I am not one to curse on my blog or out loud much really.  In my head it is a whole different story, but that is beside the point.

There is no other word but shit for our weekend.  It was everywhere.  Literally.

Violet is all good with pee pee in the potty and she just LOVES wearing undies.  She even potty trained her doll.  How sweet is she?

What she doesn’t relish is putting her nasty poop in that potty and it is driving us crazy.  It doesn’t matter if she has undies or a pull up on, she goes right in it and then takes it off with shit going everywhere and then sits on the potty, spreading the nasty all over everything.  Of course, I thought, the solution is simple.  She can be as naked as the day she is born and I will follow her around like a hawk.  When she makes that very obvious shit face, I will place her on the potty and she will learn.  It is not rocket science, right?

It could have worked, but Miles got sick this weekend. He came into my room late Friday night saying his body hurt and I heard the sound of his stomach turning.  In order to save my bed I sacrificed the carpet.  I spun him around (that’s the gentle way of putting it.  We have a brand new bed.) and he threw up all the way from my bed to the bathroom and to the potty.  He had nothing left.  It was all on the carpet.  We cuddled him and cleaned him and changed him and then I spent an hour cleaning our carpet, but I knew that this stain, like the ones in the other bedrooms, would be nearly impossible to get out.

On Saturday morning I was performing my hawk like observation of Violet when I head Miles cry out, “Mom, my toots are exploding!”.  I glanced at Violet and ran to see Miles trying to run down the hall with diarrhea running down his pant legs.  He started bawling and Ross and I were at a loss for a moment.  Don’t be shocked, we love him but that was just a lot to take in and we had to figure out a plan for getting him out of his clothes.  It turns out there is no good way and we all ended up covered in shit.  Thank God I rolled up my sleeves.  Miles’ clothes were not salvageable.  In fact, we have sacrificed 3 pairs of pants completely this week.  They were not worth saving, I promise.

This whole horror story lasted only a few minutes when we remembered Violet.  We looked in and she looked fine and happy.  Then we saw the floor.  Littered amongst the logos and the figures was a bunch of scattered turds.  One she had stepped in.  As gross as this was, it was better than the previous accident.  She looked at the poop and started to pick it up to put it in the potty.  At that moment I almost threw up too.

Needless to say, I cleaned a lot of floors Saturday morning.  I cleaned a lot of body parts.  I cleaned a lot of toys.

Let’s just say Miles got antibiotics and they have made him feel better but his toots keep exploding.  And he keeps yelling “exploding toots mom!”.

It’s been a long few days.

You might be wondering about the sunshine?  Well, first, we are getting there on the potty training.  That will be a big amen moment! Even better though, after 6 years in this house with carpets that have always needed replacing, we are getting new carpet!  My big wish got moved to the top of the list when we surveyed the damage of the past few days coupled with all the stuff that came on the carpet from the previous owners with 5 dogs.  It’s hard to move “not needed” things up the list with my husband, but this few days of shit totally did it!

I will totally be posting the whole before and after on Tip Top Nest, so I hope you can check it out!  It is my brand new home blog.  So there’s some sunshine too.  I love it!

I am off to continue moving all of the furniture out of the bedrooms.  I hope you are having a much less shitty time than I am!

She had a mystery rash covering her body.  This photo was taken a little before 9 a.m.  By 10 a.m. the rash had spread to her face and the entire red portion was becoming brighter and very swollen.  Of course I called the doctor instead of typing my fears to Dr. Google when I saw the nasty red area was surrounding her eyes.

$25 Bucks for Mommy Guilt and a Mystery

Of course, as usual after you pay $25 dollars to see a professional and not the free Dr. Google, the problem is completely your fault and basically untreatable.  Violet has hives.  She is allergic to something and I am supposed to figure out which one of the million things that child touches or puts in her mouth causes this outbreak.  I am supposed to go through these million things with the knowledge that 2/3 of the time, according to the real doctor, we will never figure out what the offensive item is.

If we cannot deduce by amazing sleuthing what item causes this and it remains all over her body in 2 freaking weeks, then we will go to the allergist.  So you know, the Dr. said that often this also yields no additional information but for the list of terrible possible allergies my child might have.  Let me just say we run the gamut of allergies in this family already.  Shellfish, bees, nuts, and even grass run in my husband’s lovely blood.  Awesome.  I’m pretty sure that $50 specialist co-pay would lead to something just awful.

So we begin the process of watching every single thing she touches and hoping that this goes away so she can enjoy her 2nd birthday on Thursday.

A Molloscum is Better than a Nipple

The day got even better when I asked about the bumps on Miles’ legs that have recently become very painful and irritated.  I was told he has very common internal virus that produces wart like bumps called Molloscum Contagiosum.  About 50% of children will get them but Miles has extremely sensitive skin and as his immune system recognized these molloscums (yuck!) it did what it was supposed to and started to attack them.  Now the back of his legs is a bloody infected mess and according  to the doctor I should be cheering on his immune system for finally getting it right.  This is less than a huge Wahoo in my book.

What we are really pumped about is the fact that we thought that one of those molloscum on his chest, after a few glasses of wine, looked a lot like a third nipple.  Well we all know from Chandler on Friends that a third nipple is like totally uncool and people just want to see it and whether or not is has hair and they call it a nubbin to make it cute and well, we just hoped he didn’t have one.  We would have loved him and his third nipple, but we are happy with that molloscum that will go away after his body physically attacks and mutilates it.

Now Investing in Band-Aid and Really Cool Pants

As you may have guessed, that whole contagiosum thing means this can be spread and so, for Miles to go to school, his third nipple like molloscum will need to be covered with a water tight bandaid and he will need to wear pants to cover his knees.  Let’s hope these babies go away before the southern summer roasts my poor little guy.  Good news is this type of bump is not spreadable to me or to other grownups unless we have a compromised immune system.  So, last night’s cuddle fest will not give me the bumps.  However, there are no more baths together, which will devastate Miles and he has to wear his long pants or jammies while playing with the girls.  Poor kid.  He loves nothing more than being naked.  So this blows.

As far as illness and affliction, I know this is small potatoes compared to some stuff out there, and I am grateful that our illnesses are more gross than serious.  Still, could today have sucked much more? Probably not.

I am off to make lists of a million possible allergens.  I hope you have something more fun on your agenda.

Seriously, why is this gal not in catalogs?  Probably because these grown up poses are all she does when she hits the shallow water.  Sheesh…we can’t take her anywhere.  And high school…I am petrified.

Violet takes the cake for climbing.  The girl is smart and strong and at 18 months it seems that one day she may give Spiderman a run for his money.

Usually she calmly swings a leg up until it catches on the top of the crib and then pulls herself to the top.  Then she swings both legs over and lowers herself.  As soon as she is down, she walks away to find a toy to play with.  Even if it is 3 in the morning.  The fit that results when we remind her it is bedtime is epic.  To say we are short on sleep these days is laughable.  I am a zombie.

I think she is tired too, because I finally got a video of her and today she fell.  Of course it did not bother her one bit.  Sophia thought is was hysterical.  Violet went on with her business of bedtime ignorance.  And I thanked God once again that she did not perish.  She is drawn to danger.  I am in trouble.

We went ahead and ordered a crib tent to protect Violet and the little sleep I currently get. I said I wouldn’t but she does not sleep through the night and she shares a room with Sophia so having her leap onto her sister in the middle of the night is not working. I guess it is just another reason not to judge the parenting decisions of others. You just never know when you will be stuck in the same position.

How did you keep your climbers alive?

She is freaking crazy.

She is an extraordinary climber and spends most of her time on top of tables or counters or climbing bookcases.  I am terrified she will get hurt and break something.  She just laughs.

She doesn’t break.  She breaks my stuff.

Last week I found her on top of the back of our couch, ripping the stands off the back of our photos.  She destroyed the crytal frame that hekd our wedding photo.  I found her and felt a pit in my stomach as I saw the destruction.

Then, she climbed up the china cabinet and a door came open.  She climbed down and must have known what I cared about the most.  She went for the wedding china and thre two of my tea cups on the ground.  They broke.  My heart broke a little too.  I don’t get attached to stuff but I don’t have many fancy things and I love my wedding china.   She didn’t even hug me when I cried.  She was a little scared and when I went to hug her she started laughing.

Today we were hanging out and she pointed to my wedding album.  The kids love to flip through it and are always super careful.  I took out the album to look the pictures with her.  She did not like me turning the pages.  She threw a hysterical fit and ripped the picture on the cover of our album.  Her wild arms clawed at the album and she was satisfied with the ripped picture.

Now she is eyeing my wedding rings  and trying to pull them off my fingers.  I don’t know what her dastardly plans for my rings might be, but at this point she can have them over my dead body.  First the rings and then what if she went after Ross?

This little girl has an eye for destruction.  Sophia is hiding her vaulables (read: her lip gloss) and I totally get it. 

Sheesh, she better hope I do not hold a grudge when goes to plan some big fancy wedding.  At least she has a long while to make it up to me.  Hopefully a VERY long time.

What a perfect way to get a picture of all three of my Crazy Wonderful kids!

Go ahead…make one…it’s free!  And the quote boxes…well I just love them.

As a mother, I am keenly aware of her little shoes as they fly from her little hands.  As a woman who likes shoes, I will admit it may be that I am just very aware of shoes in general.  Her dad, well, not so much.   He loves taking her for walks and over the past few weeks she tossed the left shoe from all 3 of her pairs.  He did not notice.  I mock him for his inability to keep track of her shoes.

So I bought her a pair of Keens.  A purple pair of Keens.  They are so flipping cute.  I am determined to keep the pair united.  I would not live it down if I lost a brand new shoe just days after I bought them.

This morning she freed one of her Keens as we were leaving the hotel.  I scooped it off the ground and put it on top of the car while I finished buckling kids and getting DVD players set up.  My brain is a bit fried from this road trip and I forgot the shoe.  I pulled out and as I exited onto the highway…I remembered.  I knew that shoe was on the highway somewhere.  The next exit was 5 miles away.  I decided I would make my way back and find that shoe.

And I did.  On the highway exit ramp.

I saw it on the opposite side of the road.  I told you, I have an eye for these things.  So I turned around and threw my hazards on and made a little dash for the shoe.  I got it.  And I got a pic. 

Because I need to prove to my husband what I expect when it comes to shoes.  Absolute devotion.

It has come to my attention time and time again that many people assume I (and many other women) stuck with breastfeeding because it must have just clicked for me.  I hear things like “I wish it had been so easy for me” and I want to respond, but I know whatever I say will come out sounding like I am obsessed with other women’s lactation decisions.  I am not.

I have no problem with mothers making the choice to breastfeed or formula feed.  I totally get that some mothers cannot breastfeed and wish they could.  I understand that certain work scenarios make it almost impossible to maintain a milk supply.  There are so many reasons why breastfeeding may or not work for a woman.  I am not commenting on or judging those reasons.  I promise. 

Here’s the thing though…

Please don’t look at me and assume this breastfeeding thing is all easy and sweet.  Because breastfeeding is the one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.   It is also one of the things I am most proud of and I will never regret going through what I have in order to nurse my children. 

I, like many people, said I was going to breastfeed my children.  I was sure of it.  My mom breastfed all of us and never mentioned it being hard.  I figured it might take a couple days but then everything would be wonderful.  I did not fully understand it all or what it would take, but I read the books and went to the classes and said “I’m going to do that.”

No matter what happened, I did that and I am still doing it.  Some days I can’t believe it.  I thought about giving up.  It was that hard.

In the Beginning…and After the Beginning

In September of 2006 Sophia was born.  My milk came in right away, so fast that she could not latch on when I held her in the moments after she was born.  She would simply slide off.  I spent the days in the hospital crying through the night while lactation consultants came in and tried every position to help my firstborn to eat.  She got some milk while I was in the strangest positions and while it was painful, I could actually squeeze milk into her small mouth.   My lactation consultant advised me to come in 2 days after we went home.  Everyone thought that I just got my milk early and that after the normal engorgement everything would work itself out. 

When I got to the LC’s office I had a low grade fever and my breasts were as hard as rocks.  I had a small red area on one side and as I cringed in pain while holding Sophia’s mouth to my breast to eat, the LC informed me that I was most likely already experiencing mastitis from being unable to empty the milk and from the strange way that Sophia had to eat so that she would not drown in milk.  I am not kidding, if she did not clench down and take one gulp at a time her little face would be covered in milk.  It was terrible for her as she ended up choking and spitting and upset.  It was awful for me as I wondered what to do and felt completely embarrassed.  The two of us were constantly dripping.  I went home with a call into my OB for antibiotics and a scale to measure how much milk Sophia was actually getting.  Turns out if you cover the baby in milk not a lot goes in.

It did not take long to figure out that I was struggling with hyperlactation.  I had weekly appointments with the LC for a couple of months.  I made WAY too much milk.  It’s funny because some people find breastfeeding hard because they have to nurse or pump so much to keep supply up.  I had to do a crazy routine of block feeding combined with minimal pumping and then a once a day pump out to keep my supply from building up and getting me sick. 

Sophia and I finally figured out our own little complicated routine.  I cherish the moments I have spent nursing each of my children and do not regret at all my decision to stick with it.  However, my overproduction was not improving.  I had mastitis multiple times, constantly struggled with plugged ducts and was completely exhausted and overwhelmed by breastfeeding in my first few months of motherhood.

Besides being sick, I never really thought about the fact that my husband could not breastfeed.  No one’s can, unfortunately.  It was all my boobs…all the time.  We could not get Sophia to take a bottle and with our crazy weighing and recording and pumping schedule there was little Ross could do to help.  Why take a bottle when the milk came so much faster from the boob?  Nothing worked.  There is a joke that Brittany does nights.  I have been up for so long at all hours of the morning that it is true.  I do nights. Ross does give backrubs, bless his heart.

Back to Work

When Sophia was 14 weeks old, I went back to work with my pump.  I never went anywhere without a pump.  I had the hand pump for my purse (still do) and the big double electric for work.  My team and boss were aware that I was breastfeeding, but man was it hard.  I had to pump every three hours or risk a very embarrassing situation at work.  I took calls from the little room I pumped in.  I sat attached to those plastic cups with my blackberry in hand, trying to keep up with my days.  At the end of that day I had two coolers full of small bottles of milk.  We all thought that with me at work she would learn to take the bottle quickly.  We were all wrong.

Sophia did something called reverse cycling, where instead of learning to sleep through the night and eat during the day, the baby holds out during the day, content to get all of their nutrition directly from their mama.  She would have only a few sips at daycare and then nurse every couple of hours all night long.  She ate almost constantly from 6 to 10 p.m. and then every 3 hours until I left for work.  Honestly, it was grueling.  Also, our freezer was completely full of milk that she never drank.

I told everyone I knew that I was devoted to breastfeeding 100% and not to give me the option to give up.    Things were so hard that even my husband Ross, who fully supported me, told me he would still be proud of me if I gave up.  He was worried about me.  I was too, but each day things got a little tiny bit easier and I told myself that motherhood would require many battles and many sacrifices.  This was just one of them. 

Finally at around 7 months old, Sophia took a bottle.  Finally, she was drinking all that milk I pumped.  It felt like a miracle.  She started to sleep through the night and I started to feel like a human being again.

I ended up quitting my job.  I am so lucky that I was able to do that, but it made me so sad.  I love working and I was good at what I did.  I just needed to focus on being a mom and on feeling better.  Very soon after leaving my job I was feeling like a human again and I was pregnant again.

While I never wrestled with reverse cycling again, breastfeeding did not get easier the 2ndand3rd time around.

All My Children

As it turns out…none of my kids were big bottle fans.  Miles started learning to drink from a sippy at 6 months old and Violet has actually never wanted anything to do with one.  Yes, we tried it right away and kept trying.  Yes, we had babysitters try.  She is a no go.  She would not even try standard sippies until recently.  Just the boob.  Always the boob. 

All of my kids had to be weighed at each feeding to see how much milk they were getting, much like babies nursing from low milk supply or with latch issues. 

I continue to struggle with hyperlactation andhadmy last bout of mastitis just a couple months ago.  My LC is my friend now.  We got close.

I continue to leak milk each and every day.  I had to put pads in to write this post.  Violet is 14 months old and the furthest I have been from her is a party we went to 15 miles from my house.   While I have gotten the crazy spray under control (it used to shoot across the room) this is not ideal in any way. 

All of my children learned to nurse with a lot of work and patience.  It is a beautiful thing for me to feed them.  It just didn’t come “naturally” at all.

Breastfeeding Blues

I don’t think this is an actual term, but man do I feel like a fish out of water sometimes.   I have a lot of friends who had babies at the same time as me and a few that breastfed and a lot that did not, at least not past a month or so.  When you are breastfeeding, especially with a bottle hating baby, there are no breaks.  I am not invited to girls weekends.  We have missed couples getaways and anything that involves not bringing the baby.  Sometimes I just want to stop, but I don’t feel like it’s the right time and honestly, if Violet is my last, I am not ready to give up this time we have together.  I do want a night away with Ross or with friends, but we are just not ready.

Right Now

Things are easier now.  Violet is a good eater and my hyperlactation is as under control as it can be.  For the first time, I do not have to pump anymore, and I couldn’t be more excited to feel less like a cow and more like a lady.  While Violet still eats throughout the night we have a schedule and hey, she’s a cute addition to any blogging conference.  We will go on vacation alone at some point.  My other children self-weaned.  I think perhaps it was because things change when you are pregnant and my supply diminished, allowing me to cut out feedings.  I’m not preggers so at this point she is still getting lots of yummy milk.  Why wean?  As she gets busier I think she will drop some daytime feedings and I do hope that she starts to sleep through the night.  All in all, we are good. 

My Choice

I know that this is my choice.  At any time I could be done and say goodbye to breastfeeding.   I’m not looking for anyone to feel bad for me, just to share my story.  For me, as long as I could nurse my children, I was going to do it.   Many people are shocked that I kept breastfeeding.  Even my pediatrician suggested it was okay if I stop.  I never asked for anyone else to approve of my choice but I did ask them to support it.   While I make jokes about my struggles I have never really expressed how hard it was.   Most breastfeeding moms I talk to have struggled at some point and know what a challenge it can be to stick with it until it starts to feel natural and fit in your life.  I know I am not alone.

Breastfeeding my children is a gift.  Despite the battles, I would not make a different choice if I could.  Believe me, there are parenting areas in which I take the easy road.  This is just one where I decided to fight for my choice.  And I was lucky enough to win.

My Point (If there is one)

Yes, this is my story.  All moms have one.  It sometimes feels like because of the formula vs. breast milk war breastfeeding moms are not allowed to express their story for fear of offending a mom who could not or chose not to breastfeed.  Motherhood is hard no matter what choices you make in breastfeeding or anything else.   Motherhood is not a competition.  Sharing our different choices and journeys is important.    Maybe telling my story will allow another mom who is struggling to stick with it.  Maybe it will simply make people aware that the pride a breastfeeding mom feels is not because she is looking down on anyone else, but because she is happy with herself and this accomplishment.  Maybe my story will upset some people.  I sincerely hope not. 

I am that mom who is really proud of myself for sticking with it.  Because while breastfeeding my kids is one of the most amazing things I have ever done, I have something to tell you.     

It’s not all nips and giggles.

Thanks to the makers of Pine-Sol® for sponsoring my writing. A study shows a clean smelling home can help children succeed, so Pine-Sol® is supporting Reading is Fundamental (RIF) this year. Click “Like” on Pine-Sol®’s Facebook page here and they will donate books to RIF!

I honestly believe that children learn the most at home, whether or not they have childcare elsewhere. My kids are in pre-school in the mornings and they love it, but I think their time at home is the most important, especially at their ages.  Kids are comfortable in their homes and they trust their parents and the environment. As parents, we have a responsibility to make sure that we are providing activities for our children that inspire them to learn, to question, to create…to achieve. 

My kids are all very young.  Sophia is 4, Miles is 2 and Violet just turned 1.  They are all tiny sponges who live every day soaking in new knowledge as they ask questions and form their first opinions of the world around us.    I try to provide an environment where we can explore the basics like letters, numbers, colors and shapes and also really enjoy music, dancing, imaginative play and the outdoors. 

We start with books.  I am a bibliophile, a bookworm if you will.  I have thousands of books and the kids each have their own bookshelf.  I adore them and always have.  I was the little girl with the flashlight under her sheets at night.  My first chapter book was “B is for Betsy”.  I read it towards the end of kindergarten and I have never turned back.    None of my kids are fully reading yet, but we have 2 reading times each day, one after school and one before bed. The kids each pick a book and then I pick a book for each of them.  I always want them to make choices but I also know that a 2 and 4 year old will choose the same book for months on end as they attempt to memorize it.  Mommy needs a little variety!  Reading is our inspiration!

I really like this setup because the kids discover new books and they develop a love for books that make them happy.  Sophia has chosen Fancy Nancy every day for a month.  Miles always chooses something about dinosaurs.  His current favorite is from the fabulous Pipkin series and is called “How Big Was a Dinosaur?”.  Miles is almost 3 and has trouble with a lot of words but that boy can pick out a Parasaurolophus, a Maiasaura, a Pterandon or 50 others in a lineup of dinos and call out their name.  It is crazy. Violet is a big fan of touchy feely books and loves things that rhyme when read in silly voices.  Thankfully I am great at ridiculous voices.  For my books, I usually choose classic childrens stories or books about things that we love to explore in our world.  So we read about the moon, animals, artists, birds, frogs…anything we have been talking about “in real life”.  If there is something else we want to read, I usually just agree.  We have some very long reading times and they love books!

I believe that life is best learned living it, so despite my love affair with the written word, we get out and live.  Inspiring children is easy with a little energy and creativity.  We get out our Tupperware and talk about what holds more or less.  We take those plastic bowls in the bathtub to talk about water and air.  We go on nature walks to collect leaves or rocks or find 5 animals.  We hit the yard with our parachute and play games, trying to catch the wind and run underneath.  My kitchen table is tinted green from the amount of paint that I have tried to scrub off it as the kids create their messy masterpieces.  We have a basket full of instruments and have impromptu concerts.  We make up songs about everything.  The kids are learning to use tools and help me with my building projects.  We look at the moon and stars and talk about how big they are and how cool the solar system is.  The solar system is fast becoming our favorite new conversation.  I’m feeling a Styrofoam planet project in our future!  Really, I just try to make whatever needs to get done as fun as possible and try to throw in something special and learning oriented for the kiddos in the afternoon. 

The most important thing for us in terms of inspiring achievement in the home is letting our kids know we believe in them.  All the books and activities mean nothing if your child feels like they are disappointing you because they don’t read early enough or color in the lines or know the notes on the piano.  Children at very young ages develop at different rates.  Some kids become verbal faster, some have the agility to ride a bike at 3, some can read at 4, some can keep a tune from the time they are a toddler.  Usually each kid has a mix of abilities, some more developed than others.  Most of this stuff will start to equal out by the early years of elementary school and is totally normal!   I get the best “results” from my kids when I encourage them and tell them how awesome that blob that is supposed to be a dinosaur is…you know what I mean?   I think the worst thing I could do would be to stifle their curiosity and make them uncertain about taking chances and trying new things for fear of doing it wrong.

So we use books and arts and life and hugs to inspire achievement in our home.  What do you do to get your kids started on the best path possible? 

Don’t forget to click over to Pine-Sol®’s Facebook page to support our children’s success. I was selected for this Pine-Sol® sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

I just want to tell you that what comes of that boinking is the most precious Valentine’s gift ever.   I love my kids.  They are fabulous from the moment they come out all nekked and gross.  But you know what?  Dressing them up in holiday outfits while they are young enough to allow it makes me absolutely gleeful.  You all know I would have loved twins for this specific reason right?

I give you my Valentines of the shorter set.  Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

All these Valentines are made in the U.S.A by me and the hubs but I did way more work.  (Also: Sophia was partially cooked in France, England and St. John).

Here is Miles in my favorite shirt ever looking very happy to be my Valentine.  Yes, I bought it a Target.  I owe Target a valentine.  I love that store.

Sophia is my first little Valentine and she woke up saying she wanted to give a Valentine to the whole world.  Well, this Internet thing is as close as she can get.  She wore her hearts for you, world.

My girls are heart-breakers.  Well, they break my heart.  And Violet is wearing Sophia’s old V-day dress and we all know how fast the tears come when we remember when our kids were babies.  I may never get rid of these little clothes.

The kids refused to stand anywhere but in front of the window and I kept my cool for the holiday.  Once again, my over and under-exposed children in a holiday picture.  Is this a holiday?  Whatever – any reason for a picture is good for me. 

We all wish you a very Happy Valentines Day and send you all our love.  Pass a little love along okay?

XOXOXOXOXO

Brittany, Sophia, Miles & Violet