I originally posted on this topic last summer.  I feel it is a subject that warrants a second look.

So far this year, 24 children died after being left in a hot car.  In 2009, 33 children were lost forever after being forgotten. They died from hyperthermia. I am sure there are hundreds of little ones who did not die, but could have.  I am sure there are thousands who have been left in the car for a moment.  This is not okay.  It does not take a long time for a car to heat up above 107 degrees.  And that temperature is lethal for humans.  More than 70% of these deaths were kids under 2 – many of whom were asleep and facing backwards as the AAP recommends.     They did not make any noise when the car was parked.   See this fact sheet for more information on hyperthermia deaths.

First, Some Background and Sensitivity Training…

The Washington Post called it “Fatal Distraction” in March 2009, when staff writer Gene Weingarten wrote about the difficulty in assessing the criminal nature of a child’s death by hyperthermia (or heatstroke) when the parent made a fatal mistake – he or she forgot their child or children in the car.  (Please see also the transcript of Gene’s live discussion after the huge response his article received.)   These are parents who deeply love their children.  They will be haunted for the rest of their lives by their mistake.  I am in tears again and I have read the article and many others so many times.  Gene admits that he had a moment in his past where his daughter made a noise in a parking lot and he remembered she was there.  He had forgotten.  He was overcome with nausea.  Thank God he did not get out of the car.  Thank God she made a noise.  He felt like he had to write this piece.  Sometimes it just takes the smallest thing to bring us back from our modern day distracted reality.

I hear this a lot:  “what kind of parent could do that?” I have read a number of articles over the last few years that made me realize it could be any of us.  Seriously.  Our brains are not perfect.  And the part of our brain that deals with memory and complex routines – the pre-frontal cortex – helps us to multitask and make finely tuned decisions but is also sensitive to stress and changes in a NORMAL routine.  Read the article for a much better description.  Basically, under stress the boobie part of your brain, the basal ganglia, takes over and you go on autopilot.  Unless something jogs your good brain – you could forget anything – even your child. I will not spend a long time on specific stories of heartbroken parents but I will post the list of people Gene interviewed  – the list of what kind of parent could do that.   It is terrifying and very sobering.  The following is taken from Gene’s article.

What kind of person forgets a baby?

The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist….

The facts in each case differ a little, but always there is the terrible moment when the parent realizes what he or she has done, often through a phone call from a spouse or caregiver. This is followed by a frantic sprint to the car. What awaits there is the worst thing in the world.

See?  They are not all drunk or on drugs.  They are not “those” parents who you would never associate with.  They are people, just like you and me, who never thought they would do that.  Let’s keep any “better than you claws” in and focus on how to avoid this situation.  Please.

How Can We Prevent These Tragedies?  a.k.a. How to Jog Your Good Brain and Help Others

10 Ideas…not all mine but all good.  And there can be NO overkill here.  Overlap is great!

1.  Set an Alert on your computer, phone or Blackberry: From my own vault of experience while working with a baby in daycare – I set an alert on my computer to go off every 15 minutes from about 7 a.m. (I got to work around 7.15 to 7.30) to 9 a.m.  That way no matter when I got to work there was a message on my screen that said…

Did you drop Sophia off at daycare?  Are you sure she is not in the car?

I put mine in Microsoft outlook.  I am sure there are lots of online programs that can do it too.  This really helped me.  While I never really thought I had left her – I did call the daycare once or twice to make sure while running to my car.  This frantic run may happen with this method – the note sometimes makes you second guess yourself.  However, coupled with the other suggestions I think it is still a good idea.

2.  Place a sticker on your car: Your windshield, your dashboard, your driver side window – wherever you think – that asks the same question.  Where is your child?  Or says Kids Should not be Left In Cars.  Or maybe Don’t Forget Me! This is also a good reminder to count your kids before you leave.  WAY too many kids get run over every year because parents thought they were in the car or in the house.  You can get some stickers and magnets for your car from Forget Me Not.  Or you could make your own.  You scrapbookers could make some dynamite stickers I am sure.  Maybe they have your kids names on them.  Maybe a phrase you know you will notice.  Just something.  As long as you see it and remember.

3.  Place a sticker on the door/entrance of your workplace and your home. They have security stickers.  They have credit card stickers.   They have hours and rules posted.  Whatever – your workplace should be happy to oblige you!  This way if you miss it on your car you will be reminded again when you get to the door.   On your house – this is a simple one.  Parents leave kids in the car at home.   They also accidentally leave their kids at home when they leave in the car.  Since I assume you lock and unlock your doors or at least use the handle to open or close it – this should be a reminder either way to actually think about where your kids are.

4.  Place a large stuffed animal in the car seat when it is unoccupied. When you put your child in, put the animal in the front seat.  This is a visual reminder, says Jannette Fennell of Kids and Cars.  Then when you leave make it a habit to get your child out and replace the animal in the back.

5.  Put things you need for your activity in the back seat. Be it work, errands or other daily activities you have things you always take with you that you would usually have or need when you got to where you were going.   If you were supposed to drop your child off you would notice when you went to grab your purse in the back seat and saw your sleeping child.  And, unlike your child, who you would have thought you dropped off, you will miss your purse as soon as you go for your cup of coffee, to make a purchase, to put away your phone.  If you get in the habit you will always be checking your back seat for your valuables.

6.  Leave the Diaper Bag / Kid Supplies in the Front Seat.  This is similar to the above, but is another idea to really make sure everything is in the wrong place so that you WILL know if your child is in the car and you WILL NOT forget them if you go to pick up your purse and see a diaper bag and then reach in the back and see your child.

7.  Regularly Communicate with your Childcare Provider. This is a great idea anyway.  Keep your childcare provider, be it a nanny or a daycare or a home facility, aware of your plans.   Let them know what time you will be dropping off and ask them to contact you if they do not see your child at that time.  If you are good at communicating with them, they should do the same for you.  When you are looking for childcare, make sure this is something they will do.  I made sure that besides the sign in sheet at our daycare, they used an attendance chart in the classrooms and they did, in fact, ask when a child was not there.

8.  Get an alarm for your car seat. I have been thinking this for awhile but of course, like my other inventions, they already have one like it.  I will tell you about both.  What I actually think is that much like the seat belt beeper that goes off if someone is in a seat with no seat belt the auto manufacturers should put the same kind of device on each back seat station.  You should be able to “alarm” it when you install the car seat.  When you open your car door the car will say to you, “Don’t forget you have passengers in the back seat.”  I would be fine if it said, in a screaming voice – “Hey Lady – Baby on Board.  Get her out!”.  Just something to make sure I was with it.  Honda, Toyota, Dodge are you listening????  Volvo – come on you are all for safety!!!

Since this is not yet available on any cars that I know of you can use something like the Baby Alert Child Minder System. This retails for $69.95.  It is a pad that goes in the seat and an alarm that goes on your key chain.  If you walk more than 15 feet from the car while the child is in the seat.  The alarm will sound.  This will also make sure you do not run into gas stations or grocery stores, even in the winter, because whether it’s hot or not your child should not be alone in the car.  Many states have a ZERO seconds law that means no child may be left in car for any number of seconds.  Good stuff.   You could also use the Cars-N-Kids Car Seat Monitor.  This monitor also senses the weight of the child, but it plays a lullaby whenever the car stops, reminding you that you have a baby in the car.  This retails for $29.95.  Personally I like the alarm better but either tackle the main objective – remember your baby is in the car!

9.  Spread the Word.  The more people who know how this can happen and how fast it can happen and that it could, in reality, happen to them, the more people will take some of these simple steps to make sure it does not happen.  Maybe your local moms group could make stickers. Maybe you could hand some out at temple or church.  Maybe you could include them in the goodie bags for a party with a little note.  This is not rude.  This is not spoiling someone’s good time.  It is possibly saving a life – many lives in reality – from being destroyed.  Be open to talking about the hard times all parents have juggling their kids with their lives and their jobs, especially new parents who are adjusting to the changes and the lack of sleep and the car seats and the drop offs and all of the things that come at you the minute that baby comes out.   The more open we are, the more people will know, and the more they will think before they lock their car and walk away from their beautiful child.

10.  Look Around.  Peek in Parked Cars. You are not some Peeping Tom.  You are just casually walking by and glancing in back seats.  I have seen kids in cars outside a grocery store before.  Not a gas station (not that it matters) but a big grocery store.  It can take 20 minutes to “run in and out” of a huge store.  The mother walked out to her car as I was approaching a security guard to let him know.  It was near 90 degrees outside.  Had the doors not been locked I swear I would have opened them.  We have a zero second law here so I would have been fine doing that, or calling 911 or probably breaking a window.  People DO leave their kids.  They do not always remember, or they think they will be right back, or they don’t know how dangerous it really is.  If you notice a child and get that car open you may well save his or her life.  That is worth a few weird glances your way.  As a note, look in particular (or find a security guard to look) if you see or hear a car alarm going off but no one is around it.  Some cars have motion detectors that will go off when they sense movement within and were locked using the key fob.

Don’t they say it takes 28 days to form a habit?  Some things may seem silly or too simple but they are meant to insert a new basics routine in that dumb part of your brain that you will do even when you are the most tired the most stressed or the most out of your normal routine.  They are meant to train you to remember your child, and harsh as that sounds, it is a good reminder for all of us.

I hope that you find some of these suggestions useful for you or someone you know with small children.  Please remember to treat your vehicle as a dangerous object and not let children of any age near it to play or explore.  Older kids get locked in cars accidentally themselves.  Kids from toddlers on up can start cars and accidentally drive them.  And babies can be forgotten.

Please help SPREAD THE WORD on this topic.  You can use the share buttons below to send it by email or post it to your Facebook or other networking site.  You can Tweet it from the top of the post or from below.

If you have any other suggestions I will update this post with them and spread your words as well.

Thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, thank you for loving your children and for keeping them safe.

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This is third of five posts over ten days as part of Momalom’s Five for Ten.  We are all writing about the same topics in an honest effort to get to know one another better and make more connections.

Our first topic was Courage.   The second was Happiness.  Today’s is Memory.

If you are already a regular Mommy Words visitor, I hope you enjoy these posts.  If you are here as a part of the Five for Ten, welcome!  I can’t wait to get to know you.

Many people laugh when they hear all the places we take our very young kids.  Some say “Why go through the hassle?  They won’t remember”.  Some people’s mouths drop open.  There are even crazies who imply we “force” them to do things they aren’t old enough for.  I say…as my mom said before me…”PSHAW!”

My kids are 3, 2 and 15 weeks. I readily admit, I do not remember the days before about my 4th birthday, but I am sure glad my mom did not  think it was a waste to take me to the zoo or a museum for the first 4 years of my life just because my little brain might not forever remember blowing out my first birthday candles or petting my first goat or walking into my first day of pre-school.  Likewise, I’m sure glad she decided to have me at all, seeing as I don’t remember my birth and all.  I think I probably liked being born and all that birthday cake and goat petting and stuff.

We drag take our tots as many places as possible because I believe that even if they don’t remember, these experinces help their precious minds to grow.  Going lots of places also  aids in social development and has helped me to teach important lessons about acceptance, patience and even money!  As an extra benefit, the more active we are, the less bored I am and the more likely it is they will nap.  I am not the only one who thinks that really cool experiences plus a really great nap makes for great days. Right?

Yes, it is often tiring and takes a lot of planning.  Yes, sometimes we have massive meltdowns and contemplate never leaving the house again.  Yes, these trips are primarily for the kids and usually lack the sort of relaxation and fruity cocktails that are nice on a vacation day.  But I have no regrets.  I just have thousands of wonderful memories.

I capture all of our experiences with my camera or Flip Video and we spend lots of time picking out our favorites, making albums and sending them to family and friends.  We re-live all of our experiences by talking about each trip for days on end.  Many therapists think this kind of repetition, where children learn the words to associate with their experiences, will actually help them remember.

I have to honest here.  While they may not remember, I WILL.  If I am wrong and my kids do not get any social, intellectual or physical benefits from all of our activities over the past 3 years, I am creating memories that will last for my whole life.  These experiences with my kids are precious to me as I see them open their eyes and hearts to the world around them and watch the huge smiles spread across their little faces.

In the spirit of getting to know me, here are some of my favorite memories with my kids out and about the country.

We alwasys go to the zoo.  Actually, I think we go to every zoo and aquarium whenever we are within 90 minutes of one.  Asheboro, Columbia, Charleston,  Baltimore, New Orleans, San Antonio, Orlando…where there are animals you will find us!  We have done this since Sophia started pointing to animals.  The kids love animals and have a fabulous time.  I have a ball watching them have a ball.  It makes us all happy!   How could I miss this excitement on Sophia’s face at 1?

A 1 year old thinks it is pretty awesome and very silly when a gorilla picks his nose and eats it.  So do I.  You should never get so old that this does not make you giggle.  And your kids are almost never too young to find this funny.

At the Reston Zoo in Virginia, Miles got licked by this camel when he tried to kiss it.  Unforgettable and yes, he stil tries to kiss animals.  Sheep, cows, horses…he has smooched ‘em all.

We usually go to Charleston, S.C. for New Years and find so much to do with the family.  When Sophia was 2 and Miles was 8 months old we went to Patriots Point, home of the U.S.S. Yorktown aircraft carrier and TONS of airplanes.   We explored the ship and then ran around the flight deck on a cold winter morning.  It was wonderful!

I loved taking the kids to the Angel Oaktree believed to be more than 1500 years old.  It is enormous at 25 feet in circumference and providing 17,000 square feet of shade.  It is also breathtakingly beautiful.

We rocked Washington D.C. while visiting my mom last year and hit the best parts for little kids in most of the National museums.   The National Building Museum was the kids’ favorite.  Why?  You can actually build things and run around in this giant open hall!

The Smithsonian and the Natural History Museum were not far behind.  We all had a BLAST at the National Air and Space Museum.  Little kids are pretty impressed by big airplanes and oh yeah..space ships.  We learned how to dye wool at Mount Vernon and watched a sheep being shorn.  She may not really remember it, but I will remind her how cool she thought the Washington Monument is…even at 3…she could see that Obelisks pretty much rock.

Our best and most recent trip was to Disney World.  After4 days, 3 parks and thousands of pictures I would say we made memories that will last a lifetime.

So now you know.  My tagline really could be Have Kids…Will Travel. 

I think we can make wonderful memories with our kids in much simpler ways too.  We are blessed to have family in so many wonderful places and be able to travel with our kids to add these very special experiences to thir early years.

I would love to hear where you have made your favorite family memories and would LOVE to hear what your child’s earliest memory is.  I mean come on – is there any chance they will remember any of this?

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The Castle Before a Show

Many people looked at me like I was a looney bin when I told them we were taking our kids to Disney World for 4 days and 3 parks.  Sophia is 3.  Miles celebrated his 2nd birthday at Disney.  Violet was just 13 weeks old.  I am here to say that each and every day was magic.  I saw more smiles in that time than in the last year as my kids enjoyed rides, met characters, saw amazing shows and explored the different lands of the Magic Kingdom, Epcot and the Animal Kingdom.

There is a whole side of Disney that is made for little ones, perfect for encouraging imagination, getting their first thrill of a ride, learning about different places around our country and our world and yes, practicing patience.  Disney has a whole program called Magical Beginnings for their smallest friends and they treat every little girl and boy like the prince or princess we all know they are.  Disney made my kids feel like their dreams came true! 

There was a lot of planning that went into this trip to make sure we got the most out of every day.  I am going to write a series of posts on planning your trip with small children and I will give you my super successful itinerary for each of the parks we visited.  If you can, put Disney World on your list.   You will be tired at the end, but you will never forget the magic.

Why?  Because kids this young BELIEVE the magic.  The kids think that Mickey and his friends live in Toon Town.  They think Cinderella and her friends live in Cinderella’s Castle at the Magic Kingdom or Akershus at Epcot.  They believe that each and every day all of their favorite Disney friends have a huge dance party and that they were invited.  Sophia was astounded that Minnie invited her to the dance party by the castle and that Belle invited her to breakfast.  Miles gave priceless bear hugs to giant fuzzy characters that he knows are his friends.  He loves them.   

Sophia was a Princess and met Belle, Ariel, Snow White, Mulan, Cinderella, Pohahontas and Sleeping Beauty.  Hello?  Could anything be better for a 3 year old?

Sophia and Belle at Akershus Royal Banquet Hall

Miles finally rode Dumbo (which he has been watching of YouTube for months) and got to see Dumbo in front of the castle.   You cannot see Miles in the picture.  Kids must sit on the inside.  Still, Ross is having a blast!

Ross Enjoys Dumbo with Sophia and Miles

Miles is 2 – so even the little Iron Dumbo was awesome for him! 

Miles and Dumbo the Elephant

Lest you think we forgot our littlest princess Violet – nope!  She had a great time snuggling with Mommy, riding rides (yes, there are tons of family rides) and meeting the princesses and fairies like her.  Actually, Violet was a huge hit with all the characters.  Mommy LOVES the pictures!

Violet Meets Tinkerbell's Friend Fawn

We loved our Disney vacation and I am trying to plan another trip as soon as possible!  I will be posting all my juicy travel tidbits, reviews of rides and attractions, tutorials on making your own rockin’ character autograph book and of course, my itineraries so stay tuned!

Should you take pre-schoolers to Disney?  My answer is a resounding yes!

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I can’t wait to tell you all about Disney, but after 4 days spent with 3 little ones in 3 different parks, we are pooped. The kids were tired enough to sleep together every night – no wrestling.  This is unheard of.  We may actually have been able to pull off that whole Family Bed concept.  Also unheard of.   Here’s to a good night’s sleep!

Sleeping with Princesses and Cars

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Miles clearly wants to be that bad ass boy no girls are supposed to date.  It seems he is always trying to steal sips of beer when anyone leaves a can or bottle on a table and God help me he has tasted beer.  Some people did not believe me when I told them my toddler would take their bottle if they left it lying around.  Well, he took a big swig before they could get to him.  And he liked it.  He is like a little Homer Simpson now and actually says “mmm…beer”.  I kid you not.  He doesn’t have a million words or anything and that is in his small vocabulary.

We saw it coming though – I posted about it last summer…

Miles Wants Beer 2009

Lately he also looks like he is getting a little high in pictures and I can’t help but laugh.  He just thinks it is funny to put sticks and crayons and pens and anything like that in his mouth.  We grownups are the sickos that laugh because the way he holds these items reminds us of some things I am so not yet prepared to really talk to my kids about.  (If you don’t know my oldest is only 3 so no, we haven’t brought up the subject of marijuana or ciggies yet).   Yes, I am one of the sickos.  I think this is hilarious.

Reason to Worry?

Moms, guard your daughters.  It seems I am raising a very good looking bad influence.  Could it be he already suffers from the middle child syndrome and is rebelling ?

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Miles Lost His Naptime Battle

Without a normal bedtime, a meltdown will follow.  The parent who is with the children in the days following a bedtime fall out know what I am talking about.  Your kids might be cute at night telling you that they are not tired, but it will not be cute when they are actually full out exhausted in the days that follow.  Last week Miles decided he was not tired.  He figured out that Mommy and Daddy were still awake long after his 8 p.m. bedtime.  He, unlike Sophia, had the nerve to come downstairs. 

I know – totally uncool dude – this is the time I pretend I am childless and free.  You just totally killed my vibe.

So my thoughts:  Um…hello…toddler boy…mommy just spent the whole day entertaining you now it is my turn to relax so get your tush in bed.  I asked my husband to deal with Miles and get him back to bed.   Well excuse me – turns out it is March Madness and there is some daddy toddler bonding to be had a 9 pm on the couch watching basketball.  I tweeted my frustration.

I warned him this would cause problems.  I told him 23 month olds could not be expected to chill out on the couch until 10 o’clock and function the next day.  I knew this spelled trouble.  but I did peek in and Miles looked ecstatic.  My heart melted listening to him jabber on in unintelligible words about basketball.  Finally he fell asleep and Ross took him to bed.

The next few days Miles thought he never had to go to bed.  He even refused naps.  He just kept saying he was not tired.  He walked the hallways at night.  He thought he was all that.  But he became VERY crabby and mean.  And I was quickly becoming a very crabby and mean mommy as he became unable to handle his exhaustion.

Finally, on Saturday, Miles fell asleep.  On the kitchen table.  After screaming for apples. 

Toddlers Can Sleep Anywhere. I mean look at his ear!

I took a picture and glared at my husband for allowing this insanity.

He took a 3 hour nap in his bed and then went to bed at his normal bedtime.

When he came into our room Sunday morning he was all smiles.  Sunday afternoon he took a nap.  And went to bed with no fuss.

Thank God – Mommy needs Miles to nap as much as he does.  I need my little man to stay my little man as long as possible. 

Because you know – I already have a big man.  He’s called a husband and he watches March Madness – so named because it drives me totally flippin’ mad.  This same man thought a 2 year old could handle the madness.  I’m back to being the boss of bedtime.

*Sigh*  It’s a tough job but somebody has to do it!

My Little Man in his Big Bed

I finished building Miles his big boy bed the night before Violet was born, 8 weeks ago tonight.  He did not sleep in it right away.  We sang songs  in his bed.  We told stories.  We read books.  Sophia and Miles laid on the bed and talked.  They had picnics.  It was more like a fort than a bed.  Miles tried sleeping in his bed once after we came home from the hospital.  That night, he came into our room at 3 a.m. and asked for his crib.  With a days old Violet in my arms, we decided he could sleep in his pack ‘n’ play for awhile – just until he was ready – and we had a little more sleep!

Every day, we would talk about his bed and he would say he loved it.  Then he would put his puppy or his Dora in it to sleep and ask for his crib.  We spent more and more time playing in his bed and Sophia must have spent hours telling him cool big boy beds were.  I told him that I built the bed just for him.  He gave me a hug and said thank you, but he never slept in it.

Then, over the weekend, he laid down on his bed after reading books with his lovey and said goodnight.  I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his bed and he said yes.  And he meant it. 

Violet woke up 3 times that night.  Sophia woke up 2 times and ended up in my bed.  Miles did not wake up until breakfast.  He slept like a baby, my big boy, for the whole night.  I was so proud.  So was he.  He ran into our room in morning to tell us and we could see how happy he was.  It was a prefect family moment.  Sophia told him he was almost a man.  Ha!  Another milestone!

And now we return to our previously scheduled program – POTTY TRAINING!

If you are interested, here is a picture of  the very safe and easy to get into bed I built for Miles and here is the post on how you can build one too!  It’s cheap and easy and so chic!  And you can build it in any size!

Miles' Big Boy Bed

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Call me Miss Flibbertyjibbit but I am too pregnant to write anything really coherent despite the fact that I am completing another fabulous DIY Project.  Well, at least I think it is fabulous.  It will just be a couple of days late.  Who wants to bet I will have to re-post the tutorial after the baby?  Now to my point – see – I have lost it….

Ghost Bunny

The good news is that the new game Sophia and Miles play does not involve me at all so I am free to do whatever the hell I do not remember doing in the first place.  This game is called Ghost Bunny and I tried googling it but I have no idea where the rules came from.  I know it is some combination of a Max & Ruby episode entitled “Ghost Bunny”  dealing with camping out and flashlights and both of my kids’ obsession with jumping out of things.

In this game Sophia and Miles shut themselves in her closet with just a tiny flashlight that has barely any light and then they tell secrets or something – I can only hear whispers – until at some point Sophia gives a signal and they open the door and jump out running in circles and yelling “Boo!”  Then they both dissolve into hysterical laughter, immediately talk about how great the game is and go back into the closet.  They will stay in that closet for 5 minutes or more and they will play this game FOR AN HOUR.  I am not allowed to play.  Usually I am forced to play games but I am left miraculously on my own for Ghost Bunny Time.  All I have to do is look scared when they decide to “scare” me.  Usually they do this to me when I am in the shower in the morning.  All I have to say is that they are CRAZY – at 38 weeks pregnant and naked trying to wield a razor I am the really scary one. 

Note: Please – do not call social services – Sophia and Miles can both open the closet door by themselves and when I am in the shower I do put a little thing on the top so it will not close all the way and chop off their little bunny fingers.  They are relatively safe during Ghost Bunny compared to some of the gymnastics games they play.

I do not have any idea what they do in there but here is a quote from the Max & Ruby episode.  Valerie is telling a story and says

There’s no escaping Ghost Bunny. His ears are so big he can hear the tiniest sound across town.

Sophia always says no one will get away and she asks me if I can hear them because she says I am not supposed to.  And I have big ears.  I am VERY self conscious about them.  But I cannot hear them.  Usually they are screaming.  In this they whisper.

Is this not the best game ever?  I don’t have to play and they are basically silent.  If I knew the actual rules to Ghost Bunny I would totally share them with you.  This game is second only to the Quiet Game, which Sophia says “totally stinks”.  If I figure out how to get them to play that – you can give some giant mommy prize.

The Missing Brain

If you see my brain, let me know.  I think it might have fallen out of my huge ears.  I can’t remember anything.  I am saying words that do not exist.  I am responding to people who have not said anything.  I am lost all the time.  I do not ever know what time it is.  I feel like a raving lunatic.  Even Sophia asked “Mommy are you being crazy or just silly or are you saying a joke?”  Of course I lied and said I was joking.  I do not want my 3 year old thinking that I have lost my mind and with it every ounce of authority.  So if you have any advice – I’d love to hear it – but I expect this is just what is known as Baby Crazy.   I should just use it as an excuse to act like a fool and bear absoltely no shame or blame.

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Somewhere along the way I completely missed that my absolutely spectacular son is no longer a baby but a kick ass little boy!  I feel like a dunce but I spent the whole day with Miles and my mom and he has a huge personality that I have only seen glimpses of in the “shadow” of his extremely exuberant older sister.

Sophia and Miles are only 19 months apart and Sophia is a bit of a show stealer.  I think one danger of having kids so close together is in the difficulty finding their own time with mom and dad and their own special personality.  She is outgoing, intelligent, funny and has a very loud voice.  She is a wonderful big sister despite her moments of bossiness.  She is always helping Miles and teaching Miles and playing with Miles and it is amazing to watch them together.  Miles follows her every move if at all possible.  It can be hard to see who he is.  I rarely, and never for this amount of time, spend alone time with Miles.  I got a lot of time with him when he was a baby but this is not the same thing considering he was attached to my boob or sleeping for most of those hours.  He still loves to eat and sleep but it turns out he is a really cool kid.  Since my baby abandoned the teat and turned into a toddler he and Sophia have been a team and I think I missed some of his shining personality.

Sophia flew to New Orleans with her daddy this morning and I bawled when I dropped them off at the airport.  I have never left the kids with my husband and I have only been away from Sophia for a minimal amount of time her whole life.  Every night we say “Best Friends Forever” and I mean it.  That chick rocks my world. 

I cried on the way home and then I walked into the door and got a huge hug from Miles as he yelled “Mama!”  I have missed Sophia today, but more I have enjoyed Miles.  I am just going to share a few things now because I have through Tuesday with him and I am hoping for some awesome memories and maybe my first Miles in action video! 

First, without Sophia he said at least 5 words he has never said before, or I have never been able to hear because Sophia corrects him or talks over him.  He now says candy, pants, diaper, pizza and tunnel.  These don’t sound perfect but we heard them and more than once.  In addition to these specific additions to his vocabulary, without Sophia he talked almost non-stop the whole day and tried to repeat almost any word we asked him to.  It was awesome. 

Second, Miles is really good at building things and figuring out puzzles.  He is patient and thoughtful with blocks, trying to figure out the best way to put them together.  He is methodical when he chooses a shape and color.  He holds the shapes up and tests their fit in his creation and then very carefully puts his pieces together.    He has a lot more patience than his sister.  He enjoys silent activities as much as the mind numbing volume of the games he plays with his sister.

Third, Miles is a little friend to everybody.  He says hello, gives hugs,  shares toys and even sings to people.  This little man is really a nice guy.  I got so many cuddles today.  He was able to play with other kids in the toy store without Sophia dragging us away and unlike his sister, he loves to play with kids his own age (Sophia runs with the older elementary age crowd)!  I have never gotten the chance to see him interact alone with other kids and he is just great!  He even seems like he is telling jokes and establishing camaraderie with the other toddlers round the Thomas table. 

I was fascinated – no floored - by the revelation of my own child’s personality.   I am resolving to spend more time alone with him, even if it means hiring a sitter sometimes after this baby is born.  He deserves it, and so do I.

Do you think it is hard to get to know all of your kids when they are close together?  Did you find that you have to make a real effort to spend quality alone time with each child?  I would love to hear any ideas or tips on this one because I do not want to miss all these wonderful individual traits in any of my children.

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Image from CPSC Release

The Issue

The Consumer Products Safety Commission and Health Canada announced today the recall of more than 2.1 million Stork Craft drop-side cribs.  This comes after prior recalls of drop-side cribs and before an expected discussion around banning drop side cribs altogether.

Toys R Us / Babies R Us stopped ordering drop side cribs in April and indicated they will be phasing them out completely.  Many crib manufacturers have already stopped making this type of crib. 

While the recall deals with what the CPSC considers faulty manufacturing in a specific crib, there is a real reason to consider getting rid of your non-recalled drop-side crib, particularly if it has seen a lot of use or has been taken apart and re-assembled many times.  The hardware that makes the drop side cribs possible does not stand up well to that kind of wear and tear.  This, to me, is terrifying.  Many cribs are handed down and taken apart and put back together time after time.  Cribs are considered pieces of furniture and as such should hold up to years of use.

This particular issue hits close to home.  I hate to admit this but Miles is currently sleeping in a crib that I am working over time to replace.  He has a VERY expensive solid wood Bratt Decor crib, that after about a year with Sophia (and we barely used the drop side) and 10 months with him since he has been in a crib and not our room, has a broken piece in the drop side mechanism.   I have “fixed” the side so that it is now stationery and does not drop but this is temporary.  We will no longer have any drop-side cribs in our home.

Please note that Bratt Decor stopped making drop-side cribs in 2008 and that the company is offering customers with a drop-side crib 25% off a stationary gate or kits to fix their older model iron cribs stationary.  Bratt Decor makes some GORGEOUS cribs and now they are all stationery so you should check them out!

The history – we were not hard on this at all.  We took the crib apart and put it back together 3 times.  First we assembled it for Sophia.  Then we disassembled it and re-assembled it to move it to Miles’ room.  Then we did that once again when we switched the two rooms.  Only 3 times and the little plastic slider thing broke.  This is not the same issue that the cribs recalled have, but it is an issue.  From the beginning I thought that the drop side was sketchy on all cribs.  That is why I never used it.  Maybe – just maybe – the side has been dropped a dozen times.

So, what do you think of this recall? I know that tons of people swear by their drop side cribs.  Maybe I would if I had not had the experience I related.  Do you think you will make a change in your little one’s sleeping arrangements or purchase a new crib for future children?  No judgies here – just curious!  I am one of those “If the CPSC says it – I do it gals” so you can tell why I am trying to get rid of it as soon as possible.  I would love to hear your thoughts!

My Solution?

As you know, I like to build things and I have been designing a new crib for quite some time and just never got around to finishing the plans and building it.   My thoughts…

My ideal crib would start out lower than the standard these days.  Both my kids have been injured hiding underneath the crib and getting huge scrapes from the metal mattress support.  Why would I want anything that my kids can hide under and get stuck under anyway?  This always irked me.  I have no need for a fancy crib skirt either.  This would eliminate  that need and make the crib a little less prominent and easier for me to get into to begin with!

My ideal crib would have four stationery, or locked sides, when baby is sleeping.

My Ideal crib would be convertible and practical day to day.   The front and back will be removeable either one at a time or together to create a toddler bed and then a full bed.  My current plan has a front gate that would lift completely out (remember this crib is closer to the ground so this is an easy feat) and then lock in place when put back.  Not only does this make the low profile crib like a little couch when not sleeping and an automatic toddler bed when wanted but it accomplishes a very important goal.  Changing the crib sheets will be a cinch!  I am actually 50 / 50 on whether or not I would need the crib to be convertible to a real bed at all, but it is a nice feature to have – as long as the conversion does not cost a majillion dollars!

My ideal crib would be simple and understated and be able to blend into the room.    Now that I almost on my third I have been though the elimination of crib bumpers and all decorative elements or items inside the crib already.  Now I just want something simple that works.  I think simple lines will work in any decor.

I have 2 designs right now and I must implement soon as Miles can get out of his crib already and that terrifies me!  I have mock-ups of both designs and both meet the guidelines of the CPSC and the stricter guidelines I have seen out there on some manufacturers sites.  Both are extremely simple in design with as few pieces as possible, making them safer for baby and easier on mom and dad!  While I am sure I will pull my hair out building it – this is what I have come up with.  I may just build him a toddler bed and really take my time with the crib for the new baby.

I am really a DIY and Type A kind of gal.  If I know what I want and I can’t find it I will just figure out how to make it.  This is my toughest challenge yet.   What do you think?

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