I am not one to curse on my blog or out loud much really.  In my head it is a whole different story, but that is beside the point.

There is no other word but shit for our weekend.  It was everywhere.  Literally.

Violet is all good with pee pee in the potty and she just LOVES wearing undies.  She even potty trained her doll.  How sweet is she?

What she doesn’t relish is putting her nasty poop in that potty and it is driving us crazy.  It doesn’t matter if she has undies or a pull up on, she goes right in it and then takes it off with shit going everywhere and then sits on the potty, spreading the nasty all over everything.  Of course, I thought, the solution is simple.  She can be as naked as the day she is born and I will follow her around like a hawk.  When she makes that very obvious shit face, I will place her on the potty and she will learn.  It is not rocket science, right?

It could have worked, but Miles got sick this weekend. He came into my room late Friday night saying his body hurt and I heard the sound of his stomach turning.  In order to save my bed I sacrificed the carpet.  I spun him around (that’s the gentle way of putting it.  We have a brand new bed.) and he threw up all the way from my bed to the bathroom and to the potty.  He had nothing left.  It was all on the carpet.  We cuddled him and cleaned him and changed him and then I spent an hour cleaning our carpet, but I knew that this stain, like the ones in the other bedrooms, would be nearly impossible to get out.

On Saturday morning I was performing my hawk like observation of Violet when I head Miles cry out, “Mom, my toots are exploding!”.  I glanced at Violet and ran to see Miles trying to run down the hall with diarrhea running down his pant legs.  He started bawling and Ross and I were at a loss for a moment.  Don’t be shocked, we love him but that was just a lot to take in and we had to figure out a plan for getting him out of his clothes.  It turns out there is no good way and we all ended up covered in shit.  Thank God I rolled up my sleeves.  Miles’ clothes were not salvageable.  In fact, we have sacrificed 3 pairs of pants completely this week.  They were not worth saving, I promise.

This whole horror story lasted only a few minutes when we remembered Violet.  We looked in and she looked fine and happy.  Then we saw the floor.  Littered amongst the logos and the figures was a bunch of scattered turds.  One she had stepped in.  As gross as this was, it was better than the previous accident.  She looked at the poop and started to pick it up to put it in the potty.  At that moment I almost threw up too.

Needless to say, I cleaned a lot of floors Saturday morning.  I cleaned a lot of body parts.  I cleaned a lot of toys.

Let’s just say Miles got antibiotics and they have made him feel better but his toots keep exploding.  And he keeps yelling “exploding toots mom!”.

It’s been a long few days.

You might be wondering about the sunshine?  Well, first, we are getting there on the potty training.  That will be a big amen moment! Even better though, after 6 years in this house with carpets that have always needed replacing, we are getting new carpet!  My big wish got moved to the top of the list when we surveyed the damage of the past few days coupled with all the stuff that came on the carpet from the previous owners with 5 dogs.  It’s hard to move “not needed” things up the list with my husband, but this few days of shit totally did it!

I will totally be posting the whole before and after on Tip Top Nest, so I hope you can check it out!  It is my brand new home blog.  So there’s some sunshine too.  I love it!

I am off to continue moving all of the furniture out of the bedrooms.  I hope you are having a much less shitty time than I am!

She had a mystery rash covering her body.  This photo was taken a little before 9 a.m.  By 10 a.m. the rash had spread to her face and the entire red portion was becoming brighter and very swollen.  Of course I called the doctor instead of typing my fears to Dr. Google when I saw the nasty red area was surrounding her eyes.

$25 Bucks for Mommy Guilt and a Mystery

Of course, as usual after you pay $25 dollars to see a professional and not the free Dr. Google, the problem is completely your fault and basically untreatable.  Violet has hives.  She is allergic to something and I am supposed to figure out which one of the million things that child touches or puts in her mouth causes this outbreak.  I am supposed to go through these million things with the knowledge that 2/3 of the time, according to the real doctor, we will never figure out what the offensive item is.

If we cannot deduce by amazing sleuthing what item causes this and it remains all over her body in 2 freaking weeks, then we will go to the allergist.  So you know, the Dr. said that often this also yields no additional information but for the list of terrible possible allergies my child might have.  Let me just say we run the gamut of allergies in this family already.  Shellfish, bees, nuts, and even grass run in my husband’s lovely blood.  Awesome.  I’m pretty sure that $50 specialist co-pay would lead to something just awful.

So we begin the process of watching every single thing she touches and hoping that this goes away so she can enjoy her 2nd birthday on Thursday.

A Molloscum is Better than a Nipple

The day got even better when I asked about the bumps on Miles’ legs that have recently become very painful and irritated.  I was told he has very common internal virus that produces wart like bumps called Molloscum Contagiosum.  About 50% of children will get them but Miles has extremely sensitive skin and as his immune system recognized these molloscums (yuck!) it did what it was supposed to and started to attack them.  Now the back of his legs is a bloody infected mess and according  to the doctor I should be cheering on his immune system for finally getting it right.  This is less than a huge Wahoo in my book.

What we are really pumped about is the fact that we thought that one of those molloscum on his chest, after a few glasses of wine, looked a lot like a third nipple.  Well we all know from Chandler on Friends that a third nipple is like totally uncool and people just want to see it and whether or not is has hair and they call it a nubbin to make it cute and well, we just hoped he didn’t have one.  We would have loved him and his third nipple, but we are happy with that molloscum that will go away after his body physically attacks and mutilates it.

Now Investing in Band-Aid and Really Cool Pants

As you may have guessed, that whole contagiosum thing means this can be spread and so, for Miles to go to school, his third nipple like molloscum will need to be covered with a water tight bandaid and he will need to wear pants to cover his knees.  Let’s hope these babies go away before the southern summer roasts my poor little guy.  Good news is this type of bump is not spreadable to me or to other grownups unless we have a compromised immune system.  So, last night’s cuddle fest will not give me the bumps.  However, there are no more baths together, which will devastate Miles and he has to wear his long pants or jammies while playing with the girls.  Poor kid.  He loves nothing more than being naked.  So this blows.

As far as illness and affliction, I know this is small potatoes compared to some stuff out there, and I am grateful that our illnesses are more gross than serious.  Still, could today have sucked much more? Probably not.

I am off to make lists of a million possible allergens.  I hope you have something more fun on your agenda.

I think us moms have a great deal to do with whether or not our little men who love to help grow into big men who know how to do complicated things like plug in the vacuum and walk around pushing it over dirt or put dirty clothes in that big metal thing, add soap and turn it on. We can even teach them that with a dry cloth and a little spray of pledge they can remove that nasty stuff called dust on their own nightstand or giant television.  We mothers are powerful people, you know.

Clearly, my mom knew what she was doing when she gave my toddler brother Graham a Eureka vacuum.  She was making him a real man.  That’s her supervising his first vacuum lesson.  Can I get an amen!

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My brother Graham has been in Charlotte for the past few months after serving our country in Kuwait, Afghanistan, Iraq and Korea.  He is getting back on his feet after losing many friends, being medically retired from the United States Army, being diagnosed with P.T.S.D.,  and struggling as a veteran to find his way without his army family.  He is amazing in so many ways and we are happy to help him out here in Charlotte.  Not only is he fantabulous to have around with the kids (yes, he babysits and is way more fun than me) but he is a real man….one who knows his way around a vacuum.

Mom, you would be proud.  We left for a week for Disney and when we came back my baby brother Graham had cleaned our entire house.  Vacuumed, dusted, swept, picked up and basically rocked my world.  Ususally we reutn from vacations to the crapper we left with the rush of packing visible in every room.  This time we came home to a heavenly house.

Thank you Graham.  We all love you.  You are going to make some lady very lucky someday.  And not just because you can clean.

Parents…teach your men to vacuum.  It is a skill that will always be appreciated, never make him look like a wuss and hey, if he resists, treat that baby like his first power tool.  What’s more manly than that?

You should try this one on your husbands as well.  Tell them you think it is hot.  I think it is when my husband cleans.

Good Luck!

p.s. Graham has invented at least a dozen physical games for the kids that they BEG for.  I should post those don’t you think?  Another perfect addition to your honey do list.

Hard to be a wife. Hard to be a mother. Hard to be a friend. Hard to be a writer. Hard to be me.

You see, I was going all gangbusters and ready to share with you the news of our 4th baby when I found out that our beautiful child would never make it to us.  Everything stopped for me.  Instead of bursting with joy I was overcome with grief.  The day I started writing about our new addition was the day I found out that I would instead be saying goodbye.

I want to connect again.  I want to share our moments and yours.  First, I need to let go of this anger and hurt and work from a place where my heart is again open. I was not going to post the following, but I think it might help me to share my darkest moments so that I can again relish the many joys I have.

Here is my heart. I will re-build myself.

I have been in and out of everything lately.  My life, my friendships, my blog, my marriage and yes, my mothering.  Lately isn’t even the right word.  We lost our baby to a fetal teratoma months ago.  That’s a tumor.  This tumor is called an epignathus.  A tumor growing out of my baby’s precious mouth.  Since then I have been shitty at everything.  I am left feeling heartbroken about losing that child and then guilty because my parenting and wife-ing has been so far below par for the last 5 months.

I look at women who have lost children and I am amazed at how together they seem.  I can’t even imagine that grief.

I remember my past miscarriages and wonder how I got over those.  I think I only barely started to move on when we had another baby.  This time I am not sure another baby will come.

I keep talking to people and reading posts from people who are pregnant, planning to have another or done.  They seem to know where they stand.  And then I barely keep myself from crying over my response as I approach our due date in February and know that I do not want to be done.  That I wanted that child.  That I might always want another baby.

See, I can’t find the bandaid.  I don’t know what will stop this pain.

Losing that baby took any semblance of thick skin from me and crushed it.  Now, I am fragile when I want to be strong.  I am sensitive and my heart bruises easily. I cry a lot and worse than that, I have been raising my voice, yelling, because all of my anger can’t stay inside.  I feel ashamed.

I have not written very much because I did not want to burden anyone with my grief and be that totally depressing woman who can’t stop crying about that baby when she already has 3 beautiful children.  Well, that’s me.  Totally beaten by the end of most days, and some days from the moment my eyes open.  I can’t let go.  I can’t move on.  I am not okay with it.  I am angry and hurt and confused and I am terrified.  Because it is not really getting better.

And I have not been talking about it. Now I am letting it out and hoping that I will begin to see myself again soon.

I want to be better and I want anyone out there who has felt this way to know that you are not alone.  That is why I am writing this down.  Because this loss is real and because it does not just go away.  It helps to share, and I am taking that first step.

I know that it has to get better.  It just has to.

My husband loves me.  My kids love me.  My friends love me.

I love me.

I know I will be okay.  It will take time.  More than I ever thought, I suppose, but I will be okay.  I will re-build my emotional life.  I know I am a good friend, a good wife and a good mother.  I need to ask everyone for patience and understanding and just do my very best.

Because my best is enough.  I am enough.

If you have experienced the loss of a baby, know that you can share your experience and that you are not at all alone.  Please visit Unspoken Grief, a community for healing after the pain of a miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal loss.

I remember playing games with my family since I was little and to this day, it is one of our favorite things to do.  Now that I have kids, I love them even more.  Not kidding – this is just the grown-up games.

Top 8 Reasons Board Games Rock for Families:

1.  They do not cost a bajillion dollars a game.  In fact, many are really inexpensive, especially for kids’ games and they can be played over and over.  Perhaps because it is people playing board games with each other and not a computer, they just don’t get old.

2.  They are fun!  Yes, playing games with other people is awesome.  Families sometimes get stuck in ruts together and everyone goes their own way.  Throw everyone on the floor or around the table and play with each other.  This is one of those times when people come together and have fun.  Yippee!

3.  This is healthy competition.  Instead of who is better at soccer or piano or who has the better job or is the better cook – just throw out some chips and play a fair game that determines who rules the world at Monopoly (my husband) or Boggle (me) or Scrabble (toss up).

4.  You totally learn things.  Even as a grown-up I learn facts in games like Trivial Pursuit, strategy in Monopoly or Axis and Allies, and words in my favorites, boggle and scrabble.  Play some operation and learn body parts!  Guess what, your small children can learn too!  With games like Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land the kids learn counting and rules.  They learn directions like forward and backward.  They learn coordination with a lot of building games.  They also learn to fly solo and be their own character for the game.  Without mom or dad, they can play and win or lose.  This is no small thing.

5.  Everyone can play.  Using teams, even our kids can join in on fun with harder games and they love being part of the grown-up activities.  They can move the piece, roll the dice, be the money keeper.  This way you don’t have to play Candy Land all day and your kids can still play with you!  When visiting my 96 year old grandfather I realized how important games are.  He can still play them.  He remembers the rules and you don’t need to talk that much to play.  He doesn’t hear well.  My husband and I spent an entire day with him playing games and enjoying his company.

6.  Board games make better people.  You know with games and cards, kids learn really fast how to cheat.  They want to win and of course, no one wins all the time.  Very early on, Sophia bent the edge of a certain Candy Land princess card accidentally because she used to carry the card around.  Then, I figured out that she was purposely looking for that card and pulling it.  We talked about cheating.  We talked about winning and losing.  I bent a lot more cards to make it fair.  It is interesting because I have totally seen grown ups try to bend the rules of board games and flat out cheat.  Playing in a group and talking with your kids about games helps them to grow and learn.  It also reminds and grown ups that playing fair is always the best way to play.

7.  Board games can travel.  At a big family get together bring one or two along and you will be set for some great entertainment.  They easily pack in the bottom of a suitcase.  Sometimes you need to leave the box at home but hey – whatever brings the bonding, right?

8.  Board games make great memories and make people want to get together.  This is real quality time.  Get to know your family all over again.

A Few Tips for Board Games with Smaller Children:

1.  Store your board games where they cannot reach them.  Many a game has been destroyed using the pieces in the dollhouse and the money in the dress up purses.  I used to find cards all over the house and never be able to put a whole game back together.

2.  Don’t push them too far.  If kids aren’t having fun the game really may be above them or frustrating them because it is too complicated.  As long as people are having fun, keep going, but consider choosing a different game or switching to a puzzle if kids are not happy.

3.  Consider some house rules.  Think about the game and maybe simplify it a little.  It works for a lot of games.  Basically you just take out some of the work or strategy.  Maybe people can see what other people have.  Perhaps you shorten the game.  Many games come with a shortened version.  It is easy to use the board and the pieces and make up some rules.  Try it sometime!

I hope you have a wonderful time playing games with your own family and friends.  Unplug and enjoy a little good old fashioned fun!

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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of LEGOSystems. The opinions expressed by me do not necessarily reflect the view of the LEGO Brand. Official Contest Rules

Sophia looked at me with disdain and said, “hey mom, just open their legs up all the way and then they can sit.  That’s the only way they don’t fall over”.

I did it and instantly saw a brothel of tiny winged ladies of the night.  Ladies that spread like gymnasts and are tiny as toothpicks with unflappable boobs.  Lovely.

I always wondered how the girls played with their set of fairies.

There’s only so much you can do in the air.

Now I don’t even want to know.

*I am linking this awful iphone picture up to the #iPPP iPhone Photo Phun crew.  Disappointing photo but the grit is just so appropriate.  Want to play?  Check out  A Belle, A Bean & A Chicago Dog and Taming Insanity.

Image Credit: Safe Network

Perhaps we think our children are simply fighting back, or learning to stick up for themselves.

Perhaps we think kids will be kids and shrug off something that may seem like no big deal.

Perhaps we can’t imagine our child being the one who hurts someone else, and may or may not do it deliberately.

There may be many reasons we ignore early signs of bullying, but none of them are acceptable.  Without addressing mean behavior early, children learn that bullying is in some way normal and those that are bullied learn fear and loneliness and even at some point, self loathing.

Remembering

I remember being in 5th and 6th grade and being the girl “out” for a day or a week.  There were a few leaders of the pack and I suppose they chose whose turn it would be and for the one chosen to be out, life was miserable.  It was as if you had no friends.  The girls talked about you, made things up, said things to boys….and I, we, said nothing.  In fact, I am ashamed to say that when I was not out, I was confused and scared and did not stick up for other girls when it was their turn to be excluded.  I didn’t know what to do, and at that time a lot of adults said girls will be girls.  Soon this shall pass.

For some girls, it did not pass.  I remember girls transferring out of school for being mocked.  I know girls who tried to take their lives.  Bullying was the cause.

I remember the boys who got pushed around too.  For them, in my school, it was less an in or out thing.   Those who couldn’t cut it physically just seemed out.  For good.  There were some physical fights, but more, it was just a general lack of acceptance that I am sure broke their hearts.

Reflecting

Looking back on the childhood bullying I saw or experienced, I am thankful that for me, it went away.  I also look back further in my mind and know it started far before I felt it.  While we cannot always nip things in the bud, with bullying of any kind we must be vigilant.  Ignoring warning signs of your child being a bully or being bullied is simply not okay.

Yesterday I became one of the millions of people (5.7 million now) who watched 8th grader Jonah Mawry’s Video on YouTube.  This young man shared with the world the pain he experienced since his youth and the physical hard he caused himself as he contemplated suicide at a young age because he was mocked and hated at school and felt like he hated himself.  Then he shared that his life would not end and showed his last index cards reading “I am not going anywhere.  I have a million reasons to be here”.

Those million reasons and the bullying that almost moved him to take his life moved me to write about my own children.  We all have a million reasons to be here and should never be made to feel like we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not straight enough or not anything enough to live.

Reacting

I wrote a post in March of 2010 titles That Mean Girl is Mine in which I shared my then 3 year old was being very mean and excluding one specific girl at school.  It broke my heart to hear about it and to write about it, but I felt it was important.  Sophia has a strong personality and one that leans towards being a leader.  Leadership brings power over other people and in that nugget lies my fear.  Any power should be used for good, but we all know how easily cliques are formed and how very nasty they can be.  I simply will not allow actions of exclusivity to pass as anything other than unacceptable in my home.

Last week I overheard Sophia telling her brother about a club at school when he asked her why some people were mean to him on the playground.  Miles is 3.  Sophia said she could help him with whoever was being mean to him because she was in the “Bad Girl’s Club”.  He asked her why a certain girl was always nice to him and she told him that if they told her to mean, she would, because she always listened to them.  She proceeded to reveal who was in the club and that they planned things to do to people.  I was in shock.

I called her in and asked her to explain the club to me.  She blushed a deep and revealing red. I asked her how she would feel if someone was mean to her and she started to cry.  Thank God, she started to cry.  She said the club was new and that they didn’t actually do anything.  She said she did not make up the name.  She said it was not her idea.  It was no joke, I said, to make other people feel unloved.  Still red, she admitted she knew that, and said she was very sorry.

I asked her to tell me everything and I told her we needed to talk to the other parents and to her teacher.  She asked me not to tell Daddy.  I told her that we could both talk to Daddy and to her teacher.  I called the other mother that I knew and talked to her teacher the next morning.  Sophia’s teacher talked to the girl’s that day.  We talked with my husband later in the evening.

After speaking with her teacher, it became clear that this was not Sophia’s idea and that she did not plan the one attack the girls executed.  They chose people and attacked them with leaves.  You may giggle, but it all starts somewhere.  These girls are 4 and 5.  It doesn’t matter to me whether or not she did that one thing.  The fact that she would be in such a club warranted a serious response.

Now, there is no club.  All clubs in the 4′s class must include all kids or there will be no more clubs.  I guess they have a thing with clubs right now.

I thought for the moment, this was behind us.  The bullying stuff.

Then Miles became upset.  I picked him up from school and he said that he was sad on the playground.  He said there was a boy, the same boy who tried to pull his clothes off him on Halloween, who still tried to pull his pants down and also pushed him and his 2 best friends.  He said he got pushed down a lot.  Most revealing, I asked him if he was friends with this boy, as that can sometimes tell me if this is a playground thing.  Miles likes everyone.  He said they are not friends, that this boy is mean to him.  I did not leave carpool until I had spoken with a teacher.  I will talk to Miles’ teacher tomorrow.  You see, Miles could easily be bullied.  He is open-hearted and kind and not aggressive at all.  He does not thrive on competition and gets upset easily.  He could easily be picked on.  I will not let my son think I don’t care.  I will not assume this is a little kid thing and ignore it.  I have to address it.

I have to not only teach my children but protect them when I can.

Resolution

Whatever age your children are, please consider this an area of immense importance.  Bullying can go unnoticed by adults because it becomes so hidden in schools.  Listen to your kids if they still talk to you.  Let them know how much they are loved.  Speak to your kids about bullying from a young age.  Share the real value of kindness and inclusive behavior and model it at all times.

We need to do all we can to love our kids and show love to others.

Then, we need to work on preventing childhood bullying by teaching our children it is absolutely not okay to be mean physically or emotionally to others.  We need to teach our kids that people are different and that is good.  We need to prevent bullying when we can by being pro-active and responding to situations as soon as they develop.  Talk to your kids in words they understand.  Everyone knows what hurt feelings feel like.  These conversations aren’t always easy, but they need to be had.

Please intervene.  Whether it is my child or your child or a stranger, please get involved when you see or hear of bullying.  It is never okay.  Please understand that in bullying, kids often cannot work it out by themselves because there is an imbalance of power.  A dominant adult must step in – or guess who wins?

Be vigilant – follow up.  Like a hawk, I will keep my eye on this.  We will talk to our kids about their days, we will ask questions, we will care about their friendships and relationships.  I will talk to my kids and I will talk to their teachers.  When I hear something, even if it does not involve my kids, I will mention it to a teacher if it involves bullying.  This is not prying or tattling.  It is protecting.

It may not be a resolution but I resolved to fight childhood bullying with everything I have.  As my kids get older, it will only get harder.  As much as possible, I want them so see those million reasons to be here all the time and have the strength to see them even when things are hard.  I want them to see that others have a million reasons too.

Parenting is not easy and bullying may be one of the hardest issues we face.  I resolve to be on a campaign for nice with my family.  To show it, to talk about it, to reward it.

As I said before, make room at the the table.  Include others.  Be a friend.  This never goes out of style.

Here’s to acceptance, kindness and friendship.

Please share your own thoughts on raising kind children and dealing with the issue of childhood bullying.  It is real and terrifying what happens as our kids get older.  I would welcome any advice or comments.

Also, I do not ever ask, but please share this post.  Put it on Facebook, Stumble It, Tweet it….anything.  There are just too many parents who let this go too long.  It is critical that we help our children grow into respectful, kind, open-hearted people of the world.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Sophia is intensely interested in my doodles and has started doodling herself.  She is self-conscious about her shapes and her color choice.  She worries that her drawings do not look like mine.  I tell her I have been practicing my doodles since I was a little girl, and I still have room to grow.  I also reveal to hear that doodles are perfect because they are from you.  They are your feelings laid on paper.  They are colors and shapes and emotions.  In short, they are what they are and they are a part of you.  It is personal art and there is no right or wrong.

Today I was doodling as the kids and I practiced drawing the famous Mo Willem’s pigeon.  I am simply faster at drawing the pigeon and my nature makes me immediately start to color while I wait.  We try to draw or color every day.  Usually we have some time where the coloring books are out and some time where we practice drawing something.  This is not forced by me, they want to learn to draw.  I am no great drawing master, but my prowess with basic shapes is advanced to them, so I will do as a teacher for the time being.

I doodled my usual mix of colors and shapes with Sophia’s new glitter gel pens.  I loved the smooth ink and the sparkling result and continued to doodle after the kids had finished, wanting to complete my tiny picture thought.

When I looked up, Sophia had a new piece of paper and was beginning her own tiny doodle.  My heart swelled as I realized she was imitating me.  There will only be so many years she will do this, I know.  Soon she will embrace her independence in every way and have her own inspiration for drawing and everything else.  But today, she wanted to draw like her Mommy.  She was disappointed, but I was so proud. A doodle is never a disappointment.

These shapes are tiny and something about my crazy type A personality loves fitting the colorful puzzle together.  These entire drawings are about 3 inches wide.  It is hard for Sophia.  She has never made a puzzle of shapes before.  She has never worked in such a tiny area of a blank page.  She is fast becoming an expert at basic shapes, but this is something different.  I think she rocked it.  It may not look like much, but for a 5 year old with a tiny area and ultra fine point pens, this was no easy beginning.

After a few minutes, she asked me if we could trade pictures.  She said my doodle made her happy.  I told her I usually tape my doodles into my journal.  She has recently started her own journal and said she thought my drawing would be beautiful in it.  I asked her if I could per her drawing, her first real doodle, in mine.

A doodle for a doodle and we both have what we wanted, a beautiful piece of each others hearts.

We love keeping a journal and for kids a doodle journal can be a great thing!  We write the date at the top of each page and then the kids are free to draw or write words or feelings throughout the day.  There are pages that Sophia says are private and there are many she shares with me.  I feel honored.

What do your children want to imitate?  Are they nervous about their art or excited to try new things?  Do you journal or doodle still?  I can’t be the only one!

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Many of you know that I have an interfaith marriage and that Ross and I are raising our children with knowledge both of my Christian faith and Ross’ Jewish faith as well as open and honest exploration of other faiths around the world.  We are committed to this.  One thing I never cease to be amazed by, aside from any actual discussion of faith, is the incredible life of Jesus.  I do not believe in the exact way that my dad does, but I am never afraid to talk about the life of Jesus.  Thoughts of faith had not crossed my mind in some time other than our nightly prayers, but I have been really burdened of late with the pressures of time and living a valuable life and then I got this email from my dad.

Jesus lived only 33 years and changed the world. I am 33 years old and I had better get started making a difference.

Whatever you believe or don’t believe, I hope you find inspiration in these words and in this life as I did.  We should all fill our lives with this Intentional Love.

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Dear Friend,

Perhaps as you engage today’s work and move into what has come to be known as “the holiday season,” you feel the press of time.  I know that I do!  It seems that there are not enough hours in the day, or days in the week, or weeks in the year, to accommodate all of the professional and personal demands placed on us.  When feeling overwhelmed, it is good to remember that Jesus had just three years to start a movement that would cover the whole earth and last forever.  He had just 1,000 days – the length of John Kennedy’s presidency.  Jesus accomplished his mission.  When, on the cross, he spoke the word “finished,” he was not referring to his life, but to his work.  (His life was far from over!)

How did he do it?  How did he accomplish such total mastery over time?  He had no money.  He had no formal education.  He had no social standing.  All he had was time—and precious little of that.  (Until his thirtieth year, he stayed at home, worked with his hands and took care of his mother.)

Here are three observations, meant to fortify you through the day.

First of all, Jesus used the time he had.  The constraints of time were altogether new to him.  Having inhabited eternity from before the beginning of space, light, matter and time, the experience of moving about in a frail body with a beating heart amidst a nervous, fearful, grave-bound generation was entirely new to him.  He made the most of every minute.  Like no other, he appreciated the brevity of the human journey.  He arose “a great while before the break of day” to go out into a solitary place and pray. [Mark 1:35]  He worked well into the evening—preaching, healing and feeding the hungry—and  and then slumped weary into the hold of the little ship.  [Mark 4:38]  He didn’t waste a minute.  He was the only person who ever lived who could honestly say, “I always do the will of my father.” [John 8:29]  He wasn’t on and off, or up and down, or in and out.  He was consistent.  He redeemed every millisecond.  Then, having faithfully “worked the works of him that sent me while it is day,” he encouraged his friends and followers to “work for the night is coming when man will work no more.” [John9:4]

Second, Jesus trusted his Heavenly Father with time.  This great 31^st Psalm is a Psalm of David.  It was written at time when David’s daily work seemed impossible.  Everything and everyone was conspiring against him.  The world was closing in on him.  His duties were overwhelming and his enemies were already dancing on his grave.  David was unmoved.  He “trusted in the LORD.”  He declared, “My times are in thy hand.”  Jesus – the Son of David – did the same thing.  In fact, this Psalm of David was recited by Jesus when he hung on the cross!  When the world was crucifying him, Jesus looked up and said, “My times are in thy hand.”  In fact, from the cross, Jesus found time to preach the gospel, forgive sinners and make arrangements for his mother.

Third, Jesus multiplied his time by recruiting others.  This was the Master’s great secret.  He empowered others to do his work!   He was the great recruiter.  He was – and is – the great enabler of others.  Jesus, literally, had all the time in the world because he recruited others to accomplish his work.  He invented the “multiplier effect.”  Jesus was never in a hurry.  He was never rushed.  He was never wistful about the past or anxious about the future.  He was always fully engaged in the present.  Knowing that time is just an hiatus in eternity, he filled every moment with intentional love.  He had time to counsel the woman at the well.  He had time to dine with Zaccchaeus.  He had time for the lame man at Bethesda.  He had time to go out and find the blind man he had previously healed, who had subsequently been put out of the synagogue, so that he could invite him into the Kingdom of Heaven.  He had time to meet with Peter after the great denial.  This time wasn’t wasted.  In every case, when Jesus forgave and helped and healed, he recruited.

How could one man with only one thousand days start a movement that would cover the whole earth and last forever?  First, he used all the time he had.  Second, he trusted his Heavenly Father with time.  Third, he recruited others to finish his work—even as he is recruiting us right now.  Think of it.  The man who attended every dinner party to which he was invited, healed every disease with which he was confronted, and cancelled every funeral he ever attended, said to his followers, “Greater works than these shall [you] do.”  Jesus is still doing his work today – through us!  .

Faithfully,

TR

T. Robinson Ahlstrom

***

I hope that you, like me, found both a great sense of calm and a feeling of inspiration.  Not only can we accomplish great things with our lives, we can also fill them with love and laughter.

A hero is defined as

a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

Clearly the definition missed women and mothers as the act of motherhood is, in many ways defined not just by love but by courage and ability and qualities we never knew we had.

You are a hero.  I am a hero.  My mother is certainly a hero.  She is my best friend and an example to me every single day.  I could easily write about her and tell you what a wonderful mother she was through thick and thin.  You would all agree she is the bees knees as a mom.

Today I am not going to write about my mother.  I am going to tell you about my cousin Joslyn and her family.  I live every day in awe of what she and thousands of moms around this country fight through each and every day.  She is the mother of a little girl named London.

Joslyn is the mother of 3, like myself.  Ross and I were lucky and have 3 healthy children.  Joslyn has 3 beautiful children, but her baby girl London was born with what was only recently diagnosed Mitochondrial Disease and her family fights each and every day for little London.  She is in and out of the hospital and has had more procedures and surgeries than I can count.  London is a gorgeous little girl who loves life, but is often suffering. She lights up the room and every one who meets her is overwhelmed with joy at such huge spirit coming from her tiny body.  At almost 3, she weighs just 18 pounds.  Gaining weight is a daily battle fought with tubes and prayer.  Her father Mike says

If I was to announce London as a professional fighter she would be in the paper clip weight class…

Since her diagnoses of Mitochondrial Disease in June we now understand what some of her issues with lack of weight gain, digestive system, and autonomic system are stemming from.

Her disease is a progressive degenerative disease which means that for every 1 step forward she takes 2 steps back. September of 2010 London weighed over 20lbs and now she is weighing in at 18lbs on a good day.

Through TPN in April, Nissesn Fundoplication Surgery in July, and currently bolus feeding London has remained a very happy and cheerful child. Her personality is one in a million as she wants to high five every individual that crosses her path, eat dum-dum suckers, and sing & dance in front of 200 people at a Sunday morning Church service.

A mother like Joslyn could not be called anything less than a hero.  She has a constant list of things to do for London in addition to her other 2 children.  Not only does she have the regular activities but adds doctors appointments and surgeries and London’s daily regimen to her lists.  Children like London have very specific environmental needs and an overwhelming number of daily needs that other kids do not have.  I get overwhelmed by my life sometimes.  Then I think about Josy and her family and I get over it.  What I deal with is almost nothing compared to Josy.

Through all of this Joslyn has remained full of hope and ready with a smile for her family and friends.  I know how hard it is to remain peppy in the face of fear and hurt and confusion and she is hanging on.

Joslyn is a hero.  She goes above and beyond each and every day.  She did not chose her situation, but she does not give up.  Like us, she fights for her kids every day.

I truly believe that mothers are heroes.  I believe that every one of us should look in the mirror and acknowledge that what we do is amazing.  To give so much, to teach, to worry, to remain patient, to calm, to encourage and finally to watch them grow and then let them go, is not easy at all.  The love we share with our children is worth every difficult minute of motherhood.  Perhaps the love is even stronger for all we go through with our children.

The amazing thing about motherhood and heroism is that we don’t get to choose our kids or our battles.  We have our babies and we rise every day to the challenge of raising them.

I raise my glass to Joslyn and to mothers around the world.  You are all heroes.

I would love to hear your story. What mother is your hero?

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