  It’s simple.  I am not brushing my hair anymore.  I am just going to let it grow.  That’s my plan okay?

Me:  I know you are upset babe, but your hair will grow.  It just might take longer than some of your friends.  Mommy’s hair took a long time to grow too.  It really would be better to keep brushing it to keep it healthy.

Sophia:  Uh uh.  I don’t want it coming out.

At this point I went the wrong direction.  I admit it.  Bad move mom.

Me:  Sophia, you have beautiful hair.  Some little girls are sick and have no hair.  They wear bandananas or wigs while they get better and they would be so happy to be healthy like you and have your hair.

Sophia:  What’s a wig?

Me:  It is hair that goes over your head to give you hair or make your hair look different.  A lot of healthy people grow their own hair as long as they can and then cut it all off to help people who don’t have hair.  Your cousin Claire did it.

Sophia:  No way.  I don’t want to cut my hair and I just want it long and it is my hair.

Me:  Okay Soph, it is your hair, and you don’t have to cut it. I was just telling you how lucky you are.   If it gets too snarly though, I am telling you even more will come out when we brush it.  And we will brush it.  At least one time each day.  I will be careful.

Sophia:  We’ll see.

We’ll see?  From a 4 year old?

Well, I choose my battles and I am not winning this one.  I thought it would blow over.  She looks like she has a bird’s nest on her head and she bawls when we brush her hair.  She insists on looking at the brush when we are done.  I have thus far refrained from telling her that she may draw bird poop, but I am close.  Even Ross is wondering what I am planning with this one.  Miles is 3 and thinks she looks funny.

Here’s the thing.  I have no plan.  I don’t want her to think I don’t listen and care and I don’t want a mama bird to lay an egg on her head either.  I also would just like her hair to look pretty.  Sue me.  I like that about having a girl.

Any ideas?  Can I keep the peace or must I attack her precious hair with a brush?  What  

Sophia:  Mommy, you just have to brush your hair gently every night to get hair like Rapunzel’s.  Healthy hair does not have tangles.  Also, you need to go to sleep every night, because sleep is healthy.  That is a fact.  I will do whatever I can for my hair, you know.

Me:  Yes sweetie, I know.  Your hair is beautiful as it is, but I know you want the longest hair in the world.  It will be a lot of work to have hair that long.

Sophia:  It will be beautiful though, don’t you think?

Me:  Of course babe.

Sophia:  Well, that is enough brushing.  (She carefully lays her princess brush on the table next to her bed)

The sun was setting over her bed and for a moment she was glowing in its last rays.  She looked up and closed her eyes.

Sophia:  Ah, the sun.  The sun makes me cry and the sun makes me die.  Crying and dying, that is the sun.

Me:  Sophia, the sun is beautiful.  What do you mean?

Sophia:  When the sun is bright and you look at it you might cry.  When the sun goes down, you might die.  Crying and dying. (She begins to sing this over and over…crying and dying, crying and dying.  I think this is totally strange.)

Me:  Sophia the sun is bright and we don’t look right at it but I have never seen you cry.  And honey,  we are all alive and we will not die when the sun goes down.  People can die when they are sick or when they are old and it is time.  It is not because the sun goes down.

Sophia:  Hmmm, I like how it sounds because it rhymes.  Crying and Dying in the sun!

Me:  That’s heavy Soph, I love rhymes too but what about bright and light is the sun? That rhymes too.

The light changed and she really seemed contemplative, as much so as a 4 year old could be.

Sophia:  Mom, do you know something?  When you get really old, like 100 years old, you start to shrink.  And when you are really really old, like 115, you shrink so much (she moves two fingers together) that you totally disappear and then you die when you are tiny.

Me:  I know that sometimes as people get older their bones and muscles change so they seem shorter, but they do not get so tiny they disappear sweetie.  When people die they are not tiny.

Sophia:  I really think they are, and I also know that it is dark.

Me:  (Speechless)

Sophia:  Mom, Violet is quiet.  I am not scared, so I am ready to go to sleep.

Me:  Oh – okay.  Well, I love you.  Kisses.  Best friends forever.

Sophia:  Best friends forever Mom.  I love you too.

A few thoughts on this, the strangest conversation I have had thus far with my firstborn child.

First, I may have over emphasized the evil aspects of the sun as I religiously apply and re-apply sunscreen.  Just maybe I should refrain from saying “I am saying in this heat” or “this sun is killing me”.

Second, I realize that I did not say much in this conversation.  I was basically dumbfounded as I listened to her.  I still don’t know what else I could have said, but maybe there was a better way to respond?

Third, I am going to gloss over this and pretend that it makes her some sort of tiny genius, who thinks about things far beyond her years and will someday be able to support me in her old age due to her brilliance.

Fourth, as I sit here, it sort of sounds nice to get tiny and then leave this world as tiny as we started in our mothers’ womb.  I imagine a little light that finally disappears into the heavens.  It sounds a lot nicer than the way most people actually go.  Also,  thinking these things makes me pretty certain that she she is my child.  Clearly she inherited my penchant for carrying odd thoughts to their conclusion.

Finally, I think this is just the beginning.  Hold me, this is going to be quite the ride.

Please tell me your children have said some crazy things too!  I would love to know I am not alone.