Image Credit: Safe Network

Perhaps we think our children are simply fighting back, or learning to stick up for themselves.

Perhaps we think kids will be kids and shrug off something that may seem like no big deal.

Perhaps we can’t imagine our child being the one who hurts someone else, and may or may not do it deliberately.

There may be many reasons we ignore early signs of bullying, but none of them are acceptable.  Without addressing mean behavior early, children learn that bullying is in some way normal and those that are bullied learn fear and loneliness and even at some point, self loathing.

Remembering

I remember being in 5th and 6th grade and being the girl “out” for a day or a week.  There were a few leaders of the pack and I suppose they chose whose turn it would be and for the one chosen to be out, life was miserable.  It was as if you had no friends.  The girls talked about you, made things up, said things to boys….and I, we, said nothing.  In fact, I am ashamed to say that when I was not out, I was confused and scared and did not stick up for other girls when it was their turn to be excluded.  I didn’t know what to do, and at that time a lot of adults said girls will be girls.  Soon this shall pass.

For some girls, it did not pass.  I remember girls transferring out of school for being mocked.  I know girls who tried to take their lives.  Bullying was the cause.

I remember the boys who got pushed around too.  For them, in my school, it was less an in or out thing.   Those who couldn’t cut it physically just seemed out.  For good.  There were some physical fights, but more, it was just a general lack of acceptance that I am sure broke their hearts.

Reflecting

Looking back on the childhood bullying I saw or experienced, I am thankful that for me, it went away.  I also look back further in my mind and know it started far before I felt it.  While we cannot always nip things in the bud, with bullying of any kind we must be vigilant.  Ignoring warning signs of your child being a bully or being bullied is simply not okay.

Yesterday I became one of the millions of people (5.7 million now) who watched 8th grader Jonah Mawry’s Video on YouTube.  This young man shared with the world the pain he experienced since his youth and the physical hard he caused himself as he contemplated suicide at a young age because he was mocked and hated at school and felt like he hated himself.  Then he shared that his life would not end and showed his last index cards reading “I am not going anywhere.  I have a million reasons to be here”.

Those million reasons and the bullying that almost moved him to take his life moved me to write about my own children.  We all have a million reasons to be here and should never be made to feel like we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not straight enough or not anything enough to live.

Reacting

I wrote a post in March of 2010 titles That Mean Girl is Mine in which I shared my then 3 year old was being very mean and excluding one specific girl at school.  It broke my heart to hear about it and to write about it, but I felt it was important.  Sophia has a strong personality and one that leans towards being a leader.  Leadership brings power over other people and in that nugget lies my fear.  Any power should be used for good, but we all know how easily cliques are formed and how very nasty they can be.  I simply will not allow actions of exclusivity to pass as anything other than unacceptable in my home.

Last week I overheard Sophia telling her brother about a club at school when he asked her why some people were mean to him on the playground.  Miles is 3.  Sophia said she could help him with whoever was being mean to him because she was in the “Bad Girl’s Club”.  He asked her why a certain girl was always nice to him and she told him that if they told her to mean, she would, because she always listened to them.  She proceeded to reveal who was in the club and that they planned things to do to people.  I was in shock.

I called her in and asked her to explain the club to me.  She blushed a deep and revealing red. I asked her how she would feel if someone was mean to her and she started to cry.  Thank God, she started to cry.  She said the club was new and that they didn’t actually do anything.  She said she did not make up the name.  She said it was not her idea.  It was no joke, I said, to make other people feel unloved.  Still red, she admitted she knew that, and said she was very sorry.

I asked her to tell me everything and I told her we needed to talk to the other parents and to her teacher.  She asked me not to tell Daddy.  I told her that we could both talk to Daddy and to her teacher.  I called the other mother that I knew and talked to her teacher the next morning.  Sophia’s teacher talked to the girl’s that day.  We talked with my husband later in the evening.

After speaking with her teacher, it became clear that this was not Sophia’s idea and that she did not plan the one attack the girls executed.  They chose people and attacked them with leaves.  You may giggle, but it all starts somewhere.  These girls are 4 and 5.  It doesn’t matter to me whether or not she did that one thing.  The fact that she would be in such a club warranted a serious response.

Now, there is no club.  All clubs in the 4′s class must include all kids or there will be no more clubs.  I guess they have a thing with clubs right now.

I thought for the moment, this was behind us.  The bullying stuff.

Then Miles became upset.  I picked him up from school and he said that he was sad on the playground.  He said there was a boy, the same boy who tried to pull his clothes off him on Halloween, who still tried to pull his pants down and also pushed him and his 2 best friends.  He said he got pushed down a lot.  Most revealing, I asked him if he was friends with this boy, as that can sometimes tell me if this is a playground thing.  Miles likes everyone.  He said they are not friends, that this boy is mean to him.  I did not leave carpool until I had spoken with a teacher.  I will talk to Miles’ teacher tomorrow.  You see, Miles could easily be bullied.  He is open-hearted and kind and not aggressive at all.  He does not thrive on competition and gets upset easily.  He could easily be picked on.  I will not let my son think I don’t care.  I will not assume this is a little kid thing and ignore it.  I have to address it.

I have to not only teach my children but protect them when I can.

Resolution

Whatever age your children are, please consider this an area of immense importance.  Bullying can go unnoticed by adults because it becomes so hidden in schools.  Listen to your kids if they still talk to you.  Let them know how much they are loved.  Speak to your kids about bullying from a young age.  Share the real value of kindness and inclusive behavior and model it at all times.

We need to do all we can to love our kids and show love to others.

Then, we need to work on preventing childhood bullying by teaching our children it is absolutely not okay to be mean physically or emotionally to others.  We need to teach our kids that people are different and that is good.  We need to prevent bullying when we can by being pro-active and responding to situations as soon as they develop.  Talk to your kids in words they understand.  Everyone knows what hurt feelings feel like.  These conversations aren’t always easy, but they need to be had.

Please intervene.  Whether it is my child or your child or a stranger, please get involved when you see or hear of bullying.  It is never okay.  Please understand that in bullying, kids often cannot work it out by themselves because there is an imbalance of power.  A dominant adult must step in – or guess who wins?

Be vigilant – follow up.  Like a hawk, I will keep my eye on this.  We will talk to our kids about their days, we will ask questions, we will care about their friendships and relationships.  I will talk to my kids and I will talk to their teachers.  When I hear something, even if it does not involve my kids, I will mention it to a teacher if it involves bullying.  This is not prying or tattling.  It is protecting.

It may not be a resolution but I resolved to fight childhood bullying with everything I have.  As my kids get older, it will only get harder.  As much as possible, I want them so see those million reasons to be here all the time and have the strength to see them even when things are hard.  I want them to see that others have a million reasons too.

Parenting is not easy and bullying may be one of the hardest issues we face.  I resolve to be on a campaign for nice with my family.  To show it, to talk about it, to reward it.

As I said before, make room at the the table.  Include others.  Be a friend.  This never goes out of style.

Here’s to acceptance, kindness and friendship.

Please share your own thoughts on raising kind children and dealing with the issue of childhood bullying.  It is real and terrifying what happens as our kids get older.  I would welcome any advice or comments.

Also, I do not ever ask, but please share this post.  Put it on Facebook, Stumble It, Tweet it….anything.  There are just too many parents who let this go too long.  It is critical that we help our children grow into respectful, kind, open-hearted people of the world.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Well, we use a lot paint, collect a lot of dirt, dump a lot of toys and miss a lot of toilet bowls but hey – I am teaching these kids to clean.  Sophia is 5.  Miles is 3.  Violet is 21 months.

How are we teaching them to do these dreaded tasks?  I have a couple of tips and I would love to hear yours!

First – taking responsibility for themselves and their things.

Have you ever said “I am not your slave?”  I have.  My mother did.  And guess what, sometimes I feel like it.  I get dragged around picking up after messes I did not make and it can make me mad.  Well, I told my two older kids to take care of their stuff including their beds, their clothing, their art boxes, their backpacks and their messes.  I was very clear and kept instructions simple.  I am not a total witch about it, especially since they are young, but we will delay play time until they have put their items in the laundry and yanked their sheets up.  I will always help as long as they are working.  You know what, this works.  They can do these things and it takes a little pressure off me.  These are not like allowance chores – these are just the basic things a person does to keep from living in filth.

Second – actually teach your kids to clean.

If you need to, teach your husband at the same time.  Today I gave him a toilet bowl lesson.  Kids cannot get excited about doing something well if they do not know how to do it.  I find that most little kids ask to help with what they consider “grown-up” tasks.  So, if you can pick out a few small things and show them the right way, you could end up with one less thing to worry about.  For example, my kids LOVE to dust.   I showed them everything that needs dusting and does not require them to climb on anything and they go at it.  I am impressed.  We gave them those swifffer wands and they are in heaven.  Some possible tasks for little kids include dusting, wiping off the kitchen table, sweeping with a small broom and anything else that is non-toxic and easy.  Oh – also – little kids can wipe pee off the toilet seat and / or the floor before they wash their hands.  It is just the right thing to do, you know?  Just teach them how and watch them do it and in time they will learn and be confident that they can help out.

Third – give them some cleaning goodies!

I already said how much the kids like dusting.  A big part of that is the dusting wand they use to do it.  It is not expensive and means they don’t need to spray anything to get the job done.  They each also have their own spray bottle that we usually fill with just water.   I am happy to go back over a wiped down surface with cleaning fluid.  They are over the moon when they are spraying down a table and then wiping it off.   Everyone is a fan of the little broom we have and they have tiny dustpans with brooms at Ikea for a couple of bucks.  So. Worth. It.  Sophia is 5 so she is allowed to help with the floors and the spray mop if I am there.  She also has an actual job.

Fourth – give them a job and hold them responsible.

Depending on their ages, kids can have a job or  number of jobs that are totally doable.  Sophia, at 5, is officially our Bathroom Counters Girl.  She also does toilet seats.  What a dear.  Basically, after teeth brushing is done Sophia takes a wipe and cleans the bathroom counters, sinks and faucets in the kids’ bathroom.  Miles can help at 3, but this is her job.  This way you never have any toothpaste buildup and believe me, small kids like to wipe things.  You could use a bath wipe or a baby wipe or the trusty water spray bottle with a sponge.  Your counters will be clean.  The key to this is its simplicity.  It is short, we need it done and she can do it herself with no frustration and no distraction.  We do it before bed so that there is no play time looming over her head.  You could have your own countertop kid or laundry sorter or baseboard duster extraordinaire in no time!

Fifth – make it fun!

When we are actually picking up a whole room mess (which happens all the time) or cleaning the whole house (this rarely happens) we like to shake it to some music on the old ipod.  My kids like to dance and sing as much as I do and it helps the time pass.  We also like to tell them how awesome they are when they do clean.  You know, brag on them a little.  They beam and we have made them happy to help again.   We do have rewards and are starting to offer Sophia some moolah for extra jobs.  The chore charts we have are not the most helpful for us, but simple rewards for a job well done are much appreciated and easier for us to manage than a big chart.  They know what jobs they are responsible for and they do put their little magnets on the chore chart, but we dole out rewards in more of a potty training type way.  Treats or stickers for a great job or extra playtime or an extra book for being extra helpful.  Incentive, however you choose to implement it, will help.  I have head with teenagers it is basically mandatory, so I am starting early.

Finally – manage your expectations.

Kids are kids – not professionals.  Small children can’t make a bed with nurse’s corners.  I am okay with them putting any blankets and pillows back on the bed and pulling the sheets and blankets up.  If I want a perfect bed, I will make it.  When my kids make the ugliest bed I have ever seen, I will gush and hug about how awesome they are.  In fact, Sophia has asked me about my special corners and baby, I cannot wait to show her how!  Small children may not put everything away in the perfect place, but if they are working at it who cares if some of the legos are in the dinosaur bin or a few pairs of socks are in the underwear drawer.  Set yourself up for small victories and rejoice in them.  You are teaching them to respect their home and their possessions and take care of things.  You are not trying to teach them to be perfect, because no one is, and then they are set up to fail.  If your small children are helping at all – consider this a big win!

Hopefully these tips will help you teach your little ones about keeping a picked up and clean house.  Now, just in case you have ever wanted a real professional to clean your house (angels are singing, right?), you have that chance right now!  Maybe you could have your kids watch them and learn a few tips!

Share your tips on teaching and encouraging kids to clean and win!

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Manners: Nina Style

Is encouraging our kids to become “little ladies and gentleman” an outdated concept or something not pushed enough by parents today? Given the way I used to mock my mother when I was a teenager, she won’t believe I think parents should teach manners often and as early as possible.

In the dating world my mom remembered, boys came inside the house and spoke to the parents before every single date. They opened doors, paid for an evening out, and generally called girls on the phone and not the other way around. By the time I was interested in boys (I was in high school and college from 1991-1999), it was common for girls/women to insist on splitting the check and even for some women to genuinely feel “offended” by the notion of having a door held open for her.

I’ll never forget how my mom grimaced at the idea of her daughters calling boys. I can only imagine what she thinks of the way young people communicate through texts and Facebook today and the general lack of “ladylike behavior” (as she would call it) that young women use when presenting themselves to the public. Of course she had rules for gentlemen as well. When a guy would pick me up for a date, even if it was a boyfriend I’d dated for over a year, she insisted he come to the door. One time when a date honked the horn and waited for me in the driveway, she guarded the door and wouldn’t let me out until he figured out to pick me up inside. It took him a long time to realize what he had to do, which begs the question: What were his parents teaching him about how to treat a lady? Or what were they not teaching him?

Now that I’m a parent, I appreciate my mom’s “old-fashioned” values. The crux of the issue is that good manners are not passed on to the next generation via osmosis.

One example of manners gone astray: Over the years I’ve had numerous children in and out of my house for play dates. Some kids say please, thank you, and no thank you. Some not only skip those basic manners, but literally stomp into my kitchen and demand a snack or even say, “What do you guys have?” I’ve seen some kids open and close my refrigerator repeatedly like a teenager might (my oldest is not even seven nor are his friends).

Believe me, I’m not judging the parents. Despite the constant discussions my husband and I have with the kids (even the 2-year-old) about good manners, I’ve seen my four-year-old walk into the pantry at a friend’s house and start looking through the shelves. Our almost-seven-year-old has never seen a napkin he intends to use and constantly interrupts adults. Nevertheless, I don’t think the fight for good manners is either hopeless or pointless. As they get older, we hope our kids will hear our message that certain behaviors are rude and unbecoming. We use the terms “lady” and “gentlemen” with our kids all the time. I find myself saying potentially “old-fashioned” statements like “ladies first” or “a gentlemen opens the door for his sisters.”

I’d love to hear other parents’ feelings on kids’ manners today. Do kids seem ruder because parents are not pushing manners enough? Do the expectations or lack of expectations at schools contribute to the problem? Do you think I’m crazy to consider the state of manners a “problem” in the first place? Looking forward to the discussion!

Now it’s your turn! Link up your post on the word MANNERS anytime this week and include the badge above linked back to this site. The code is available on the sidebar. Please visit a few other posts and show some love. If you are tweeting about your own post or a post you found and love, please use the #whatsyourword hashtag so we can all follow along. If you are seeing the series for the first time, check out the What’s Your Word page for a little more information. If you have a word you know you want to be all yours, just shoot me an email to be the featured post for the week.

Show me your Manners, leave a lovely comment and get ready for another round.

Next Week’s Word is Change!

I think this is perfect word for everyone, but for mother’s especially.  My kids changed me forever.  My life changed forever.   Some of those changes were (and are) not easy.  Write about what you feel or post a pic or a vlog!  I love to hear your voices and see those faces!

Now Link Up for What’s Your Word? The Manners Edition!

So What’s My Genius Tip?

It can be hard to manage a family and keep rules you are comfortable with as a parent while letting your kids feel like they are contributing and having their say.  I suggest a very simple set of non-negotiable rules and a weekly family meeting to chat about those things that might just not be the end of the world if they changed. The family meeting lets everyone know that there is a time and place to question the current structure and gives everyone a platform…no matter how small they or their grievance may be.

Sometimes as parents we make such a big deal out of sticking to our guns when what we are sticking to isn’t worth it. So my genius tip is a spin on the classic “choose your battles” line. Because really, the battles are SO exhausting!

Bring Back the Family Meeting and Let Your Kids Be Heard!

Here’s how it works.

First, you must decide what rules are absolute in your home.  For us and our small children this includes things like always wearing bike shorts under dresses while at a playground (this can still be a battle) and picking up before we play outside.  It also has musts like bike helmets and absolute nos for language.  We do not take the Lord’s name in vain.  We are big on the commandments in general.  So far there’s no murder so we’re good there.  We also do not say the word hate unless we are talking about hate.  Something has to be really awful to hate it, and we don’t hate people, so it’s out.  I assume as they get older the musts will include things like homework and chores and eventually dating rules and such.  I am terrified.

Second, make a chart or have a board with those few absolutes displayed.  I don’t think this list should be very long, but these are the things that just will not fly in your house.  They are the non-negotiables.

Third, Make a list of the current rules in your house.  This could include rules around bedtime, kids activities, chores, television or video game privileges, curfew, driving privileges, or having friends over.  These are things that sometimes might change and that can be discussed as long as everyone is together and calm and comes to an agreement.

Finally, make a time every week or so to sit down and talk as a family.  Ask if there is anything coming up that might bend the rules and if everything is working for the family.  You will be amazed at what your kids have to say.  Of course you don’t have to agree to everything, but giving them a chance to come to you with what they thin is important in making them feel heard.

Here is a very simple example.  Dora’s Ballet Adventure was coming on at 8 p.m.  That is the children’s bedtime and we don’t watch T.V. at night.  Both Sophia and Miles were very excited about this and asked me if they could have a special night and stay up late to watch.  After some consideration, I said that as long as they were totally ready for bed and we had already read books and they were not behaving like over-tired monsters, that it would be okay.   Sophia actually thanked me for being so understanding.

We also have a rule about kids activities.  You sign up.  You go.  No questions asked.  I moved this rule to the discussion area when my 4 year old came to me calmly with some concerns about her ballet class.  I am so glad I had a place to listen to her.   I let a 4 year old have a say and we are all better for it.

Clearly this works even better for older kids who will need to come to you in advance to ask for a later night out or a movie that is rated R or a party they have coming up.  If it clear that you prefer to make exceptions with advance notice, perhaps you will be able to avoid some of those “I hate yous” that come when you say no to that last minute request for an extra two hours out.

We are just trying to start early so as they grow up then know when and where they can challenge the rules and we can avoid questioning my authority 30 times a day.  So far, it’s working and we are all happier for it!

So let me know what you do to keep the rules and keep the peace and you could win big from Kenmore!

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Share your quick genius tip with us:

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kenmore. The opinions and text are all mine.

How can a family find time to build their family structure and rules together? How can this time be successful and give everyone a sense that they are an important part of the family?  This is my family decision time challenge.

Stay tuned next month to read my Genius Tip on how I beat this challenge!  It’s a good one!

Share your big family decision challenge with us below. Do you have control of how family rules are made and changed? Do your kids have any input? Share your challenge!

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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Kenmore. The opinions and text are all mine.

Sophie's Mean Face

Sophia talks about the new girlall the time. She wants her to be the new BFF and come to her tea party. It is going to be Sophia, one old friend and the new girl. Turns out that means her other friend is out. Literally – Sophia told her that the empty seat their table was not for her – she was out. Only room for 3. Sophie actually laid herself over the chair. She lost her time in the gym and sat with the teacher. I almost lost my lunch.

WTF? I was instantly transported back to Heathers, back to Molly Ringwald, back to Mean Girls. I was immediately feeling the nausea I can still remember from my youth.  I always had a lot of friends, but we moved a lot, and I was always one of the first ones out when the girls got nasty. 

And yes, girls do get nasty.  From a very young age they form cliques.  They learn that skinny is good and long hair is good and nice clothes are good (this is one of the only pictures I have of Sophia in pants).  And when they form cliques and see special groups they see power – they know how it feels to lead the masses – and how it feels to be left behind. 

Sound dramatic? To a little girl, or a junior high schooler, or a teenager – IT IS LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD.  Even if you have good friends and you know who you are – to be the target of the mean girls is a huge fear.  From reading the news you all know to be a target of any bully is now a very dangerous game. 

Our children are precious and whether they are 3 or 10 or 16 the emotional stakes are high.  I firmly believe we need to guide them from an early age to include others and act with kindness to ALL.  I think we should ask about their friendships and pay attention to the dynamics.  Whatever side our kids are on we need to guide them with love, and discipline, when necessary. I have to believe that as a mother I can make a difference.

My biggest parenting fear beyond my children’s health  is to have kids who are mean to others, who are exclusive instead of inclusive.  Kids who are selfish and mean.  This kind of child would break my heart.

So I talked to Sophia about feelings and about kindness.  We did not do any other punishment at home.  She was punished with a time out at school.  She cried.  She told me she knew she was being mean and she wanted to make the rules.  Both Sophia and her friend have strong personalities.  I knew part of this had to do with Sophia being the boss.  I told her about how important friends were and how we don’t always get to pick the rules.  I told her how we love all of our friends even if they are different from us.  I told her we need to always make room for others at our tables.

I hugged her and asked her if she was mean to her friend.  She said yes, and my heart broke a little.  But then, she said she did love her friends, and that she wanted to be a nice girl. 

I kissed her and said she would have to be nice or we would not have a real tea party at the house.  I’m the mom so I can say that kind of thing and be mommy – not bossy – you know.  She is only 3, so she said I was kidding and laughed at me and then she saw I was not kidding.  She stopped laughing.  she REALLY wants to have a fairy tea party at the house.

For the time being, I think she will be nice.  We’ll see what happens as she “blossoms”.

Now, as a grownup, I am going to apply the same rules in my own life.  Be a friend to everyone.  Let others be the boss. Make room at the table.  These simple things never go out of style. 

Here’s to acceptance, kindness and friendship.

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In big news…and I promise a video is coming tomorrow…my giant now toddler Miles is actually toddling.  At almost 30 pounds and 30 inches he is a giant little man and he is FINALLY almost walking.  Sophia walked at 11 months.  This guy is so big he barely moved at 11 months.  I am praying that when he walks he will get his face out of the mud on the ground and we may be able to spend some time outside without me having to pull bugs out of Miles’ mouth.  With my general nausea this would be greatly appreciated.  I am really grossed out by the stuff that I have taken out of his mouth.  This is a huge step!

Unfortunately, all of the positive is almost outweighed by the attitude my absolutely adorable 2 year old is toting around.  I may have to do as my mom always threatened and sell her to the gypsies!  She will not go anywhere without a full tutu or a dress on.  A party dress in her words.  It does not matter to her that this means her tush is chapped from all the trips down the slide and burning hot swings.  As a joke I told her that “Beauty is Pain” while doing her required ponytail.  She did not forget his and quotes it to me when I ask her to at least put shorts on under her dress.  She must always have jewels on, or if Miles is in reaching distance, in her purse so he cannot touch them.  These jewels consist of Mardi Gras necklaces and some costume jewelry from her Nanna as well as 3 plastic silver rings with heart jewels in the middle.  She must always have a purse with her…at all times.  She is on a sort of hunger strike that could rival Gandhi yet she always says she is hungry.  She just refuses to eat.  Unless it is an apple.  Okay so she is not Gandhi.  But one must eat more than apples.  She whines and whines and whines through time outs through quiet time through anything that is not what she wants to be doing.  We can fill a whole day with activities she loves and in the 5 minutes I have to take to pee or to get something for Miles she will be whining.  She has not taken a nap (other than the one I mentioned on Saturday) since she turned 2.  Seriously.  And we have tried everything.  Brushing her teeth would qualify for the WWF – toddler style.  It is a fight.  Her bedtime routine is never ending and I can’t figure out how to cut it off.  I could go on but I feel bad now.  

Besides these problems, she is a beautiful girl who is completely potty trained and has a good singing voice.  She knows a lot of songs and will use them to console babies who are crying.  She loves babies.  She can speak extremely well and is very funny, if extremely bossy.  She likes to be called Sophia but never addressed as or called a “kid”.  She will let you know that she is a Princess, a Mermaid and Kitty Cat but not a kid and never a boy.  This is more funny than annoying.  She is incredibly social and l love that she loves to hang out with little kids, big kids and grown ups.  She loves dancing and doing gymnastics moves.  She loves tea parties and talking on the phone.  She loves to brush my hair.  She is my best friend…she is just…a little bratty.

How do you control the bratty in really headstrong kids without curbing their creativity and enthusiasm?  Suggestions welcome!

Unbelievable you say! Well tonight (actually the whole day) was one of those nights. Obviously with the bad news about the bank and all, the day was terrible to begin with. The news broke early too – so it has been the whole day. There were so many things wrong with today…

First, Lily had night terrors last night and Miles ate every 2.5 hours all night so I was absolutely NOT well rested.

Second, our HVAC is still not there due to the previous flooding of the basement and our need for VERY expensive repairs and today it got over 80. Well after a week of no AC today it finally hit. The house was, and is, HOT!

Third, Katie (my sister) has class tonight, as she does 3 nights a week, and I have all 4 kids. My two and her two. That is 4 kids under the age of 4.

Fourth, we seem to have cockroaches galore since the work in the basement started and I am not a fan. Even if people here in the Carolinas call them Palmetto Bugs to be cute, they are abhorrent nasty things that make me totally grossed out.

Fifth, Wachovia, our bank and the bank that employs my husband, was bought by Master of the Banking Universe, Citigroup. Enough said.

So with those 5 major things wrong, I thought I would make life easier on myself by giving the kids waffles for dinner. I could not cook and risk creating more heat in the house and I figured that something sweet for dinner would be my way into an easy night. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

The kids were terrible. They screamed at me that they were not hungry at dinner time so we went on a walk as I did not want to push the very sensitive dinner issue. The walk started out okay until all of the ones that can walk decided to disobey. A neighbor had to walk us home. When we got home there was a trash bag left in the lawn by the HVAC people. This not only was a big hit that they fought over even while I was trying to scream that they absolutely could not play with a trash bag, but the reason it was so fun was because when opened it they were trying to put it on top of each other and kill themselves. While for a moment I thought hmmm…it would be quieter, I do not want any of them to suffocate so I had to forcibly remove the trash bag from their grasp. Again, this was with my neighbors help. By this point, Baby Miles was screaming. He, unlike the others, is always hungry and eats what I feed him. At this point I think please God, it must be 7 o’clock and nearing bedtime once we eat. NOPE! It was just barely 6.30. I thought I could die right there.

We finally get inside and the kids say they are hungry. Hallelujah! Now I will be the greatest gal in the world and serve them waffles which they will gobble up with gratitude. Miles will have applesauce, we will read books and go to bed.

HA!

The waffles did not have enough syrup and because I was tired, I succumbed and put more syrup on the plates.  Sam and Lily were eating their waffles.  Sophia was only licking up the syrup by running her hands through it and then sucking it off her fingers.  She said she was like Miles, who uses his fingers to put the food back in his mouth that has come out due to his tongue reflex, which he has not quite perfected.  It was nasty.  She would not touch the waffles…only the syrup. 

When Sam and Lily were done with their waffles, the egregious amount of syrup I provided allowed them to do the same.  While they were all laughing hysterically, I felt like crying.  It was a mess and it had not worked.  Sophia had only eaten sugar and was growing more awake by the moment.  Yes, it was a stupid and un-thought out choice for dinner.  And it backfired.  Eventually they were climbing on the table with the syrup and I had lost all control of the situation.  They were still laughing. 

Then the phone rang.  While I would not normally answer the phone during this sort of commotion, it was my friend who had just had a a baby girl and I wanted to say hi and then call him back.  The kids were covered with syrup and so I asked them to get wipees, something they love to do, and wipe off their hands.  They ran off gleefully and I took a moment to talk to Jeff.  Then I heard the water running.  They had all decided to wash their hands.  All of them, together in the bathroom, perched on the stool, throwing water and soap everywhere, including in their eyes.  I had to hang up because the situation was precarious.  I had to get the water and soap off the kids and out of their eyes while getting all three of them out of the bathroom without any going back in and make sure that door was good and shut and that the syrup was actually off their hands.  I did not even worry about the water all over the bathroom.  That will wait.

After this it was still not bedtime but it did not matter because it took me 30 minutes to get them all up the stairs without any of them coming back down and then another 3 or 4 trips up the stairs to break up fights between the twins and sing the Barney song to Sophia.  Miles was screaming this whole time.

So finally they are asleep.  I finally gave Miles the boob and he is asleep for the moment.  And now I will try to eat some cheese and crackers and watch Desperate Housewives before I hit the hay.  If Miles does not wake up first and want some food.

So no, waffles did not work.  Nothing did.  It was just one of those days.

Right now we have my sister Katie (will be contributing soon) and her 3 year old twins living with us while she finds a new place to live in Charlotte.  We live in a bungalow in Elizabeth that seemed large before we had kids, seemed just about right with 2 kids and now feels rather tight.  Now, I know that we are blessed to have this wonderful home and I know that we have more than others, but still, it is hard to count my blessings some days with all the screaming and gymnastics and messes that go on.

We have the time out corners down, we have a dinner time and play time and bed time ritual: all is going well.  We really feel like we are doing well with 4 kids under 4 in one house. 

Then, out of the blue, we are driving in the car and Sam, my nephew says “Shut the F*#@ up!” .  We almost crashed.  While I do not have a perfect mouth, I do not say this.   This is really bad.  Even though we are in the car, we are afraid that someone has heard this foul potty mouthed boy.   There was no need to ask him “What did you just say?” as it was clearer than any word he has ever spoken (of course).  So we responded by telling him that was a bad word and that when we use words like that we need to go to time out and take a break from play.  Lily (Sam’s twin) told us a boy in daycare had said this word and got a time out.  We said thank you Lily for exposing the teacher of the word, and re-iterated that Sam would have a time out when we got home.

The problem is, time out did not work.  This phrase was so upsetting that immediately all of the kids learned that it got our attention faster than anything else.  And so, our brilliant time out corner failed.  Sam sat down and seemed quiet until we realized he was whisepring this dirty little phrase and smiling.  Now we were stuck.  He was sort of being quiet but the little noise that was coming out was terrible and he was enjoying saying this and both Sophia and Lily kept laughing at what he was whispering.  It was like this dirty word was a magnet.  Previously, all the kids knew to stay away from those in time out.  Now, our beautiful structure was gone.

Katie decided that it was not okay even to whisper and told Sam that he should not use that word, even in a whisper, and that he would have to start his 3 minutes over.   Well, he gave a monster look to us, took a deep breath, and screamed that nasty phrase at the top of his lungs.  Over and over.  We were all stunned!

The house has never seemed smaller.  My neighborhood seemed small at this moment as I was sure everyone could hear this terrible outburst.  We did not know what to do.  When I was little I definitely would have gotten a spanking or, more likely, have my mouth washed out with soap.  The pic above is from the movie “A Christmas Story” – not our home.   In this day and age, those options are off the table so we were stuck with time out.  We told Sam that we do not speak to boy who use that language and that when he was ready to speak like a big boy we would talk to him.  Really I think we both had a slight urge after many minutes of just saying it right back to him, but we refrained as we summoned every ounce of adulthood we possess.

It took Sam about 20 minutes of screaming this to finally calm down.  We are dealing with these outbursts and they are getting shorter but they still happen.  Children’s counselors say that it normally gets worse before it gets better so we are waiting.  And cringing each and every time this comes out.  I just pray that he does not say it in front of people, but I am sure this is a wasted prayer.  Kids repeat what they hear and they seem to find really shocking things more interesting than the regular old conversation.

Life as a mom or aunt or any guardian is never easy, but this is the worst yet.  I will let you know if we survive.  Right now I want to crawl into an unoccupied corner of my house and dream of having a really obedient toddler.