The big day was the easy part.  All that planning was nothing compared to real life marriage.  From there it gets complicated doesn’t it?    Two people sharing their lives is never simple.  Then you add children and it’s hard to find time to focus on your marriage or yourself.  At least, for me it has been hard.  I am just starting to get the hang of it. I plan on getting really good at it some day.

I cried watching the royal wedding because I remembered my own wedding day almost 8 years ago.  I thought back.  There have been some very tough times.  I would love to say they are nothing compared to the joy we have together, but I believe that making it through the hard stuff makes our marriage stronger.  Our blessings are bountiful and the trials are making us tough.  I want my marriage to be tough.

While we all drooled over her gorgeous dress and tweeted about her hair and wondered what it would be like to be a Princess (or Duchess), she was getting married.  Just like the rest of us, marrying the man she loves.  Love is the first part, then comes the marriage.  She is a royal now, and a celebrity.  She will be watched by the world in this capacity.  But as a wife, she is a woman, just like us, who is beginning a journey that takes love, compassion, compromise patience and determination.

I love weddings because it is amazing that people love each other enough to take this journey.  We all know, it doesn’t always work, making those vows that much more scary.  Yet we still pledge ourselves to one another.  We still take that leap.  Weddings remind me that taking a risk for love is worth it.

I am going to focus on my marriage just a little bit more each day.  I am going to tell my kids how important it is for Ross and I to have a strong marriage.  I want to look back at that picture of us walking away after our ceremony and always think…I would marry him again in a heartbeat.  I would do it all over for this love.

Congratulations to their Royal Highness’s William and Kate and to all the other people out there who have taken this leap for love.

p.s.  My husband keeps making jokes about marrying a Princess.  I totally did not get the joke until last night.  Guess what his ex-girlfriend’s name is?  Kate Middleton.  Crazy isn’t it?  If I were her I just might want to be called Duchess just for fun now.

Just to name a few…

I waited months for a Cabbage Patch Doll.  In those days you did not get to choose what you got.  You just waited and waited and like I tell my kids now, “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit”.

Garbage Pail Kids.  Gross but we all had them against the wishes of our parents.  Smelly Kelley and her friends may have been my first act of real rebellion.

I had Unicorn Gel Stickers on my Trapper Keepers and a sticker collection that was incredible.

I wore Guess Jeans that never fit my always curvy little body.  They either had a zipper on the leg or were fashionably pegged.

I loved my jellies so much I can’t wait to buy them for my own girls.  Yes, they are at Gap Kids.

I rocked a Swatch watch and one awesome Christmas I got a Swatch phone…to go with a phone line in my room.  I know, it was like, awesome.

Legwarmers, well I loved them.  And my gorgeous mom was an aerobics teacher so they were never in short supply.

I thought Gem was truly truly truly outrageous.

I think I learned to roller skate at the same time I learned to ride a bike.  Roller rinks were just so wicked cool.

The list goes on, fads came and went.  I grew up.  Now I have a daughter who is just now starting to beg for the latest and greatest trinket. 

She loves charm bracelets, and I told her she hasn’t seen anything yet.  I had the greatest charm necklace in the world.  I loved it.  It was one of the first fads I embraced.  I thought my necklace was gorgeous.  Actually, I still do. 

I am in 2nd grade here.  That’s my little brother Graham.  He rocked the bowl cut don’t you think?  But the necklace – incredible isn’t it?

Fads may seem silly, but actually, looking back they are part of the fabric of my childhood.  I have a million wonderful memories of my youth that have nothing to do with the latest and greatest, but I find that those fads are a staccato in my timeline.  They make my memories more clear.  I can focus on what I was wearing and see it in photos.  Many recollections begin with laughter about the particular fad I was embracing. 

So, I am cool with letting my kids indulge in some fads.  I did not grow up to be dependent on what other people are doing or lose my own identity in my plastic charms.   I thought I would rage against being a follower in all things, but now I actually have kids.  And well, some of these fads are totally rad.

What did you rock in your youth?  Do you let your kids follow the fads?

So here it is!  Looks organized, right?  That’s because the top drawer of this little dresser gets opened every day and I push all the junk off the top and into the drawer.  This is the one place where I use my husband’s cleaning philosophy.  I do clean out the drawer pretty regularly, but it seems to always remain full of stuff.

My favorite thing about my nightstand is actually the tiny sparkly chandelier that hangs above it.  I need just a little bit of glamour to be happy and as my day to day life is anything but glamorous, I try to out little pieces of wow around my house.  This is high enough up that the kids don’t touch it and can’t break it.  It also prevents the need for a lamp here and is on a dimmer so I can read all through the night without bothering hubs too much.

I keep my burlwood jewelry box from my husband on my nightstand because I love it.  I know it doesn’t really match but it’s just so pretty.

I always have a pile of house magazines near my bed.  One of my favorite things to do is flip through This Old House and Elle Decor in my bed. 

On top of my magazines is my idea book.  The goal is to jot down blog ideas as they come to me.  For some reason when my head hits the pillow a get a million ideas for the blog.  I write them down or lose them.

That sassy pink case holds my Nook.  Prior to having the Nook you would have seen a giant pile of books.  I am a bibliophile.

On top of the Nook is the best little diary ever.  It is called the Keel’s Simple Diary.  I would love to work with this little company and meet the man behind the book, Phillip Keel. All of the pages have little sayings and multiple choice questions with answers that are both ordinary and profoundly important.  Then there are 1 or 2 open questions you answer or a fill in the blank and you are done.  Little pieces of me are now recorded in this book.  I love it.  I chose Orange, one of my favorite colors.  Check out what the book says this says about me.  I keep this little page in the front cover of the book.  Fabulous, right…I mean I always need The Sound of Music.

I also keep a photo of my first trip to Paris with Ross.  It was my first trip to Paris ever.  I want to go back each and every day.  I want to live there.  I just like to look at it, remember, and dream.  The frame flips around to show a picture of us quite sloshed in Brussels.  We hopped on an e-saver pre-procreation for an unplanned weekend in Europe.  That will not happen again for a very long time.  It makes me smile and reminds me that I am fun.

Hidden behind the photo is my body butter and my lube.  Don’t laugh or judge.  I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for 5 years.  My hormones are all kinds of wacky.  Lube is good.

Sophia’s wand is there and always ends up there.  She likes to sit on my side of the bed to “relax” and I suppose one puts down their wand to do so.

The necklace is a gorgeous crystal that I wear almost every day.  I do not wear a lot of jewelry, but Ross gave me this Baccarat Eclipse pendant when I met him in London and was pregnant with Sophia.  He was working there for a couple of months and my job let me go and join him in the London office.  No one knew I was pregnant, even in our families.  This necklace reminds me of that time and of our special secret and always makes me smile as I think of the wonderful little family we have built.  If you have seen me, you have seen this necklace.  I adore it.

Finally you see the alarm clock that never gets used.  I have 3 kids who wake up at all hours of the night and are up for good at the crack of dawn.  Unless we are waking up for the Disney drive at 4 a.m. this baby is pointless.

Now wasn’t that fun?  Each week there is a new challenge at Adventuroo so check it out and please tell me…what’s on your nightstand?

Every week millions of moms tune in to watch The Bachelor despite the fact that the whole concept is a little strange and it makes us a little nauseous to watch one gentleman make out with a dozen girls and have a counselor that says that it’s cool.   Personally, I get why the Bachelorettes cry all the time.  If I believed that my boyfriend was parading around town with other girls and slipping them the tongue, I would be pretty pissed.  I don’t really understand how they fall in love with all those other chicks around actually, but that’s just me.  It is very entertaining, I just feel really bad for all those girls (except the mean one, she actually scares me).

One of best things about The Bachelor is the dates.  The once in a lifetime romantic nights, the never in a million years adventures, and the luxurious surroundings make this married lady drool.  It’s awesome that these single ladies have such wonderful dates with their potential prince.  I think it is probably quite a different story once they are off the show and back to real life, but on those nights…anyone could feel like they were falling in love.

You know who really needs to remember falling in love?  A date like this could be life changing for some of us couples with kids.  See – look how happy Ross and I would be in the Hollywood Bowl dancing and listening to Train sing Marry Me.  I could use a night of jewels and gowns and romance!

What I would like to see is real relationships getting that chance at another night of romance.  I would tune in every week to see a real couple have the date of their dreams.  I would never miss the chance to see the actual relationship flames rekindled.  This would inspire me and remind me that all that romance is still here.  Seriously, having a bunch of kids makes it hard to see the sexy sometimes.  I believe people would watch.  Like Extreme Makeover, this is the ultimate in dates for a real couple who needs it.  Guess what, there are millions of those couples out there.  I am not the only one.  Everyone loves a good romance whether they are living it or watching it.

You could start off by letting us get to know the couple and learn why they need this fantastic night.   It does not have to be the most dramatic reason in the world.  No one needs to be dying.  No one needs to be home from war.  I am totally cool watching normal couples.  I know that once the kids come the dates get fewer and fewer.  There is very little time to be alone.  Money is put away for camps and ballet and college and not spent on cocktail dresses and nice restaurants.  For me, when we do go out it is always to celebrate a friend’s birthday or anniversary or support a charitable cause.  All of those things are wonderful, but most couples need a night to focus on them.  It is sometimes hard, day by day, to find that spark that brought you together and made those babies!  Parents everywhere would identify with the couples and the need for that special night!

After we learn what the couple would just love….we watch them get it.  Romance, Adventure, Relaxation, History…it’s the date of a lifetime.  No kids, no jobs, no cell phones, no wondering if they can afford it.  Just a little bit of fantasy and the time to rediscover love.  Then I think we could see them returning to their kids and all the hugs and kisses because guess what, parents love their kids so much that even during a fantasy date – they are thinking of them. 

All in all it could work!

I think it is simple, watchable, and a real tear jerker.  I would be crying…I can guarantee it.

By the way, if you ever do produce a show like this, I would be happy to volunteer as the first couple.  Or take a cut of the earnings, with which I could send myself on my own fantasy date. 

I do have online backup so at some point I will be able to recover what is lost, but it can take time.  Yes, I have lost a computer and all of it’s contents before.

The only pictures I have on this computer are old…and they brought me back.

There are years of pictures – all before I had kids.

There are pictures of me and Ross gallivanting around the globe, thinking only about each other and our itinerary for the day.  I must say, as much as I totally adore my kids and my life, I could so go back for just a few days and re-live that not a care in the world feeling.

We honeymooned in Bermuda at a lovely resort that does not allow children.  Here we are, childless DINKS (Dual Income No Kids), enjoying the nightly pre-dinner cocktail hour where they served Rum  Swizzles.   Yum.  Again, there were no children.  We didn’t even know what a luxury this was.

If you are wondering, I never used to smile with my mouth open (unless very drunk – see below) because I hated my teeth before invisalign.  Believe me though, I am really happy.  And really sun-burnt.  I read 10 books in 8 days sitting under an umbrella and it was absolute bliss. None of those books were about Dora or dinosaurs or Fancy Nancy.  They were grown up books.  Some of them had sex and romance in them…and maybe one from the airport had both those and a pirate.  Yum.

We really need another honeymoon.  We need a break for us.  It would be good for our marriage and for ourselves and really, good for the kids. 

I don’t know when this vacation will be but I think I am going to print out a couple of old pictures and tack them up in my office to remind myself to make time for myself and my husband.

It may not be Bermuda but maybe a big date night or a night in a hotel or just a couple of hours away.  It’s too easy for me to let myself and my marriage come after the kids.  That is not right.  I have to be okay and we have to be okay for our family to be okay.

These pictures will also make me start planning our next real vacation – without the kids.

It will be tough though.  Planning to be away from 3 kids is no easy feat.

No longer can we jet off with 2 days notice on an e-saver to Belgium and get completely tanked with a bunch of Scots who yelled “Kilt’s Up” and then showed the world their man parts in the freezing cold and then we all wandered the streets singing.  It’s too bad too – that trip was so.much.fun.

Please tell me you can get away?  With Violet attached to my boob it will be awhile for me.  Can I live vicariously through you? Tell me how you make time after kids!

The thing is, before I had kids I totally would have been there.  I am good friends with Zinfandel.  Not so much with wild game but before kids…who the hell cares?  Night out at an awesome restaurant, I’m game.

Now, it’s like I’m a whole different person.  I have changed since becoming a mother. 

I now eat with my kids.  And we eat early.  When my husband is not in town we eat between 4:30 and 5 pm.  When he is in town and home for dinner they whine about being hungry until we eat at 6.  After a couple of years, one gets used to feeding onself at this time.   Now, I whine until Ross gets home too.  I am hungry in the afternoon and if we eat dinner we eliminate the need for another snack and everyone actually eats.  So, dinner starting at 7 or later?  Not for me.  I love going out but normally will eat early and then get something small at a restaurant and enjoy my wine.

I now have a stomach the size of a peanut.  No, it does not look so small on the outside.  That would rock.  I simply cannot eat as much at one time as  I used to.  So a 5 course meal would be money grossly wasted on me.  I might only make it through 2…if I tried.  And took a walk in between courses.  I just start to feel a little sick.  I wish this was not so, but so be it.  

The cost of a babysitter for 3 kids is a lot.  So to add the cost of the sitter to the cost of me would be so ridiculous.  Especially if I only ate a couple bites.  Hey mom, want to quit your job, move here and watch my kids for free?  No, well then I will just be an all hours SAHM.

I now have a house that looks like a pig sty by the end of the day and making the kids pick up their stuff (which I do) still doesn’t get the dishes or the laundry or the cleaning of my own stuff done.  So, in the evenings, I have to do all this junk of keeping a house at least partially presentable.  This is not my favorite part of motherhood.  This part stinks.

Getting dressed up is really hard.  I’m all sensitive about so many things now and I cry over every ill fitting outfit and I probably haven’t showered so really, I might just not be presentable at many nice establishments anymore. 

I didn’t used to have this lovely little blog and sign up for crazy things like NaBloPoMo where I post everyday.  I love being committed to my place here on the internet but for this month, it means I need to give up some things.  Things like fancy wine dinners.

So now you know why I sent my husband off for a dude date and stayed in saving money, doing laundry, attending a twitter party, sending emails and blogging.

All in my pajamas.  

Just the way I like it.

I did miss the nice wine though.  I tapped into a Target wine box.  So not the same thing. 

Ross sent me photos of the kids enjoying the gorgeous day and the incredible balloons and I felt inspired. 

I was stuck at home, continuing to organize three rooms of things to be put away when this renovation is complete.  It’s this week people.  I can’t wait.  But the mess and the chaos has been weighing on me.  I have been feeling rather uninspired.

Remembering my hot air balloon ride and seeing my kids revel in the colorful splendor of these massive balloons lifted a weight from my shoulders.

I took a hot air balloon ride with Ross over Napa Vally before we had kids and it was a magical and incredible experience.  It was silent and dark when we arrived to prepare for our upward journey.   I did not know what to expect, but my heart raced with anticipation.  As we stood in the balloon I could not wait for the moment when we would climb into the basket and ascend.

I was fascinated watching the hot fire in the cold morning air as it’s heat filled the colorful fabric.

When we released the ropes and rose into the air I was struck by the silence in the air.  I was giddy with the weightless feeling.  I found romance in the bright balloon trip above the vineyards.  The experience was incredible and the view from the basket was stunning.  We swore we would do it again.

I have not thought about that hot air balloon trip in years.  We have not made another ascension yet.  Things get a little crazy when you have 3 kids in just over 3 years.  Sometimes we forget the things we love.

As I opened each picture of the kids at the festival in my blackberry the crazy feeling left me and the I could sense again the feeling of calm I had in that balloon.  I imagined the excitement they were feeling just seeing so many balloons and I took some of that feeling for myself.  I let the weight of my days lift and I looked at my life with a new energy.

Sometimes I am reminded to take a breath and enjoy my life.  It doesn’t need to be complex.  Joy is easy.  I just have to take a moment to see that it is everywhere.

Hot air balloons are a perfect reminder for me.  With something so simple as heat from a fire, they are able to fly.  With something as easy as a kaleidoscope of color, they provide beauty.  With just a few hundred yards in the air, I was able to refocus so many years ago and appreciate all of the wonderful things I have in my life.   Thinking about them now brings me back to that place.

That place of simple joys is a place I would like to call home.

My kids were inspired.  And they inspired me to open my arms and embrace my life.

What inspires you?  I would love to hear how we can all remember something that brings us back to a place of calm and happiness and…inspiration!

Before I had kids, I loved football.  That is because we used to go to a lot of games.  Almost every week they played.  And get good seats.  And get pretty drunk.  Please see evidence above.  Panthers game.  Club Seats.  Lots of Beer.  Raining and we don’t care.  Clearly childless and carefree. 

This was all possible for 2 reasons.  First, because we could spend the money that now goes to keeping our kids alive and healthy and happy on kick ass ridiculous things like expensive football seats and $5 beers.  Second, because we did not have to come home or wake up and take care of any small children who needed us to be sober and highly functioning adults. 

Those cute little creatures are quite a buzzkill huh?

By the way, my wonderful husband still goes to games.  I am the babysitter.  He does not get all tipsy at them though because he knows that when he comes home it is GAME ON – pre-school style!

Do you have a Before I had Kids story?  I would love to hear it!  This will be a regular new weekly post of mine and I expect that the list is so long it could last through the next year or so!  Please play along with the Before I Had Kids game.  It’s okay – we know you love them – we all just want to know what you loved to get yourself into before they were tops on your agenda!  Make sure to leave a link so we can all check it out!  Uh-oh – I may have to get myself a McLinky thing! 

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