I am not one to curse on my blog or out loud much really.  In my head it is a whole different story, but that is beside the point.

There is no other word but shit for our weekend.  It was everywhere.  Literally.

Violet is all good with pee pee in the potty and she just LOVES wearing undies.  She even potty trained her doll.  How sweet is she?

What she doesn’t relish is putting her nasty poop in that potty and it is driving us crazy.  It doesn’t matter if she has undies or a pull up on, she goes right in it and then takes it off with shit going everywhere and then sits on the potty, spreading the nasty all over everything.  Of course, I thought, the solution is simple.  She can be as naked as the day she is born and I will follow her around like a hawk.  When she makes that very obvious shit face, I will place her on the potty and she will learn.  It is not rocket science, right?

It could have worked, but Miles got sick this weekend. He came into my room late Friday night saying his body hurt and I heard the sound of his stomach turning.  In order to save my bed I sacrificed the carpet.  I spun him around (that’s the gentle way of putting it.  We have a brand new bed.) and he threw up all the way from my bed to the bathroom and to the potty.  He had nothing left.  It was all on the carpet.  We cuddled him and cleaned him and changed him and then I spent an hour cleaning our carpet, but I knew that this stain, like the ones in the other bedrooms, would be nearly impossible to get out.

On Saturday morning I was performing my hawk like observation of Violet when I head Miles cry out, “Mom, my toots are exploding!”.  I glanced at Violet and ran to see Miles trying to run down the hall with diarrhea running down his pant legs.  He started bawling and Ross and I were at a loss for a moment.  Don’t be shocked, we love him but that was just a lot to take in and we had to figure out a plan for getting him out of his clothes.  It turns out there is no good way and we all ended up covered in shit.  Thank God I rolled up my sleeves.  Miles’ clothes were not salvageable.  In fact, we have sacrificed 3 pairs of pants completely this week.  They were not worth saving, I promise.

This whole horror story lasted only a few minutes when we remembered Violet.  We looked in and she looked fine and happy.  Then we saw the floor.  Littered amongst the logos and the figures was a bunch of scattered turds.  One she had stepped in.  As gross as this was, it was better than the previous accident.  She looked at the poop and started to pick it up to put it in the potty.  At that moment I almost threw up too.

Needless to say, I cleaned a lot of floors Saturday morning.  I cleaned a lot of body parts.  I cleaned a lot of toys.

Let’s just say Miles got antibiotics and they have made him feel better but his toots keep exploding.  And he keeps yelling “exploding toots mom!”.

It’s been a long few days.

You might be wondering about the sunshine?  Well, first, we are getting there on the potty training.  That will be a big amen moment! Even better though, after 6 years in this house with carpets that have always needed replacing, we are getting new carpet!  My big wish got moved to the top of the list when we surveyed the damage of the past few days coupled with all the stuff that came on the carpet from the previous owners with 5 dogs.  It’s hard to move “not needed” things up the list with my husband, but this few days of shit totally did it!

I will totally be posting the whole before and after on Tip Top Nest, so I hope you can check it out!  It is my brand new home blog.  So there’s some sunshine too.  I love it!

I am off to continue moving all of the furniture out of the bedrooms.  I hope you are having a much less shitty time than I am!

Hard to be a wife. Hard to be a mother. Hard to be a friend. Hard to be a writer. Hard to be me.

You see, I was going all gangbusters and ready to share with you the news of our 4th baby when I found out that our beautiful child would never make it to us.  Everything stopped for me.  Instead of bursting with joy I was overcome with grief.  The day I started writing about our new addition was the day I found out that I would instead be saying goodbye.

I want to connect again.  I want to share our moments and yours.  First, I need to let go of this anger and hurt and work from a place where my heart is again open. I was not going to post the following, but I think it might help me to share my darkest moments so that I can again relish the many joys I have.

Here is my heart. I will re-build myself.

I have been in and out of everything lately.  My life, my friendships, my blog, my marriage and yes, my mothering.  Lately isn’t even the right word.  We lost our baby to a fetal teratoma months ago.  That’s a tumor.  This tumor is called an epignathus.  A tumor growing out of my baby’s precious mouth.  Since then I have been shitty at everything.  I am left feeling heartbroken about losing that child and then guilty because my parenting and wife-ing has been so far below par for the last 5 months.

I look at women who have lost children and I am amazed at how together they seem.  I can’t even imagine that grief.

I remember my past miscarriages and wonder how I got over those.  I think I only barely started to move on when we had another baby.  This time I am not sure another baby will come.

I keep talking to people and reading posts from people who are pregnant, planning to have another or done.  They seem to know where they stand.  And then I barely keep myself from crying over my response as I approach our due date in February and know that I do not want to be done.  That I wanted that child.  That I might always want another baby.

See, I can’t find the bandaid.  I don’t know what will stop this pain.

Losing that baby took any semblance of thick skin from me and crushed it.  Now, I am fragile when I want to be strong.  I am sensitive and my heart bruises easily. I cry a lot and worse than that, I have been raising my voice, yelling, because all of my anger can’t stay inside.  I feel ashamed.

I have not written very much because I did not want to burden anyone with my grief and be that totally depressing woman who can’t stop crying about that baby when she already has 3 beautiful children.  Well, that’s me.  Totally beaten by the end of most days, and some days from the moment my eyes open.  I can’t let go.  I can’t move on.  I am not okay with it.  I am angry and hurt and confused and I am terrified.  Because it is not really getting better.

And I have not been talking about it. Now I am letting it out and hoping that I will begin to see myself again soon.

I want to be better and I want anyone out there who has felt this way to know that you are not alone.  That is why I am writing this down.  Because this loss is real and because it does not just go away.  It helps to share, and I am taking that first step.

I know that it has to get better.  It just has to.

My husband loves me.  My kids love me.  My friends love me.

I love me.

I know I will be okay.  It will take time.  More than I ever thought, I suppose, but I will be okay.  I will re-build my emotional life.  I know I am a good friend, a good wife and a good mother.  I need to ask everyone for patience and understanding and just do my very best.

Because my best is enough.  I am enough.

If you have experienced the loss of a baby, know that you can share your experience and that you are not at all alone.  Please visit Unspoken Grief, a community for healing after the pain of a miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal loss.

A hero is defined as

a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

Clearly the definition missed women and mothers as the act of motherhood is, in many ways defined not just by love but by courage and ability and qualities we never knew we had.

You are a hero.  I am a hero.  My mother is certainly a hero.  She is my best friend and an example to me every single day.  I could easily write about her and tell you what a wonderful mother she was through thick and thin.  You would all agree she is the bees knees as a mom.

Today I am not going to write about my mother.  I am going to tell you about my cousin Joslyn and her family.  I live every day in awe of what she and thousands of moms around this country fight through each and every day.  She is the mother of a little girl named London.

Joslyn is the mother of 3, like myself.  Ross and I were lucky and have 3 healthy children.  Joslyn has 3 beautiful children, but her baby girl London was born with what was only recently diagnosed Mitochondrial Disease and her family fights each and every day for little London.  She is in and out of the hospital and has had more procedures and surgeries than I can count.  London is a gorgeous little girl who loves life, but is often suffering. She lights up the room and every one who meets her is overwhelmed with joy at such huge spirit coming from her tiny body.  At almost 3, she weighs just 18 pounds.  Gaining weight is a daily battle fought with tubes and prayer.  Her father Mike says

If I was to announce London as a professional fighter she would be in the paper clip weight class…

Since her diagnoses of Mitochondrial Disease in June we now understand what some of her issues with lack of weight gain, digestive system, and autonomic system are stemming from.

Her disease is a progressive degenerative disease which means that for every 1 step forward she takes 2 steps back. September of 2010 London weighed over 20lbs and now she is weighing in at 18lbs on a good day.

Through TPN in April, Nissesn Fundoplication Surgery in July, and currently bolus feeding London has remained a very happy and cheerful child. Her personality is one in a million as she wants to high five every individual that crosses her path, eat dum-dum suckers, and sing & dance in front of 200 people at a Sunday morning Church service.

A mother like Joslyn could not be called anything less than a hero.  She has a constant list of things to do for London in addition to her other 2 children.  Not only does she have the regular activities but adds doctors appointments and surgeries and London’s daily regimen to her lists.  Children like London have very specific environmental needs and an overwhelming number of daily needs that other kids do not have.  I get overwhelmed by my life sometimes.  Then I think about Josy and her family and I get over it.  What I deal with is almost nothing compared to Josy.

Through all of this Joslyn has remained full of hope and ready with a smile for her family and friends.  I know how hard it is to remain peppy in the face of fear and hurt and confusion and she is hanging on.

Joslyn is a hero.  She goes above and beyond each and every day.  She did not chose her situation, but she does not give up.  Like us, she fights for her kids every day.

I truly believe that mothers are heroes.  I believe that every one of us should look in the mirror and acknowledge that what we do is amazing.  To give so much, to teach, to worry, to remain patient, to calm, to encourage and finally to watch them grow and then let them go, is not easy at all.  The love we share with our children is worth every difficult minute of motherhood.  Perhaps the love is even stronger for all we go through with our children.

The amazing thing about motherhood and heroism is that we don’t get to choose our kids or our battles.  We have our babies and we rise every day to the challenge of raising them.

I raise my glass to Joslyn and to mothers around the world.  You are all heroes.

I would love to hear your story. What mother is your hero?

Perhaps you know a heroic mom or see one when you look in the mirror. Share your story and be entered for a chance to win $2,500 cash from Allstate. Plus four runner-ups will receive a $100 Visa Gift Card. *The five finalists will be chosen from the Entries receiving the most votes.

One of the most important things any mom can do is purchase life insurance. Allstate has been helping to protect families’ futures with a range of life insurance products for over 50 years. To get a quote visit allstate.com/life

Disclosure: This is post is Sponsored by Allstate. The opinions expressed here are strictly my own. Official Contest Rules

Image: Marie Claire Hairstyle How-To’s

It took me more than a year to realize that my husband preferred my hair long.  It took me even longer to notice that only women commented on my sassy bob hair.  There were a few gay men who thought it was a good look too.   Just not heterosexual dudes, like my husband.  Like the kind I, you know, have feelings for.

I know why I cut it.  I have always had a young face and I thought that an edgier look would make me look older, more intelligent, more all powerful woman and such.   I thought I would be all hip.  I look more cute than beautiful day in and day out and I thought my haircut would help me bring it.  This probably means that somewhere I was assigning some sort of extra awesome badge to chicks with an edgy do.

What took me the longest to realize after my chop?

That I like long hair.  And that I can be a powerful self-confident woman and still have long locks.  That wanting my husband to think I am hot is more than okay.  I am not ashamed to say that I feel sexiest when my husband thinks I am.  I like my long hair.  I like being able to pull my hair up into a bun or let it fall down my back.  I love the pixie look and I think chicks with short cuts are rocking a hot look, but I feel the least like a little girl when my hair is long.

So I said screw it and stopped cutting my bangs.  I got a trim and not a cut.  I let my hair grow.  I am glad.

Guess what?  I am starting to look girly.  Well, cute and girly since I don’t wear make-up or anything other than jeans. Guess what else? I am super glad and I care that my husband likes it but I am still a feminist.  I still think us ladies pretty much rock and that we can do anything.  I can embrace a feminine look and even attempt (and fail at) sexy and remain an intelligent adult.  No man or woman should judge my intelligence or abilities based on my looks.  Particularly looking “womanly” as if that in itself indicates something inferior.  It is wrong.  It needs to stop.  It is not the message I want to send to my daughters.

I realize now, as I am typing this, that this is about more than my hair.  It’s about yours too, and any other style choices you make.

Women are judged very harshly by the way they look. I don’t even know how we are supposed to look when there is something wrong with everything.  Too girly, too manly, too funky, too made up…the list goes on.

As women, we have the right to be taken seriously no matter how feminine or non feminine we choose to be.  No matter how we cut our hair or what accessories we wear or what fashion we choose.  We can have long or short hair, conservative or flamboyant style, make-up or none.  Being girly and even sexy or anything more than boring is not the equivalent of being incompetent.  A girl with a ponytail can run a company or be an astronaut or be a political leader.  So can one with a boob job or very long nails.  I always hear comments on women who are very done up that imply she is an idiot only focused on finding a man or money.  How ludicrous.  I hear the same sorts of nasty comments about girls with tattoos or a very funky look and those are insane too.

I wrote about my concerns with Sophia wanting to be a princess at such a young age more than a year ago.  Luckily, she has not mentioned her weight in some months and seems overjoyed that her hair is finally growing.  She, like so many girls, wants long hair and long gowns.  She wants to look beautiful.  Nowadays, she is less obsessed than she was a year ago with any specific definition of beauty and she does not talk about being “fat”, a word we don’t use in our house.  We are relieved.  And I totally get why she wants long hair.  It is super fun.  In addition to being a princess, she also wants to be “everything except a robber”.  She wants to be an artist, a builder, a teacher, an astronaut, a soccer player…she can be anything and still be a girl.  She doesn’t think looking super girly will stop her, and she should be right.  We shall grow our hair together.

While I agree that the images of beauty we see day in and day out are unachievable for the most part and unhealthy for our children in terms of body image, I do not think the issue is with being allowed to be a girly girl if you want.  I do not think that she is being influenced to be girly by some all powerful marketing giant.  I will not focus on her love of glamor like it is some sort of sin.  It is just plain fun.  I think she likes long hair and nail polish and sparkles because they are cool.  My little guy likes them too.  They are not pretending to be grown ups.  They just like how it looks.

As long as my kids know that everybody has their own style and that it doesn’t determine their worth, we are okay.    This is about more than girl power.  This is just simple don’t judge a book by it cover stuff.  For girls and boys.  Abandon stereotypes.  Embrace diversity.  Sounds good, right?  Now let’s teach it to our kids and re-learn it as grown-ups.

Do you think people generally take a woman more seriously with a certain look? Do you find that you take certain looks more seriously than others or that you assume a woman is more successful because she is in a suit with a neat shoulder length haircut?  Or less reliable because she is very made up?  The word I hear is ditzy most often.  Just wondering, because I can so admit that it is not always easy to withhold judgement and give people a chance.  It’s not easy, but it is important.

*Excuse me, I really did start this post to tell you how I thought my new long hair was bringing me closer to sexy.  Then I got all fired up.  That always seems to happen when I think about women, beauty, expectations and stereotypes. 

Sophia’s birthday happens to be just 20 days after the kindergarten cutoff here in Charlotte.  We have been thinking about this since she was moved from the 2′s to the 3′s in pre-school a few years ago.  We knew she would finish the 4 year old class and then watch her friends go to kindergarten.  We worried about it.  We watched her befriend kids a year or more older than her with ease.

So we called the elementary school.  We asked about early admission to Charlotte-Mecklenburg schools.  It is possible.  With a birthday so close to the cutoff we would have to get her tested in IQ, reading and math and then have her evaluated by the school.  She would not have to be a raging genius, she would have to score in the 98th percentile for kids her age in IQ and then in either reading or math skills and have the recommendation of the counselor who administers the tests.

We watched Sophia and asked her 4′s teacher about her “place” amongst her peers who would be attending kindergarten.  With no red flags and a little girl was begging to go to kindergarten, we decided to have her tested.

She was actually excited when we walked into the office for 2 hours of testing.  I was nervous.  Almost nauseous. As a parent, you know your kid has got something, but you never know what.  It’s just crazy to send a 4 year old for IQ testing.   We prepared ourselves for everything from major learning issue to genius to crazy unexplainable to average awesome 4 year old girl.  If I am being totally honest, after years of thinking she was just a little ahead, we actually did remind ourselves that having any expectations was unfair to her and not right as a parent.  Still, you always want the best news. She came out happy and chatty but we did not know anything for a few weeks.

When we met with the counselor we left with the knowledge that Sophia was in fact intellectually and socially ready for kindergarten.  She was fine in IQ and far above her peer level in math (we had no idea) and above average in reading skills.  However, there was a big but.  In Charlotte a good number of parents specifically hold their children, usually boys, back a year.  I don’t know why other than worrying they are not ready or wanting them to be bigger, but it raised concern for our Sophia going to Kindergarten.  You see, with all the kids being held back there would be an almost 2 year age difference between the youngest and oldest kindergarteners and the counselor wanted us to think about this not just in terms of elementary school but as she aged.  Would we want our 13 year old in class with 15 year old boys?  What about having a 19 year old pick our 16 year old up for a date?  You know I am all kinds of afraid of sex so this really got me thinking.  I should have thought more about Sophia and less about the other “stuff”.

At the end of the day, we decided to find her a transitional kindergarten and told her it was because her birthday was extra special and that she would be super ready for kindergarten when she went.

We have had a month of school and we regret our decision.  Not only is Sophia unhappy that she is not in kindergarten, she says she is bored all the time both at school and at home.  Her TK has not even started the workbooks she was so exited about.  At home, you know we always have a million art projects and fun things around here.  She wants to be in school with friends for a full day.  Those were her exact words.  At first, my feelings were hurt.  I wondered why she did not want to spend more time with me.  She said she loved me very much, but that she was just as grown up as her friends and she wanted to be with them.  I get it.  Sophia has been a social uber extrovert since she was a baby.  She thrives in large groups and likes a challenge.  She is friends with 7 year olds already.  She can hold her own.

I don’t know why we underestimated her.

Now, it seems that our school district has added a K1 class to help deal with the age issue.  The older and more advanced kids have been placed in a kindergarten / 1st Grade class and the younger normal kindergarteners are in regular old kindergarten.  Had we known this, our decision would have been different.  We would have met with the school to send her this year.

We are now faced with a decision.  Do we leave her in her TK class and try to find extra activities in the afternoon?  Do we proceed with trying to start her now, since it has only been a month since school started?  Do we find and pay for one year of private kindergarten and then send her next year with the possibility she will then be in the K1 class?  We honestly feel like she should be in “real” school now, but is it too late?

Right now I am exploring all of our options while the thought that I failed my daughter tickles my brain.  These cutoffs are meant to send the kids to kindergarden who are supposed to be there, and we knew that is where she belonged.  We knew she would love it.  We knew our own daughter.  At the end of the day, as parents, we know our small children better than the counselors or the schools.  I need to remember that as we enter into the days when our kids are gone as much as they are here.  It is my job to pay attention and be an advocate for my child.  As a parent who plans on sending my children to public school, it is my job to be as active as possible and make sure that she and her classmates are getting what they need.  It is my job to fight for my kids when 20 days on a calendar keep them from what is right for them.   I want to listen to my kids and take them seriously when the matter is serious.  She told us what she wanted, she tested appropriately to move ahead and still we doubted her.

It is a mistake I hope we will not make again.

Question:  When do your kids go to kindergarten?  Do you have similar issues with age gaps due to holding kids back?  I am curious as to how the world works for school aged kids outside of Charlotte.  Thanks!

I must be old fashioned because seeing a Cosmo magazine makes me a little nauseous.  It is all sex all the time.  Is there even a relationship before the boom boom happens? I can’t imagine my babies doing it just to do it, and yet it seems that is where the world is going.  I must have something in me from my days of Sunday School that absolutely prevents me from seeing sex as just a physical act.  I see so much more and so much danger in treating something that is both physically and emotionally serious so casually.

I know I have a lot of time but I am already wondering how to prepare my kids for this world where everything is so out there and where they will know about things so very early and have to handle the challenges.  I know that I need to raise strong, confident kids who have the ability to be themselves even when the tide is moving away from them.  I am not sure I know how to teach them about sex and I know that the way I feel may be going out of style more and more each year.  Still, I think having sex comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of potential consequences that I don’t ever want my kids to have to face.  An unwanted pregnancy, an STD or even  broken heart…I fear sex for these things and more.

I want to do more research and find some facts and figures and actually explore the concept of casual sex, but for now I am just pouring my thoughts out as they come to get the conversation started and get this off my chest.  So what if I am old fashioned?  I still think sex is a big thing.

What do you think about sex?

***

I wrote for 5 minutes straight for Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  No edits, no re-writes.  Forgive spelling and grammar please.  Just what’s on the heart and mind.  It’s a great way to get it out!

As this new school year starts, I know many of you are nervous about sending your precious babies off to school.  I know that many kids are terrified at first.  I know that the drop off can be an emotional train wreck for mom and baby.  I also know that for almost all kids, it gets better.  Much better.  I say almost all because there are a very few children who, in my opinion, are ready later than others.  They just aren’t able to handle the stimulation of a classroom or the separation and the mornings do not improve. There are some tips to getting the most out of pre-school and helping your child to be ready and to be excited.  The first few days or weeks may still be tough, but in the end your child should have a wonderful time making new friends, learning to listen to teachers and taking their first jump into education.  You might just make a few new friends too!

I am not an expert with a degree, but I have sent three kids to pre-school in 4 years and I’ve got some of the basics down.  I would love to hear any other tips or suggestions too!

1.   Find a Pre-School:   To be more clear, find a pre-school you like and can afford.  These two things do not always come together, so be sure to talk about a budget and what you are looking for before you start looking.     There are a lot of checklists out there but for me, I want to like the location, the play areas, the director, the classrooms, the curriculum and the teachers!  Also, because we are interfaith and many of the pre-schools here are part of a church or synagogue, I need to make sure I am comfortable with any prayers or other religious lessons.

2.  Make a commitment:  Most schools will ask for a minimum of 2 days for 2 year olds, 3 days for 3 year olds and so on.  They are not doing this to take your money.  They learned the hard way that kids need to be at the school more than just once a week to feel like a part of the class and make the adjustment.   While some kids are fine with 1 day, they often don’t get the same interaction with the class or make the same friends.  They also take longer to adjust to some time away from home.  While it may seem like a lot, the hours go fast and the kids do make friends, learn colors, letters and numbers, work on communication skills and on being a part of a group.  It helps to make your kids a full part of the class.

3.  Get excited: Even if you are terrified and nervous, make school sound exciting.  Talk to your child about what they will be doing and ask them what sounds fun.  It is a great idea to prepare kids by getting part of the reading list and reading those books.  Kids love to see something familiar in a class.  The most exciting things for us have been the first backpack, picking out their water bottle every year and for Sophia (my 4 year old) choosing her outfit for the first day.  Whatever sounds up your alley, pitch it!  While you can and should acknowledge your child’s fears and agree that it is totally understandable to be nervous, focus on the cool parts and let your child see how excited you are.  It helps, I swear.

4.  Get ready and then stop: Get all your basics in gear but wait on stocking the entire list until the school year starts.  Everyone will bring wipes and sanitizer and Kleenex and crayons.  If you send in your change of clothes and a lunch and then ask the teacher what they need after a week or two, believe me, he or she will need something that was not on the list.  Also on getting ready, if you work full time and will not always be the one picking up or dropping off your child, I think it is a good idea to have your regular nanny or sitter meet the teacher (perhaps at the open house or with you one morning) so all of the primary caregivers for your child know each other and know the school’s routine.   Make sure that person’s name is on all the paperwork too.

5.  Get some sleep: School is new and exciting but it can also be tiring.  Your child may change his or her nap schedule and he may need a little more shut eye.  When fall comes we roll bedtimes from 8 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. and some nights even 7.  If your mornings are full of the crabbies and you are barely making out the door, getting a little more sleep in your little genius may help.  It helps to start a week or two before the end of summer, but this is tough.

6.  Go to school but…keep goodbyes loving and brief:  Goodbyes are never fun but for kids, the longer they are drawn out the worse they are.  Trust that you have chosen good teachers for your kids and when you read in the handout that they prefer for you to say goodbye, give hugs and leave, they mean it.  These people understand that kids get upset and they are ready to calm them down.  It is easier for them to do it if you are not there.  I know it can be scary and sad to leave them, but stay perky and tell them how much you love  them and that you will be back and go.  If there is ever a real problem, believe me, the teacher will call you.

7.  Keep up with your child and the teacher: Read the newsletters, talk to your kids about school, read the books they read if you can and most of all, be sure to keep up with your teacher.  Whether it is a quick update in carpool or a conference or an email, you can talk to your teacher about your child.  Believe me, you can learn a lot.  The teacher sees a whole new side of your child and as they prepare for going off to Kindergarten pre-school can be a great time to identify early strengths and weaknesses.  Besides the early learning benefits for my kids, this has been one of the best things about pre-school.

When you talk to your child, make sure to ask about activities and names and keep up with all the ups and downs.  Finally, if you have any concerns about bullying or aggressive teasing or rough behavior, talk to your teacher.  Kids will talk about these things and this is a time to stop this behavior before it takes hold and before your child either becomes afraid or becomes the mean one.

8.  Tape up that artwork and make some play dates: Your child is a pre-school rock star.  They are learning and growing and gaining just a little independence.   That’s okay.  That’s good.  They will always love you and you will get the best hugs when they come home!

I am sure there are a million suggestions and I’m curious to know: What advice do you have for moms prepping for preschool? Guess what?

Commenting here will give back to supporting literacy! 

KinderCare will choose one lucky participant and make donation in their name to the Reach Out And Read chapter of their choice!  How cool is that?  So hold back nothing moms and do what you do so well…tell us your advice!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of KinderCare. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Contest Rules.

Sophia my love,

5 years ago you were swimming in my body, just 20 days from being in my arms.

4 years ago you clung to our necks as we swirled you around in the pool and splashed in the ocean.

3 years ago you leapt off the side of the pool, your laugh filling the air, as you flew into our arms.

2 years ago you held on tight to our necks as we pulled you through the water.  We held you as you learned to kick and stroke.  You wanted to swim.

1 year ago you were proud of your skill with a floatie.  Without one, you began to swim.  From a short distance, you would swim into our arms, into safety.

We told you we would never let anything happen to you.  We told you that you could swim.  We made sure you knew you were strong enough.  Still, you wanted to swim to us and always back to where we were.  That was okay by us.

This summer you learned to swim away.  You cautiously let go of our necks, let go of the concrete walls, and embraced your new ability.  You worked hard, you had a goal.  If you could learn to swim across the pool without any help from anyone, you would earn your yellow band from the YMCA.  With that yellow band, you could go down the water slides.  By yourself.  Into water deeper than you are tall.

It took all summer, but you earned that band.  We are so proud of you.  It took strength and bravery and a new independence to finish that test.  And you did it.  You are amazing.

We just want you to know, as you swim away from us more and more each day, that we are  here for you.  No matter what, please know that we miss holding you tight and you are always welcome in our arms.  Even if you are getting all grown up…

We love you baby.

Mom and Dad

* I am linking up to the awesome Liz and Kristin for iPhone Photo Phun.  The first pic was taken with my husband’s blackberry and the second with some awesome camera app for my iPhone where pictures look almost as good as with my big girl camera.

Then, last week, I heard a bloodcurdling scream.

Sophia:  Mom!  Come here!  Help!

I ran to her room, afraid something terrible had happened.  I found her sitting on her bed, staring at a brush.

Me:  Sophia, is everything okay?

She looked up.  There were tears on her cheeks.

Sophia:  Mom, look at my brush.  It is taking my hair away.

I looked at the brush and observed the few shiny strands that so upset her.

Me:  Sophia, the hair that comes out when you brush is leaving the good hair to grow longer.  That hair in the brush will not grow anymore.   Don’t worry, it is normal.

Sophia:  Normal?  To lose hair?  Uh uh.  That is not okay.  I do not want to lose any hair.  That is ridiculous.  (Yes, she likes this word.)

Me:  Ridiculous is a bit dramatic sweetie.  What is your plan?  I don’t want you to cry over your beautiful hair.

Sophia.  It’s simple.  I am not brushing my hair anymore.  I am just going to let it grow.  That’s my plan okay?

Me:  I know you are upset babe, but your hair will grow.  It just might take longer than some of your friends.  Mommy’s hair took a long time to grow too.  It really would be better to keep brushing it to keep it healthy.

Sophia:  Uh uh.  I don’t want it coming out.

At this point I went the wrong direction.  I admit it.  Bad move mom.

Me:  Sophia, you have beautiful hair.  Some little girls are sick and have no hair.  They wear bandananas or wigs while they get better and they would be so happy to be healthy like you and have your hair.

Sophia:  What’s a wig?

Me:  It is hair that goes over your head to give you hair or make your hair look different.  A lot of healthy people grow their own hair as long as they can and then cut it all off to help people who don’t have hair.  Your cousin Claire did it.

Sophia:  No way.  I don’t want to cut my hair and I just want it long and it is my hair.

Me:  Okay Soph, it is your hair, and you don’t have to cut it. I was just telling you how lucky you are.   If it gets too snarly though, I am telling you even more will come out when we brush it.  And we will brush it.  At least one time each day.  I will be careful.

Sophia:  We’ll see.

We’ll see?  From a 4 year old?

Well, I choose my battles and I am not winning this one.  I thought it would blow over.  She looks like she has a bird’s nest on her head and she bawls when we brush her hair.  She insists on looking at the brush when we are done.  I have thus far refrained from telling her that she may draw bird poop, but I am close.  Even Ross is wondering what I am planning with this one.  Miles is 3 and thinks she looks funny.

Here’s the thing.  I have no plan.  I don’t want her to think I don’t listen and care and I don’t want a mama bird to lay an egg on her head either.  I also would just like her hair to look pretty.  Sue me.  I like that about having a girl.

Any ideas?  Can I keep the peace or must I attack her precious hair with a brush?  What  

This week we’re talking change.  We all know this word very well.  Please welcome Tracy from It Builds Character as she talks about how fast the changes come when we become parents. Tracy can be found on twitter as  @ChiMomWriter.  She is a former career gal trapped in a mom’s body. Hold the mom jeans. She’s a fundraiser, marathoner, wine drinker, and music lover. She has two kids, ages two and under.  She is heartfelt, funny, totally honest and I just love her to bits for being a big supporter of this What’s Your Word? series.  Basically, she is just awesome.

Change: In Tracy’s Words

Becoming a mother has been one of the loneliest experiences I’ve had.

Huh?

Let me insert all of the necessary caveats: I wouldn’t change it – I adore and love my kids. I enjoy being a parent. I love being at home with them, even though it doesn’t always seem like it.

I know this isn’t the experience that everyone has – And I also know I’m not the only one.

I love my kids.

But.

It’s one of the dirty little secrets that nobody wants to tell you about when you’re pregnant – I, like many, was thrilled to be “expecting” and spent 10 months rubbing my belly in anticipation. As I felt my baby grow, there was this feeling that I’d never be alone ever again. (If only that didn’t apply to the bathroom.)

In my previous life, I was a nonprofit fundraiser, and I loved what I did. My job was about people. Connecting. Helping.

I got pregnant. I made the city exodus. We bought a house. We painted the nursery. We learned about gutters and lawn mowers.

The plan was to go back to work. As it turned out, that wasn’t particularly practical. Between my husband’s and my schedules, commute times, and costs… Here I am.

Yep, there I was, and suddenly, I had a little human being in my arms (what felt like) every moment of the day… and there was no one around.

That’s a lot of change all in a span of months. I missed my job. No – correction: I miss my job. I miss being coherent and big-girl words. I miss feeling like I was making a difference.

You can’t say that to people. I realize that I’m shaping the lives of the two people most important in the world to me. But anyone who has been knee deep in diapers and baby vomit knows those feelings of being trapped in the movie Groundhog Day. You’re just not allowed to say it.

Being a parent tests your friendships. Most single friends didn’t know what to do with me, and even moms with school-age kids had the glorious amnesia to many of the details of these early times. I had to cancel plans, a lot. I couldn’t make it to outings last-minute. I was chronically low on sitters.

When I did get out to see friends, I swore I wouldn’t be the mom who only talked about my kids. But that’s 99% of my day, every day.

The phone stopped ringing, not that I’d generally find time to answer it anyway. I felt lonely and isolated, and more than that, irrelevant.

Like every chapter in our lives, though, there is an evolution to these changes. Now 2 1/2 years and two kids into this journey, I can see the bigger picture at work.

My circle of friends became smaller – That’s natural. But the friendships I’ve developed are closer and stronger. My “outer world” friends are gloriously patient with my cancellations and period of MIA-ness. My day-to-day parent-friends are incredibly broad in their parenting views, they’re helpful, supportive, fun, and we’re all allowed to show up and cry when warranted. More often than not, we’re laughing. Or at least rolling our eyes.

Becoming a parent, although an ongoing process, has allowed me to drop a lot of the dead weight in my life. I have to be focused and efficient. I have to pick and choose. If I decide to do something, it’s because I really want it.

I parent. I run. I fund raise. I write.

And I do connect. It’s taken time and it looks different than it used to. But it’s a skin that is becoming more comfortable over time.

What surprised you about becoming a parent?

***

Now it’s your turn! Link up your post on the word CHANGE anytime this week and include the badge above linked back to this site. The code is available on the sidebar. Please visit a few other posts and show some love. If you are tweeting about your own post or a post you found and love, please use the #whatsyourword hashtag so we can all follow along. If you are seeing the series for the first time, check out the What’s Your Word page for a little more information. If you have a word you know you want to be all yours, just shoot me an email to be the featured post for the week.

Next Week’s Word is Confidence!

It’s bathing suit time again, and this word stands out as something I need more of.  It is also something I want to show my kids.  While my thighs may be weighing on me lately, confidence is about more than how we look.  We need to be confident in ourselves and in our decisions.  We need to own who we are and love ourselves.  So whether you choose to be cheeky and talk about swimsuits or really dive in and attack this word, please tell me what this means to you!

Now link up for What’s Your Word? The Change Edition!